(A policyholder has recently purchased an insurance policy and chosen the monthly payment option with payments withdrawn automatically from his checking account.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking; how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer], and you people have really messed up, and I’m mad! You need to fix this right now!”

Me: “I have your policy information pulled up and would be glad to help in any way I can. Please explain what has happened.”

Customer: “I’ve only had my policy a month, and you’ve already taken another payment from my checking account. Why did you take more money? I already paid for my policy!”

Me: “You purchased the policy just over a month ago, and your payments are due each month on the same day as your policy started. We submitted the request on [date], as per the agreement. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My checking account is now overdrawn, and it’s your fault. I didn’t give you permission to take any money!”

Me: “Actually, you did. When you signed up for insurance, you paid for only one month of coverage, agreed to monthly payments, provided the routing number and account number for your checking account, and signed a form agreeing to the terms for electronic payments. You were also provided with a schedule, and we sent you email reminders of the date and amount both ten days and three days prior to the withdrawal, even though we are not required by the contract to do so. It is not our error that your account is now overdrawn, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I get all that, but why did you take money from my account?”

Me: “Because that’s the way monthly automatic payments work?!”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I already paid you your $0.14. I am not paying another $0.14!”

Me: “Uh, I’m sorry. I can certainly look into this for you. Am I speaking with [Customer]?”

Customer: “Yes! And I already paid your d*** bill twice! Why am I paying again? You can take your $0.14 and shove it!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I see what the problem is. Do you have your statement in front of you?”

Customer: “Yes, of course I do!”

Me: “And do you see that negative sign in front of the balance?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And do you see the message that says, ‘No payment is required’?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: “The negative sign means you have a credit. You see, you overpaid your account by $0.07 last month, so we sent you a statement to confirm your payment. And then you paid $0.07 again, making your credit $0.14. You do not have to make another payment if your statement says so. Does that make sense?”

Customer: *quietly* “Yes.”

Me: “Great. Have I answered all of your questions?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Fantastic. Thank you for choosing [Company], and have a nice day.”

(I have a limp; four years ago I cut my leg open with a framing blade while working, right down to the bone. A year ago: I am paying my Internet bill online when there is a hiccup. The paid page does not display, but it says it’s safe to reload. Basically, it says, “Oops! We had a problem. Reload and try to pay again,” so I do so, and attempt to pay again. I write the charge down in my notebook, determine my balance, and go grocery shopping at a few places. It turns out the first charge DID go through, even though the website explicitly said it did not. I end up paying my bill twice, leaving me with around $20 in my account before going out to food shop. I end up getting hit with FIVE separate overdraw penalties the next day, totaling $100 plus the actual food purchased. My bank tells me they can contest two overdraws yearly, and the other three will need the Internet company to admit the mistake before they can contest the fees. So, I call the big company:)

Day #1:

(I call, and a person picks up. I explain what happened.)

Employee #1: “I see the two charges, but it will take up to a week to clear before I can refund you. It’s just a precaution in case the bank issues a chargeback in the meantime, or you would be in trouble for theft over a mistake.”

Day #8:

(I call, explain it all again, and the employee admits the notes are on my record.)

Employee #2: “I see the charges. Whoever told you a week should have told you up to two weeks. Give it another week.”

Day #15:

(I call AGAIN. I’m starting to panic; the month is halfway through, and my account is still overdrawn. A person picks up.)

Employee #3: “Oh, well. We are seeing only one charge here. We never got the second payment.”

Me: “Excuse me? Two people told me they saw two charges, and I’m looking at my online statement. You guys double-dipped. The money was withdrawn on the third.”

Employee #3: “Well, I only see one charge on our end. But if you take your bank statement into a local branch as proof, they can fix it.”

(I limp up to my bank — I don’t own a car — for a printout, and they happily highlight the two charges. I then limp two miles, one way, to the local office in 90-degree temperatures. THE LADY REFUSES TO LOOK AT THE STATEMENT. She pulls up my account, and keeps stating:)

Branch Employee: “I only see one charge.”

(Then, she looks away when I hold up my statement. She also REFUSES to turn the monitor towards me to show ME proof, and even turns her back to me when I slam my statement down on the counter after the seventh repetition of:)

Branch Employee: “We only have one charge. It does not matter what your statement says, or what they told you on the phone.”

(I am admittedly VERY angry that someone, somewhere, has lied, maybe more than once. So, I limp the two miles home, grab my phone, and call them again.)

Employee #4: *goes into normal greeting spiel*

Me: “I am sorry to rudely interrupt, but you cannot help me. I am very angry, and I want to talk with a supervisor as of right now, if not five minutes ago.”

Employee #4: “I am sorry you are upset, and I am motioning for a supervisor. Are you sure I cannot help?”

Me: “I have been through this for the last two and a half weeks, and I will only repeat myself once more, to a Super. I am sorry if I am giving you attitude, but I am livid.”

(A supervisor picks up:)

Supervisor: “I see the records here that you have contacted us three times and—”

Me: *in a cold, low voice, as I do not yell at people when really angry* “Yes, and the first two times, I was told, and I quote, ‘I see the two charges.’ The third time, I was told, ‘I don’t see a second charge,’ and, ‘Go to a local office to fix it.’ I. Have. A. Limp. I walked two miles, one way, in 90-plus-degree weather, only for the lady in the office to flat out refuse to help me, refuse to say anything except, ‘We only see one charge,’ and refuse to look at my bank statement. Now, I am back home, in pain, and you are bearing the brunt of my wrath when you had nothing to do with this. I suggest you figure out just who lied to me, because you dealing with me is their fault. Now, I am saying this once, and once only: It’s Tuesday. If the second charge is not in my bank account by Friday, I will get a lawyer and go to court over the mental stress this has caused me worrying about next month’s rent and groceries due to overdraft fees I can’t dispute without your input, plus the physical stress over walking four miles with a bad leg on what may have been a g**d*** lie. Okay?”

