A Pot Of Bother

, , , , , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(My supervisor is going to a new hotel opening to help with training. The hotel is an hour-and-a-half drive away. It is going to be a long night, so she wants suggestions as to what will help keep her awake at work and on the drive home.)

Supervisor: “I have to drive to Red Deer tonight and stay up and train the night auditors. Can I take anything to help me stay awake?”

Coworker: “Just stick to coffee.”

Supervisor: “How about if I smoke ‘the pot?’”

Me: “The what?”

Coworker: “’The pot?’”

Me: “Oh, NO! Nope. Bad idea.”

Coworker: “It’ll make you sleepy and paranoid, and your driving will be worse.”

Me: “As if that’s possible.”

Coworker: “Shh.”

Supervisor: “Oh, it won’t keep me awake?”

Me: “Nope, maybe hungry, though.”

(At this point my coworker and I stop trying to hide the laughter.)

Supervisor: “You two are awful.”

Coworker: “If you’re gonna smoke ‘the pot,’ please bring us!”

Me: “So we can watch.”

Supervisor: “I’m leaving; go do your jobs!”

Someone Worth Talking About

, , , , , , , | Related | November 17, 2017

(A group of new students has just started jobs at my workplace. I mention this fact in conversation with my mother.)

Me: “A bunch of new students started today.”

Mom: “That’s nice. Was one of them called [Coworker]?”

Me: “Yeah. Why?”

Mom: “I think I work with his parents; they were talking about how their son was just starting his first job today, and I think they mentioned that he was at [My Workplace].”

Me: “I’ve yet to see any evidence that [Coworker] knows how to stop talking.”

Mom: *pause* “Oh, so, he takes after his mother, then.”

Sewing Your True Colors

, , , , , | Friendly | November 17, 2017

My friend wants to make her children Pokémon for Halloween, but she can only find one Halloween costume, so her son doesn’t have one. Since I sew my son’s costumes every year, I volunteer my time to make her son’s, as well. I find out what Pokémon she wants her son to be and start planning out the execution. I give her the task of getting the materials, with very specific instructions and dimensions needed, and tell her where to go for them.

A week later, my child has a rough night, resulting in me sleeping from 8:00 am to noon. I wake up to a single text message, sent at 9:30, asking to come with her to get the fabric at noon. Since it’s already noon, I quickly text her back, apologizing for the delay. She doesn’t respond immediately, so I check my Facebook. On her timeline she has posted, “Seriously reconsidering [Son]’s Halloween costume!” This irks me as, so far, I have been very communicative with her.

My friend says nothing more other than, “Are you still willing to make [Son]’s Halloween costume?” After a moment of consideration, I tell her no. If she is going to get snippy and passive-aggressive about not responding for two and a half hours, I dread to think how she would act through the actual sewing process.

Just Another Closet Case

, , , , , | Right | November 16, 2017

(As I am walking back to my department, a young couple approaches me with a pre-made shelf.)

Wife: “Excuse me, will this shelf fit everything in our closet?”

Me: “I don’t know; I’ve never been to your house.”

Wife: “Yes, but will it fit everything in our closet?”

Me: “I don’t know; I’ve never been to your house. How much stuff do you have in the closet?”

Husband: “Oh, the usual amount of stuff. Do you think it will fit on the shelf?”

(I give up.)

Me: “Yes.”

Cold-Blooded Humor

, , | Healthy | November 16, 2017

(I received a call from my doctor after having some blood work done, telling me to get to the ER immediately for a blood transfusion, as my hemoglobin levels were critically low. A friend of mine takes me and stays with me for support. She likes to try and lighten the mood with a sarcastic sense of humor. This occurs when the nurse brings in the first bag of blood and hooks it up to my IV…)

Me: “Oh, wow… that’s a strange sensation!”

Nurse: “What? It’s not burning is it? Does it hurt?”

Me: “Not at all… It’s just really cold! I’ve never felt cold inside my body before.”

Friend: “Cold? Geez, Nurse! Can’t ya warm it up a little for her?”

Nurse: “…umm.”

Friend: “Just throw it in the microwave for a few minutes! My friend says it’s too cold here!”

Nurse: *mouth agape with a look of horror*

Me: “[Friend]… I don’t think she knows you’re joking.”

Friend: “Oh… Oh, my god! I’m totally joking! Just trying to lighten the mood!”

Nurse: “Oh, thank goodness! I mean, whatever you want to do on your own time, sure… but I’m not wasting precious O negative in this hospital for your little experiment here!”

(We had a good laugh after that. And after two bags of the red stuff my hemoglobin levels were back up to normal!)

Page 5/75First...34567...Last
« Previous
Next »