Did They Transplant His Brain?

, , , , , | Right | July 25, 2020

I work in customer services for an energy company. This conversation happens through chat customer service.

Customer: “You guys are stressing me out by increasing my bills.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience; let me get this checked for you.”

I check, and the bill was based on estimated meter reading as the customer had not provided them on time.

Me: “I see that the bill is based on estimated readings; if you can provide me the readings, I will be happy to revise it for you.”

Most of our customers provide the readings by themselves or have smart meters. For vulnerable customers, we have meter reading appointments.

Customer: “Are you serious? You are asking me to provide the readings? It’s not my job to get the readings. I recently had a liver transplant and my sister died because of cancer. I’m vulnerable and you are asking me to pay such a high bill.”

Me: “I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Let me add you to our priority list. You can call our number to get the meter appointment at your convenience. Once we have the readings, we can revise the bill.”

Customer: “Now you are asking me to spend more money and call. Arrange a call back for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have access to book an appointment; we have a specialist team who does that. Also, we do not have a call back facility. I would ask you to please call our team and I’m positive they will help you further with this.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll do it. You guys never help me. Because of you, I have anxiety issues and now I have to stay on the phone for thirty minutes and talk to a person.”

I know the conversation is not going anywhere so I try to push it toward a closing.

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. To make this easier for you, I have removed the estimated bill temporarily; after the appointment, we will generate a new bill. I hope I was able to help you today. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “You’re most welcome. I hope for your speedy recovery from the transplant. Get well soon. Have a good day ahead.”

Customer: “I’m already recovered; I had the transplant ten years ago.”

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Think They Can Flounce The Bounce

, , , | Right | July 20, 2020

I work in a call center and we recently got a call-back on invoices that hadn’t been paid. Customers are calling to know what the charges are for until this one:

Me: “Customer care, [My Name] speaking.”

Customer: “Hi. You charged me over €30 instead of €3; I demand to know why!”

Me: “Certainly, sir, let me check your invoices and we’ll look at it together.”

Customer: “This is awful customer service. How can you charge people like this? You people are awful; your whole service is awful. I’ll sue your a**!”

Me: “Sir, I see the charge is because your monthly payment to us has been bouncing for ten months.”

Customer: “Yeah, so? Why are you charging me? It bounced; now it’s too late for you to charge me. I’m not the one that’s supposed to track my payments; you are!”

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Inconvenient Modern Conveniences

, , , , | Working | June 21, 2020

My partner discovers he accidentally paid twice on his monthly electric bill and therefore has a very low bill for the next month, coming out to just under $5. He attempts to pay the bill online.

First, he types in the amount he wishes to pay, which is under $5. The website says he must pay $5 or more. 

He angrily types in $5, because what the hey, he’ll give them the extra several cents. The website then tells him he has to pay the exact amount of the bill. 

The entire point of using the online portal was because he didn’t want to speak with an actual person, which he ended up having to do anyway.

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Fees For Days… 720 Of Them!

, , , , , | Working | June 11, 2020

My phone has suddenly lost its speaker function, so I am looking to buy a cheap phone as soon as possible. 

Employee #1: “We don’t do contracts anymore; you just buy a phone at retail price and we bill for service.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the cheapest non-smartphone you have?”

Employee #1: “We have this one for $99 and this for $199.”

Me: “What’s the difference?”

Employee #1: “Uh…”

Employee #2: “This one—” *pointing to the $199 phone* “—is heavier.”

Me: “And…?”

Employee #1: “It’s heavier duty.”

Me: “Okay… I’ll take the $99 phone.”

Employee #1: “Do you want to pay today, or use a twenty-four-month installmant plan?”

Me: “What’s the difference going to be?”

Employee #1: “If we break it up over twenty-four months, you are protected in case the phone you get is a lemon, because you haven’t paid for it all yet!”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Employee #2: “Yeah, if you pay for the phone in full before you leave the store, it voids the two-week return policy.”

Employee #1: “So, if the phone is a lemon, you’re stuck!”

Me: “Wait, so you’re telling me that if you sell me a broken phone, if I pay for it all at once you won’t let me return it?”

Employee #1: “No, because that voids the return policy.”

Me: “So, you can only return defective items if you haven’t paid for it yet?”

Employee #2: “That’s right, so you should take the twenty-four-month plan.”

Me: “Okay… Well, do you charge interest or anything extra?”

Employee #2: “Nope, just break it up into payments.”

I think paying it off slowly might be convenient.

Me: “Okay, let’s do it.”

Employee #1: “Great, I’ll ring you up. So, with the Store Fee, that will be $129 plus tax.”

Me: “What ‘Store Fee’?”

Employee #1: “It’s $30 to purchase a phone in the store.”

Employee #2: “It’s because you are eligible to buy a new phone. You only have the $30 fee. If you weren’t eligible to buy a new phone we’d have to double the cost of your service fees!”

Me: “What? So there’s no contract, but I’m somehow ‘eligible’ to buy a phone at full retail price, as opposed to somehow… not being allowed to buy a phone? And for the privilege of buying a phone in your store, there’s a fee?”

Employee #1: “It’s only $30.”

Employee #2: “It seems like a lot because you’re buying a cheaper phone.”

Me: “Say I got my phone fixed or bought it somewhere else. Is there an activation fee to get it on my service plan?”

Employee #1: “Um…”

Employee #2: “No…”

Me: “All right, then.”

I left and found the $199 phone online for $79. And, much to my surprise, they were telling the truth; there was no activation fee. And I wasn’t charged $30 online for the privilege of buying a product!

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Shut Up And Stop Giving Us Your Money!

, , , , | Working | June 7, 2020

I work in an office and I suddenly hear: 

Coworker: “STOP PAYING US!”

The words are followed by a loud scream of frustration. I walk to my coworker.

Me: “Eh, [Coworker], everything all right?”

Coworker: “Yes, yes, I’m sorry. It’s just… [Client] made an automatic payment and they accidentally made multiple, so we keep on receiving money and we keep on sending it back. They thought they managed to cancel all transactions, but I guess another one slipped through.”

Me: “Eesh, how many did we receive?”

The coworker looks at her screen and counts.

Coworker: “Nine.” 

Me: “Well, eh… Let’s hope this was the last one. Good luck.”

A week later, my coworker screams again.

Coworker:Yes! They stopped paying us! Finally!

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