(I work in an office where we regulate and assist realtors in business, and they pay us for their memberships to different services. The billing cycle has been the same for at least fifteen years. They are given ten days to pay, beyond which point their membership becomes suspended for a month, then finally terminated. Throughout this process we fairly spam them with notices and alerts to make sure they know what is happening. Still, my day is filled with this type of call. This particular customer calls me after we’ve sent out the seventh and final notice.)

Me: “Thank you for calling.” *I do my standard greeting on the phone*

Customer: “Yeah, my account isn’t working.”

Me: *knowing full well why* “Okay, let me go ahead and look up your account.”

(I look him up and see he indeed owes two sets of payments, and has now been charged late fees after the two-week grace period.)

Me: “Okay, sir, it seems that your memberships were due, and as they have not yet been paid, your account was suspended.”

Customer: “No, you all said I had until the end of the month to pay.”

Me: “Well, yes, at the end of the month we have to terminate you, so you have until the end of the month before you lose your membership. However, as it says on your invoices, you have until the 10th to pay before late fees are assigned and your account is suspended. It is now the 21st.”

Customer: “Yeah, I saw that, but you didn’t tell me you would turn off my f***ing account so I can’t use it!”

Me: *unsure what to say to that* “I’m sorry; we thought saying, ‘Your account will be suspended,’ would convey that.”

Customer: “You need to change your invoice. The word ‘suspended’ doesn’t make any sense! And I can’t believe you are making me pay a late fee! I’ve been a realtor for 25 years with you, and this s*** is f****** ridiculous”

Me: *at this point his belligerence has made me cut to the chase* “We gave you a month and half to pay, emailed you seven times, put it on our social media pages, our website, and added a pop up to the system that made you scroll down and click, ‘I understand,’ before it would go away. The due date hasn’t changed for at least 15 years, and you’ve been paying on the same date, so I’m not sure why this time you would have forgotten when they were due.”

Customer: *long pause* “F****** can’t believe this!” *hangs up on me*

(Sometimes I’m frightened at the thought that these people are handling such huge, life-changing transactions for people!)

(I work for a Spanish company in Madrid. The company’s CFO and I fly to New York for ten days for several business meetings. After arriving in New York, I trip and injure my knee. As we have the first business meeting that afternoon, I just bite through the pain, and go to the meeting. After the meeting, in conversation with my CFO:)

CFO: “[My Name], is your knee still hurting? You were awfully quiet the entire meeting.”

Me: “Yep, still hurts. I’ll put some ice on it when we get to the hotel after dinner to see if it helps.”

(The next morning my knee still hurts, and now it’s swollen. My CFO insists that I go to the hospital, and takes me to the emergency room. I am seen in less than half an hour by a doctor.)

Doctor: “So, what’s wrong?”

Me: “I tripped yesterday and hurt my knee. I had ice on it the entire evening, but it didn’t get better. It’s slightly swollen.”

Doctor: “All right, and does it hurt?”

Me: “Yes, it does.”

Doctor: “Okay. Let’s take an x-ray, and I’ll give you some medicine for the pain.”

(The x-ray is taken. I receive my medicine and wait for the doctor to come see me again.)

Doctor: “All right, it seems you did fall pretty bad. You did some serious damage to your knee, and will definitely need surgery, sooner rather than later. We can do it here if you’d like.”

(As my CFO is there with me, I quickly speak to him.)

Me: “[CFO], I have no idea how much this is going to cost. I can pay this x-ray; however, I’m not sure about the surgery and hospital stay.”

CFO: “[My Name], don’t worry. It happened on a business trip; the company will pay for everything.”

Me: “Thank you! [Doctor], I’d like to do the surgery, then.”

Doctor: “Okay, perfect. I cannot do it today, but wait in the waiting room and I’ll send someone to tell you when we will be available within the next few days.”

(We both go and sit in the waiting room and wait for almost one hour, before someone in a suit shows up.)

Billing Guy: “Hello, my name is [Billing Guy], and I am from the billing department. Since you are a foreign citizen and have no insurance, we need to go over the costs first. First of all, I expedited the billing of your ER visit, and the x-ray and medicine you had costs [amount slightly under $1,300], which you have to pay before we can even think about scheduling the surgery. The surgery itself will require you to stay in the hospital for a while, and will be significantly more expensive. We cannot tell you how much it will be, as it varies; however, if you want to play it on the safe side you can expect something between $25,000 and $30,000.”