Supervisor: *clearly floored* “I… well… I will see what I can do.”

Me: “Thank you. And for any record: the lady who took my call today, and you, were courteous.”

(I then hung up to have a VERY good scream. Come Thursday, my bank called me to let me know the second charge was back in my account, and all overdraw fees could be, and had been, returned, as well. I hate when people scream, “SUE!” but after over two weeks of BS, I was 100% ready to do just that.)

(I went to a doctor appointment, and during that appointment they were suppose to give me a tetanus shot. They gave me the wrong shot. So I had to go back into the doctor later to get the tetanus shot I was suppose to get the first time. When I went back in, I just got the shot, then left; no other service was provided. I then get a bill for the second visit, and this exchange happens when I call their billing department.)

Me: “I am calling regarding a bill I got. I don’t think I should be charged for this appointment because the only reason I had to come in was because of an error by the nurse.”

Billing: “I show here you had an appointment on [first date] and you paid your copay; is that correct?”

Me: “Yes.”

Billing: “Then I show you had a follow up appointment on [second date], and you did not pay your copay. That is why we are billing you.”

Me: “That’s why I’m calling. The appointment on the [second date] was only required because your nurse made a mistake on the [first date]. If she had not made a mistake, I wouldn’t have come in for that appointment.”

Billing: “I understand, sir, but since you came in for the second appointment, then we need to bill you for that appointment. Since your insurance covered everything but the copay, you have to pay that copay.”

Me: “Let me explain again. On the first appointment, your nurse made a mistake. She gave me the wrong injection. I had to come in for the second appointment only because she made a mistake. If she had not made the mistake, I wouldn’t have come back in.”

Billing: “It doesn’t matter; you still have to pay.”

Me: *getting frustrated now* “Okay, let me ask you this another way. After your nurse made a mistake the first time, I could have gone to a lawyer, or filed a complaint against your practice. Also, I could have filed a complaint with my insurance provider, since you have actually billed them twice for getting the same injection. I did none of those things. So your choice is to now credit my account for the copay, or my next call will be to the medical practice board, and then my insurance company.”

Billing: “One moment, please.” *puts me on hold for about five minutes then comes back* “I’ve talked to the doctor. We are going to waive that copay, but we will not do it again for any further visits.”

(After that call I found a new doctor. No surprise, his practice went out of business a few months later. I know people complain how everyone is lawsuit-happy nowadays. You’d think if you had a patient who wasn’t interested in going the legal route but just didn’t want to be charged for their mistake they would happily oblige. I guess not.)

(I’m a manager for one of the corporate retail stores for a large cell phone provider. I am the only manager on duty during a fairly busy shift. One of my employees answers the phone, and the gentleman on the other end asks to speak with a manager. She informs him that I’m currently assisting another guest, and offers to take his name and number to have me call him back. He says he’ll hold. He is on hold for two minutes before he hangs up and calls back. He is then on hold for less than a minute. This is the conversation that follows.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thank you for holding. How may I help you?”

Guest: “F****** finally! I’ve been on hold waiting for you for twenty minutes!”

Me: “I do apologize for that, sir; we have been a bit busy tonight. How can I help you?”

Guest: “I’m just calling to warn you I’m coming in tomorrow with copies of my bank statements that show I was charged twice for my bill: once on the 28th and again on the 2nd!”

Me: “Okay, I can understand the frustration with that. Did you make the payment in store?”

Guest: “No, it is set up on automatic payments. So, when I bring this paperwork in tomorrow, you will be giving me a refund, same day, right?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but unfortunately I am unable to process a refund in-store for a payment made via auto-pay. I can, however, file a ticket to have your money refunded with the paperwork provided, and it normally takes two to three business days to have the money back in your account.”

Guest: “I was told I had to bring my paperwork into the store in order to have this processed! Why the h*** can you not f****** give me my money back in-store, b****?!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to ask you not to speak to me like that. Unfortunately, there is no way for me to override the system to process that type of refund, since the transaction was not done in my store. I will be happy—”

Guest: “F*** YOU! I’m bringing in my lawyer tomorrow! I don’t understand why you can’t just give me my money back from your register.”

Me: “Sir, I understand that you are upset, and I’m willing to get it resolved for you, but I have to account for all my cash in my store, and like I stated before, I have no way of overriding an auto-pay payment. If you want to come in, I’d be happy to file the refund for you; however, if you choose to hire a lawyer, I will be unable to assist you in-store.”

(This is company policy.)

Guest: “You’re lying to get out of giving me my money back, b****! I can’t believe this. I bet you took the money and deposited it into your account! You are robbing me and don’t even care!”

Me: “Uh… Sir, if you don’t want come in and have us file for a refund with your paperwork showing the error, you can always call your bank and have them dispute the charge.”

(The guest started yelling wonderfully colorful words and calling me some imaginative names before hanging up on me. I stared at the phone for a good minute before I even hung it up.)