Unfiltered Story #191459

, , | Unfiltered | April 3, 2020

(I am working an evening shift right on the main tourist strip. On this night over 6,000 American cruise ship passengers are being let loose on our town, and due to the hour and poor weather, we are quite busy. I am just finishing serving one woman who is quite irate that we only give back change in Canadian currency, even if people pay in American cash. She is inspecting the coins with a huge frown on her face. Note: Canada uses coins for $1 and $2)

Woman: *Points at coin* “What’s this gold one here?!”

Me: “That’s one dollar, ma’am.”

Woman: “… Is it American or Canadian?”

(My jaw dropped. I have seen a lot, but never anyone not knowing their own nation’s currency. Especially after specifically being told they were receiving Canadian change! I had to go sit in the back room for a few minutes after that one.)

Unfiltered Story #191454

, , | Unfiltered | April 3, 2020

Customer: Do you carry paint brushes here?
Me: YES we do. Did you want them for crafts or for the walls?
Customer: For painting
Me: ……
Customer: …….
Me: For painting walls?
Customer: YES.
Me: Down aisle 4…..

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 91

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2020

(When I first begin my career, I am a bank teller, also known as “the trenches” and the “first line of defense.” We handle all of the customer calls and face-to-face inquiries, schedule meetings, and make sales. This means I deal with people from all walks of life and all manners of intelligence!

One afternoon, I am on the front line and a twenty-something man comes up to my wicket, lazily chewing away on a half-eaten slice of pizza, smacking his jaws loudly.

We review his account, and he was charged $42.50 for having “Not Sufficient Funds” in his account for a regular payment that goes out every month. He takes a bite of pizza as he speaks.)

Customer: “I shouldn’t have been charged that.”

(I always take exception to this and never give an inch. I keep to our policies strictly, and even the times I got NSF fees, I gladly paid the “idiot tax.”)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it is laid out in the documentation you were given when you opened your account. If a payment bounces, you will be charged an NSF fee.”

Customer: *with his mouth full* “But I don’t understand why I got charged.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll help you understand. Let me know you’re with me as I go through this. You had a payment for $150, for your insurance, go out on the 15th…”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “…just like it goes out on the 15th every month for $150.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “So, we’ve established that you’re aware you need to have $150 in your account every month on the 15th.”

(The customer bites his pizza and just nods.)

Me: “Your payment went out. For $150. On the 15th.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You didn’t have $150 in your account. There was not enough money in your account. We couldn’t pay the insurance company.”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “You did not have sufficient funds. Your payment bounced. You were charged a fee.”

Customer: *practically spitting pizza* “I don’t understand why I got charged!”

Me: “Okay, let’s start again.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 90
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 89
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 88

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Ice See Dumb People

, , , | Right | April 2, 2020

(I am visiting my friend’s house. We have just returned to her house after going through the drive-thru of a nearby fast food restaurant. We end up returning to the restaurant because my friend has discovered her soft drink doesn’t have any ice in it, something she is very picky about.

As we walk inside the restaurant, I happen to look over at the two self-serve pop machines that are side-by-side.)

Me: “Hey, look! One of the pop machines has a sign that says, ‘No Ice.’ It must be broken. That might be why you didn’t get any ice in your drink; the one in the drive-thru must be broken, too.”

Friend: “Well, they should have told me that. I can’t drink this without ice.”

(At that moment, I watch as a woman goes over to the machine with the “No Ice” sign and tries to get some ice. I smile a bit and watch as it takes almost a full minute for the woman to figure it out.

I am at the OTHER SIDE of the restaurant and I can CLEARLY read the “No Ice” sign that is currently right in front of her face.

As my friend goes up to the counter to make her complaint, I watch as another woman tries to get ice from the broken machine. This time I start laughing and tell my friend, who laughs a little. Then, my friend takes her drink cup, turns, and asks me this.)

Friend: “Which machine do I have to use to get some ice?”

Me: “Well, you certainly don’t want to get it from the one that has a sign that says, ‘No Ice!’”

Friend: “Oh, right. Thanks.”

(She walks over to get her drink. She fills it, drinks a little, then comes back and gets the rest of her order. Before we leave, we decide to top up her drink. This time, a man is in front of the broken ice machine trying to get ice from it. We go over to the other one when I notice something.)

Me: “Hey, look. This pop machine has a sign that says, ‘No Sprite,’ and the other one has a sign that says “No Ice.””

(I say this loud enough so that the man at the other machine can hear. Then I look at him.)

Me: “How about we switch machines?”

(We switched and I topped up my friend’s Coke. As soon as I was done I looked back up at the man and saw him trying to fill his cup up with — you guessed it! — Sprite. I quietly told my friend and she told him, and then we managed to slip quickly out of there before we both burst out laughing!)

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Didn’t Pass The Think-It-Through Checkpoint

, , , , , | Healthy | April 2, 2020

It’s -17C, windchill to -19C, but the cutoff for “don’t take the baby outside unless the house is on fire” is -20 including windchill, so I bundle her three outfits deep under her snowsuit, mittens, toque, and bunting, and catch the bus to an appointment. She’s asleep by the time we get there, but I’m wide awake, cheeks frosty, steps quick. Stepping in, I find an antiviral checkpoint just inside the front door, manned by a guy in a white bodysuit and a blue mask.

My first thought: “Oh, no, zombies!”

I might be very slightly drunk on sleep deprivation.

Checkpoint Guy: “Hi, there! Just before you step in, can I ask you some questions?”

Me: “Sure.”

[Checkpoint Guy] asks about travel and a list of symptoms. I answer each question the same way.

Me: “Nope.”

Checkpoint Guy: “All righty, then. Let me just check your guys’ temperatures — or I assume you’ve got a passenger in there!”

Me: “Yup!”

I crack open one of the hoods, displaying a bundle of cloth that has two cheeks, two closed eyes, a nose, and no other visible skin.

Checkpoint Guy: “Awww! I shouldn’t have to wake her up. Just that little cheeky-cheek should be good!”

I think of my own frosty cheeks.

Me: “Her cheek’s going to be pretty cold.”

Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! Little cheeky-cheek!” 

His remote thermometer beeps and shows 30.

Checkpoint Guy: “Okey-dokey! Now, I need to do you.”

Me: “Sure.”

[Checkpoint Guy] beeps my cheek.

Checkpoint Guy: “Yup! You’re good! Just have some hand sanitizer and you’re on your way!”

Me: “Sure.” 

I use sanitizer, go through, and push the elevator button.

New Voice Behind Me: “Aren’t you cold?”

Checkpoint Guy: “Nope! I’m good! I’ve got long johns, extra shirts, and warm gloves under the medical gloves. Standing right by the door all day — I’m prepared!”


Checkpoint Guy: “You know, everyone I’ve checked has read really low, like 30 degrees. Do you think it’s because they just came in from the outdoors?”

Yes, I mentioned this hitch to the doctor I saw.

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