CFO: *suddenly awake* “Okay, the $1,300 I can pay right now. The surgery should not be a problem, as well; however, I need to call HQ to let them know.”

Billing Guy: “Should? All right, I will have to speak to my boss. Leave me your contact details, go back to your hotel, and I will call you the latest tomorrow morning so we can work out the details.”

(Two days pass, with no word whatsoever. Suddenly, in the middle of our next meeting my CFO gets a call and excuses himself from the meeting. He’s gone for almost half an hour. When he comes back:)

CFO: “[My Name], they refused to do the surgery, as they couldn’t be sure we would pay. I told them we already paid the ER visit with no problems whatsoever, but it wasn’t enough for them. They said our company’s finance department could afterwards simply refuse to pay. I told him I was the CFO and would guarantee payment, but that wasn’t enough for them.”

Me: “Okay, I can work this way for another week, and I’ll just go to the hospital back in Madrid.”

CFO: “No, you can’t. I already called the airline; they changed both our flights. We fly back this evening, and [CEO] is on the phone with a doctor friend of his who works at [Public Hospital] to make sure they’re ready for you as soon as you arrive.”

Me: “And the meetings?”

CFO: “We’ll reschedule; don’t worry.”

(The next day we flew back home, and my wife met me at the airport and drove me to the hospital where they were waiting for me. They immediately took an x-ray, confirmed I indeed needed immediate surgery, and simply did it. Including fuel money, surgery, medicine, and hospital stay, it didn’t cost more than a lunch for two. I now appreciate our Public Health Care system; even though it sometimes is slow, it is either free or inexpensive. Kudos to you Americans for being able to live with that health care system of yours without insurance. I am not sure I would be able to do it.)

(Shortly before we met, my husband left his job to start a new one, and his insurance lapsed for a month. During this month, he had to get an emergency appendectomy. A year and a half later, we’re down to the last $1,000 of the $10,000 he owes to the hospital. Due to my medical conditions, I’m a stay-at-home wife and mom to my step-kids, so we have had no choice but to stay with my parents during that time. We’re finally able to see the light out of the debt, and the same hospital calls me. This isn’t the first time they’ve called, but the first time I’ve answered.)

Me: “Hello?”

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]? I’m calling to discuss your account with [Hospital]. I see here that you owe $200 for a visit.”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware of that. I had a pretty bad bout with bronchitis, and it didn’t play well with my asthma. I fully intend to pay that $200. But since I’ve been paying you guys $10,000 for my husband’s life-saving operation, we were kind of waiting until that was paid off before paying mine.”

Caller: “Uh… I’m going to send out some financial help paperwork to you, and make a note of this. It was headed to collections, but it’ll put a hold on it for you.”

(I’m not sure if the shock in his voice was because I was intending to pay my debt, or because of how much we had already paid them, but it made me giggle. People can be surprisingly understanding if you explain the situation to them.)

(I work for a cell phone company. A customer calls in about her bill.)

Customer: “I already paid my first month when I activated.”

Me: “According to my records, you only paid the activation fee.”

Customer: “Yes, that is the first month’s bill.”

Me: “No, the activation fee is separate.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Yes. Your activation fee is to activate the phone for services.”

Customer: “You mean to tell me… I have to pay to activate the phone and pay to use it for the first month?”

Me: “That is correct.”

(The customer then started laughing hysterically and hung up.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company].”

Customer: “Hi, I got my bill in the post, and I just want to change my details and pay it.”

(I get all customers new details.)

Me: “So, did you want to pay that over the phone?”

Customer: “Yes, thanks.”

Me: “Great! Visa or Mastercard?”

Customer: “Wait! How do I know you work for [Company] and you’re not just trying to steal my money?”

Me: “Uh, sir, you called [Company] and I brought up all your details on the [Company] system and changed them.”

Customer: “But how do I know?”

Me: “Uh, what number did you call?”

Customer: “[Company]’s, obviously.”

Me: “Yes, and I answered, because I work here.”

Customer: “Liar! You could have hacked my phone. I’m not giving you any details.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. You’re more than welcome to come into a centre or pay online.”

Customer: “No, that’s too much trouble.”

Me: “Then I can take payment over the phone.”

Customer: “Yeah, okay. Sounds good.”

(We continued the payment fine.)