How Low Can You Go?

, , , , , | Right | January 19, 2021

I’ve been working in a call centre for the last two years dealing with very irate customers, to the point that my manager has jokingly referred to me as “stinker magnet”.

Customer: “I think my bill is wrong.”

Me: “Okay, let me load that up to see. Whilst I’m doing so, what isn’t correct about it?”

Customer: “It can’t be correct; it’s too low.”

I look to my colleague beside me with a bewildered look.

Me: “Yes, I can see here your monthly bill is £72, which is pretty average this time of year—”

Customer: “Listen, that is too low. I know it is. For the great inconvenience this has caused me and has screwed up my finances this month, I demand a 50% discount.”

I am stunned, mouthing words I shouldn’t.

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but we are unable to give discounts because a bill is too low. If it was high I would be willing to work something out with you and maybe offer you a discount but I cannot do so if you think it is too low.”

Customer: “No, you will get me that discount because I am a customer and I am right. I am also a very respected accountant so I know I am entitled to this. If you will not do your job, get me your manager.”

I know I won’t get anywhere with this one. I flag a manager over who asks what it was about, and I just tell them to ask.

Manager: “Hello there, my name is [Very Common Name] and I am a manager. How can I help you today?”

I’m biting my lip hard and trying not to burst out laughing.

Manager: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that? Did you just ask for a 50% discount because your bill is lower than you expected and it is causing you a massive inconvenience?”

Everyone in close vicinity turns to listen in. The customer is now screaming obscenities so loudly it can be heard over the headset.

Manager: “No, sir, I can assure you that I nor my employee are incompetent. She has already told you she would’ve been willing to negotiate a discount if you thought it was high, but you cannot get a discount because it is lower than what you expected. Goodbye.”

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You’ve Dunning Everything At This Point

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2021

We offer different payment methods, and invoicing is quite popular. One thing with this payment is that the customer has up to thirty days to pay, but if they are late, they will get a dunning for 10,000 Danish Kroner — about $1,600. This usually makes them either confused, angry, or apologetic, but it tends to work without any big dramas… except with this one customer.

The whole conversation is through email in English.

Customer: “Why have you sent me this dunning? I have returned the order! I should not have to pay anything!”

Coworker #1: “It was sent automatically since we hadn’t received any payment. But since we have received your return, you don’t need to pay anything. Just ignore the dunning; we will remove it after a while.”

Customer: “No, I don’t agree! I have to pay the 10,000 DKK!”

Yes, they literally said that they don’t agree with us and that they have to pay.

Coworker #2: “No, you don’t need to pay this invoice. We have received your return, so there is nothing to pay.”

Customer: “Yes, I will pay! I need your bank details, so I can transfer the payment.”

Coworker #3: “Our bank details are [number], but I will repeat what my coworkers have said: you don’t need to pay this invoice.”

Customer: “I need the IBAN!” *International Bank Account Number*

I opened the email chain at this point and could not do anything but laugh at the whole situation. Never have I ever gotten a customer who wanted so badly to pay for an invoice. We had already removed the dunning by this point, so there literally was zero left to pay. I tried to explain it again and to highlight that there was nothing to pay on this order, but I don’t know if he understood it. We’ll see when the next coworker gets the customer again.

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This Doggy Daycare’s Gone To The Dogs

, , , , | Working | November 22, 2020

I used to take my dogs to a local dog daycare a few days a week. I knew the owner — a friend of a friend — and while I didn’t know her all that well, we were friends on Facebook and texted back and forth sometimes.

I’m sure most dog daycares are similar, but this one has a punch pass you can buy in advance that gives you a lower daily rate than if you pay each day. I bought that because I like to save money, and I was going so often that it made the most sense.

Eventually, my work schedule changes, and I am no longer able to take the dogs to daycare. I have two days left on my punch pass that I figure I’ll use eventually. Six months or so after we stopped going, I get a text from the owner.

Owner: “Hi! We are going through our system and noticed an issue where you came one day and weren’t charged.”

Me: “Oh, really? When? We haven’t even been there in months.”

Owner: “[Date six months ago]. Our system isn’t the best and we didn’t notice the issue until now, but we’ll need payment for that. It’ll be [cost].”

Me: “Seriously? You’re asking me to pay for something from six months ago?!”

Owner: “Yes, you didn’t pay for that day and you need to.”

Me: *Realizing something* “Wait, I’m pretty sure I still have two days left on my punch pass. Can we just use that to cover it?”

Owner: “No, your punch pass has expired.”

Me: “Are you kidding me? I paid for the punch pass, and you guys forgot to charge my account for that day. How is it on me to have to pay for this?!”

Owner: “Well, if you’re going to be like that, just forget it!”

What. The. F***.

I didn’t respond to her after that, and we obviously have never been back. What kind of company forgets to charge someone, and then six months later demands they pay for the company’s error? Especially when I had pre-paid days left on my account, although expired, that could have covered the cost had they caught this sooner. Unbelievable!

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Brain Cell Withdrawal!

, , , , | Working | November 10, 2020

My car insurance has autopay set up so that every quarter, they take the money out of my bank account. They should take the money out of my account on June first to pay for June, July, and August. Toward the end of June, I notice they have not taken the money out of my account, so I decide to call.

Me: “Hello. I have my account set on autopay, but I don’t see that the money has been withdrawn. Can you see if I still need to pay?”

Insurance Rep: “I have your account pulled up. It looks like you’re set up on autopay and you’re past due.”

Me: “If I’m on autopay, how am I past due?”

I have more than enough money in my bank account for the insurance, so there’s no way it would have been declined if they tried to withdraw.

Insurance Rep: “Uhhhh… would you like to pay over the phone?”

I just paid over the phone, but a few days later, I got an email from a credit monitoring service saying that my credit score had taken a dip, most likely because I was past due on my bill. Not sure how that happened, but I’m already planning on switching insurance carriers for something more affordable.

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Can’t PIN Down The Problem

, , , , , | Working | November 5, 2020

I buy a new house and set up cable and Internet service. The salesperson convinces me that paperless billing is the way to go. After a couple of weeks, I need to change a detail on my account online. In order to do this, the system requires a PIN they assigned that can “conveniently” be found in the upper corner of the bill. If you try to view the bill online, you get this helpful response.

Website: “Please enter PIN from upper corner of bill.”

Every month, you get an email with the total due, but the only way to view the bill is with the PIN, and the only way to get the PIN is from the bill. I call customer support and around we go. They just keep telling me:

Customer Support: “All you need to do is go online to view your bill and get the PIN.”

Me: “But it’s prompting me for the PIN to get to the bill.”

They then read from their script.

Customer Support: “The PIN can be found in the upper corner of your bill.”

They never did seem to see the problem.

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