Unfiltered Story #191454

, , | Unfiltered | April 3, 2020

Customer: Do you carry paint brushes here?
Me: YES we do. Did you want them for crafts or for the walls?
Customer: For painting
Me: ……
Customer: …….
Me: For painting walls?
Customer: YES.
Me: Down aisle 4…..

Didn’t Pass The Think-It-Through Checkpoint

, , , , , | Healthy | April 2, 2020

It’s -17C, windchill to -19C, but the cutoff for “don’t take the baby outside unless the house is on fire” is -20 including windchill, so I bundle her three outfits deep under her snowsuit, mittens, toque, and bunting, and catch the bus to an appointment. She’s asleep by the time we get there, but I’m wide awake, cheeks frosty, steps quick. Stepping in, I find an antiviral checkpoint just inside the front door, manned by a guy in a white bodysuit and a blue mask.

My first thought: “Oh, no, zombies!”

I might be very slightly drunk on sleep deprivation.

Checkpoint Guy: “Hi, there! Just before you step in, can I ask you some questions?”

Me: “Sure.”

[Checkpoint Guy] asks about travel and a list of symptoms. I answer each question the same way.

Me: “Nope.”

Checkpoint Guy: “All righty, then. Let me just check your guys’ temperatures — or I assume you’ve got a passenger in there!”

Me: “Yup!”

I crack open one of the hoods, displaying a bundle of cloth that has two cheeks, two closed eyes, a nose, and no other visible skin.

Checkpoint Guy: “Awww! I shouldn’t have to wake her up. Just that little cheeky-cheek should be good!”

I think of my own frosty cheeks.

Me: “Her cheek’s going to be pretty cold.”

Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! Little cheeky-cheek!” 

His remote thermometer beeps and shows 30.

Checkpoint Guy: “Okey-dokey! Now, I need to do you.”

Me: “Sure.”

[Checkpoint Guy] beeps my cheek.

Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! You’re good! Just have some hand sanitizer and you’re on your way!”

Me: “Sure.” 

I use sanitizer, go through, and push the elevator button.

New Voice Behind Me: “Aren’t you cold?”

Checkpoint Guy: “Nope! I’m good! I’ve got long johns, extra shirts, and warm gloves under the medical gloves. Standing right by the door all day — I’m prepared!”


Checkpoint Guy: “You know, everyone I’ve checked has read really low, like 30 degrees. Do you think it’s because they just came in from the outdoors?”

Yes, I mentioned this hitch to the doctor I saw.

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We’re Nut Going To Do That

, , , , , , | Right | March 31, 2020

(I work at a grocery store bakery. We have a very small selection of nut-free desserts that we get in, and because we have desserts with nuts, we tell customers we can’t guarantee that any of the cakes we make won’t come into contact with nuts. Most customers are understanding about this.)

Customer: “How long in advance do I need to order a cake? And I need one nut-free.”

Me: “You need to order a cake 24 hours in advance, and we cannot guarantee our cakes have not come into contact with nuts.”

Customer: “Can’t you just have a special area for it and one person just for the cake?”

Me: “We still wouldn’t be able to guarantee it.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because we use nuts here and can’t guarantee they won’t come into contact with your cake.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. [Other Grocery Store] does it for me. Aren’t you guys the same company?”

Me: “No, we aren’t. You’re thinking of [Grocery Store Company that bought out Other Grocery Store a few years back].”

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll just go to [Other Grocery Store], then.”

(I think, “Oh, good, you can be their potential lawsuit.”)

Me: “All right. Have a good night.”

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Blame Canada! Part 10

, , , | Right | March 23, 2020

(Both Canadian and American currencies are referred to as dollars. Our store is in Canada, but we’re close to the border, so we get a few American customers now and then.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you guys take dollars?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Customer: “Great!” *hands my coworker an American $20 bill*

Coworker: “Ma’am, we only take Canadian dollars.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Coworker: “We can only accept Canadian cash because the bank charges a fee to exchange American money.”

Customer: “But you said you take dollars!”

Coworker: “Yes. Canadian dollars. You can also pay with Visa, Mastercard, or debit.”

Customer: “I think Visa might be best.”

(The customer pays and chats with my coworker as her smoothie is made. We discover that she’s from San Francisco. As she’s leaving…)

Customer: *mutters* “Canadian dollars. What nonsense!”

Blame Canada! Part 9
Blame Canada! Part 8
Blame Canada! Part 7

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Changing Outfits And Lungs

, , , , , | Right | March 21, 2020

(This story was told to me by a coworker. The pool where I work is an older chlorine pool; since chlorine is a deadly gas we have an extremely sensitive alarm to warn us if there is a leak. When it goes off, we have to evacuate everyone from the pool immediately until we can determine if it’s a false alarm or not. This occurs as my coworker and a supervisor are trying to get everyone out of the building.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, is that your daughter in the change room?”

Mother: “Yeah, she’s changing.”

(My coworker goes and checks on the daughter who appears to just be standing there. She is joined by my supervisor because they are the last people left to be evacuated.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, she appears to just be standing there. Can you throw a towel over her and please take her outside?”

Mother: “No, she’s changing.”

Supervisor: “If this was a fire drill, would you be letting her change?!”

Mother: “Well, if this was a fire drill, I’d rather she be changed than cold!”

Supervisor: “You realize this is chlorine gas? It’s what they used in WW2! We could start coughing up our lungs!”

Mother: “Hmph!”

(Eventually, they get them outside and it turns out to be just a false alarm, but the mother has one last parting shot.)

Mother: *with obvious sarcasm* “Thanks for the great customer service.”

Coworker & Supervisor: “You’re welcome?”

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