Two Rights Can Right A Wrong

, , , , , | Learning | October 10, 2018

(I am taking driving lessons so I can obtain my commercial vehicle license. The practical lessons take place in a real semi-trailer truck, with me in the driver’s seat, my instructor in the passenger’s seat, and another student sitting on one of the beds in the sleeper cab.)

Instructor: “Okay, [My Name], make a right turn.”

(I get nervous, and end up missing the opportunity to turn. With no other choice, I continue driving straight.)

Instructor: “Okay, [Classmate], close the curtains and go hide in a corner.”

Classmate: “What? Why?”

Instructor: “[My Name] just missed his turn. Now we’re in [Different City]. Sitting in the sleeper cab was perfectly legal when we were still in [Previous City], but not here. If the police see you back there, [My Name] could get a ticket.”

Classmate: “Okay, I’ll go hide myself.”

Instructor: “All right, [My Name], we’re going to make two right turns now.”

I Don’t Work Here Needs To Pee Here

, | Right | October 8, 2018

(My wife and I go into a grocery store with our kids for some shopping.)

Me: “I gotta pee so bad. I wish I didn’t have to pee so bad. I’m going to find the can.”

(I rush to the back of store to find the washroom locked with a sign, “key at cash.”)

Me: *curses*

(I turn around and speed-walk to the front of the store to the cashier. On the way, I see a lady standing at the end of the aisle looking directly at me.)

Me: *in my head, to myself* “Ah, a sample lady. I suppose I can hold my pee for a sample.”

Lady: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi!”

(We stare at each other expectantly for five seconds.)

Me: “I… uhh… Don’t work here?”

Lady: “Oh! You looked so official and purposeful coming down the aisle I figured you were the manager.”

(I guess managers look like they have to pee all the time.)

You’ve Found Area 51

, , , , | Legal | October 8, 2018

(I’m on a long road trip with my two young children. The youngest is only six weeks old. She is crying to eat, so I pull off the highway at the nearest exit. The only thing around is a decrepit-looking barn, so I turn into the driveway to be met with a locked gate. I turn around and park. Within seconds, two police vans pull up and block me in.)

Officer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I just wanted to feed my baby. Should I leave?”

Officer: “No, that’s fine.”

(The officers then watched as I unbuckled my daughter from her car seat, and once I was sitting in the front seat with her, they pulled away. Now, I can’t stop thinking… what the heck was in that barn?)

Unfiltered Story #122764

, , , , | Unfiltered | October 8, 2018

A woman comes in with a blouse to exchange and finds some other items to purchase. She comes in with a return – from a different location – on a super busy day when the tills are lined up, so we know she’s a bit self-involved to start with.

I start to process the return portion and she shouts out in a loud and really snotty tone that I am trying to “disadvantage” her in this transaction because I have to do the return and sale separately (company policy BTW). When I ask how I am doing that, she says “I had a discount on that blouse, now you’re going to make me pay full price.” I say “No, you will get the new one at the same price” and she tells me that this would be impossible and ends the paragraph with “so how will you do that?”
“Same way I would if I were doing this in one transaction, by price-matching the blouse”.

This was not enough. As I told her the total of her purchase, she again began berating me loudly for trying to “rip [her] off”. She insisted that the total I gave her was twenty four dollars too high. I had to get out the calculator (because apparently the cash register doesn’t know how to add) and go over every single item and get her agreement on what the price should be before she finally admitted that she had her math wrong. This is the second week in a row that I have been yelled at by a customer for failing to bend the rules of mathematics to suit how much they think they should be paying. (Last week, it was a woman who refused to believe that 16X4=64.) It was lucky that none of the customers in line behind her suffered an injury from all the head-shaking and eye-rolling going on. There’s a reason we have to keep a calculator beside the tills.

Do Idiots Dream Of Electric Coffee?

, , , , | Right | October 7, 2018

(I am working over lunch in a busy coffee shop when the power goes out. A car has hit a pole and taken out most of the power in the downtown core. We still have at least half the tables full, finishing their meals in the semi-darkness.)

Customer: *who comes rushing in* “I need two coffees to go, quick!”

Me: “Sorry, we have no power.”

Customer: “Yeah, I see. Soooo… two coffees, please.”

Me: “Okay, but we have no power. We can’t make coffee without it.”

Customer: “What? Can’t you just cook it on your stove out back?”

Me: “The power is out; we can’t cook anything or make coffee.”

Customer: “Don’t you have old coffee you can heat up?”

Me: “Sir, there’s no power. I’m not sure how we could do that.”

Customer: “Seriously? Are you stupid? What the f*** kind of place is this?”

(Another customer who is listening to our exchange speaks up.)

Other Customer: “One that needs electricity to run, perhaps?”

(The customer slammed his fist on the counter and practically ran out the door while the second customer and I shook our heads.)

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