Pick One: Your Wife Or Your Wi-fi

, , , , | Right | September 18, 2017

(This is observed by my father while checking into a hotel. The desk clerk happens to be female, and another guest checking in ahead of my dad is male.)

Desk Clerk: “Here’s your keycard, sir.” *starts writing something on the inside of the paper sleeve*

Customer: “Please, don’t do that.”

Desk Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “Just don’t. I’m a married man, and I have no intentions of cheating on my wife.”

(There’s a bit of back and forth before the clerk is finally able to get out:)

Desk Clerk: “Sir, this is the password for the Wi-Fi.”

(The customer turned beet red, thanked the clerk, and left.)

Good Thing The School Stuck To Its Guns

, , , , | Learning | September 18, 2017

I am a teenager living in a very quiet town in southern Canada. Near the end of the semester, I was sitting in class when the PA system came on, which it rarely does. It announced that the school was now on lock-down, and nobody was allowed to leave their classrooms for any reason.

Every so often, we received vague updates of the situation, and were able to figure out that someone had been seen in the area carrying a gun. The lock-down didn’t last long, and was lifted before the bell for the next class rang, with no explanation given. For the rest of the day, everyone was chatting about it, wondering what happened.

It turned out that someone had been moving house, and instead of putting their hunting rifle in a gun safe (or even, you know, a BOX), he went through town with it in plain view, scaring a lot of people. Since our school is only a block away from the main road through town, which he was using, it triggered lock-down procedures.

CS-Why?

, , , , | Related | September 17, 2017

(I am sitting on the couch watching TV, cuddled up in a blanket. I mention to my twelve-year-old son:)

Me: “I’m feeling cold.”

Son: “Mom, are you cold because you’re bleeding internally?”

Me: “We’re watching way too much CSI, aren’t we?”

Knitting Got Hardcore

, , , , | Learning | September 17, 2017

(I take an experiential education class during my undergraduate degree. Our main assignment is to pick a skill we aren’t familiar with and attempt it throughout the course. On the final day, we are to share our results and what helped us in learning the new skill. Prior to that, we just have to fill out a proposal, explaining to the professor what we are doing. One of our classmates is working on his outdoor cooking stove. Something goes wrong and he severely burns his hands. Somehow, it gets communicated through word of mouth that he has been trying out his new skill for the class and got his hands burned as a result. The next time we’re in that class, the professor notices he’s absent and asks where he is.)

Classmate #1: “Unfortunately, while he was working on his experiential project, he burnt his hands.”

Professor: “WHAT?”

Classmate #2: “Yeah, I think he’s still at the hospital. He should be okay, though.”

Professor: *has a stunned look on her face as she processes what is being said* “But he chose to do knitting.”

(Cue laughter from class as we quickly realized our mistake.)

Worth Checking What Was Just Said

, , , , | Right | September 16, 2017

(I am a cashier at a store that sells cigarettes, lottery, and fireworks, all of which you must be over 18 to buy. Our store follows the 30-law [if you appear under 30, we must check your ID] for all of these items. One day had a guy walks in and looks at the fireworks.)

Guy: “I’ll take these ones, please.”

Me: “Sure. I just need to see your ID.”

Guy: “No problem. Can I also get a pack of smokes?”

(He hands me his ID. The first thing I do is check the picture to be sure it’s him. The card has all the security features. I then check his birth year.)

Me: “According to this, you are not 18 yet.”

Guy: “Wow, you actually checked! I have never had anyone call me on it before!”

Me: “You never get ID’d?”

Guy: “All the time. But normally I give it to them and that’s good enough!”

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