A Pen-chant For Being Lazy

, , , | Right | October 13, 2018

Customer: “I need a pen refill.”

(I’m working cash, so I can’t leave the register to help him.)

Me: “Okay, they’re in aisle five, and I’ll page someone to meet you over there.”

(The customer stares at me, looking confused.)

Me: “Is that okay?”

Customer: “I want a pen refill!”

Me: “Yes, okay. They’re in aisle five, and I can get someone to meet you there and give you a hand.”

(The customer continues to stare at me, all confused.)

Me: “Do you want me to get someone to help you?”

Customer: “I just want a refill for my pen!”

Me: “Okay… Right. So… They’re located in aisle five. If you walk down to aisle five, I’ll make sure someone meets you there… to help you.”

Customer: “Oh, I have to get it myself, do I?”

Should Have Waited Until He Got To The Registers

, , , , | Right | October 13, 2018

(I am tidying around my department in a big box store when I find a customer’s wallet on the floor nearby. Store policy is to have two employees present when you open the wallet to check for identification. I grab a nearby associate and we open the wallet, locate the customer’s driver’s license, and take the wallet to the customer service desk where I page the customer to the desk by name. Shortly after paging I see a man storming up to the desk.)

Me: “Hello, sir, did yo—”

Customer: “Why the h*** did you page me? It’s embarrassing!”

Me: “Sir, we found your wallet.”

Customer: “I have my d*** wallet. And I have shopping to do!”

(The customer turns to leave.)

Me: “Sir! Could you please just humour me and check for your wallet?”

Customer:I have shopping to do, and I have my d*** wallet.”

Me: “Then how did I get your name to page you?”

(The customer stopped walking away from the desk, patted down the back pocket of his jeans, and when he couldn’t find his wallet, stomped back to the desk, grabbed it from me, and stormed off without so much as a thank-you.)

Not Even Bordering On Being Close To The Border

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2018

(A lady orders two pepperoni pizzas and her total comes out to $10.82. She hands me a ten and then pulls out Canadian coins for the change.)

Me: “Sorry, I can’t accept those as payment.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because this isn’t Canada?”

Customer: *argues with me saying it shouldn’t matter* “—you should accept them; some b*stard here gave them to me so you should have to take them back!”

(We aren’t allowed to argue with customers so I just stand there and repeat that I can’t accept her coins. Eventually she pulls out 82 cents then takes her order and throws her Canadian coins in our tip jar. My manager looks at me after she leaves and asks:)

Manager: “She does realize Canada is 1500 miles north of here, right?”

I Have No Answer(ing Machine)

, , | Right | October 11, 2018

(The bakery’s answering machine has a pretty standard message; it says to leave your name and number and why you’re calling. One day while the boss is listening to messages, she just starts CACKLING and insists that everyone listen.)

Old Woman: *complaining about something, I don’t remember what* “Also! I think it’s extremely rude to ask for my phone number! I refuse to give my personal number!” *click*

Boss: “So, all that means for her is that we can’t call her back.”

(We kept that message for more than a year and listened to it whenever we were having a rough day.)

How Dare Thermodynamics Happen!

, , , | Right | October 11, 2018

(I work as a barista in a popular coffee shop with multiple locations in the city. During a quiet time of day, a woman peers at the menu for a moment and then approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there! What I can I get started for you today?”

Customer: *just stares at me*

Me: “Would you like a minute to decide?”

Customer: “Oh! You’re not the girl who served me last night!”

Me: “Well, if it was after a certain time, then no, as my shift was done in the afternoon.”

(I am thinking that even if I did serve her yesterday, am I supposed to be telepathic and automatically know what she wants today?)

Customer: “Well, the barista in last night didn’t know what she was doing and made my drink taste awful! I’d like to make a complaint about her!”

Me: “Okay, I can be sure to let someone know.” *grabbing the schedule from the night before next to the register* “Can you describe her to me, please?”

Customer: “Well, she’s a blonde girl. She looks like you, but blonder.”

(I’m a black-haired girl, nowhere near blonde, and actually we have no blonde females working at our location.)

Me: “Um, well, according to our schedule, we actually had a team of males in last night. No ladies. Are you sure you weren’t at [Other Location Nearby], instead?”

Customer: “No, it was here. I remember.”

Me: “Well, all I can say is that we have a guarantee that if you take a sip and you don’t like your drink, bring it to the counter and we’ll either remake it for you or make you something different. At this point, I can let our manager know you were not happy with the drink, and we’ll let our baristas know that they should be more diligent with the recipes. Does that sound fine to you?”

Customer: “Yes, that sounds good. Now, can I get [four of our biggest, most expensive drinks]?”

Me: “Sure!” *rings her up*

Customer: “Wait, you’re charging me for my drinks? They should be free! My coffee last night was awful and it was your fault!”

Me: *inwardly sighing* “I’m sorry, but if you didn’t make a complaint at the time you received the coffee, then how are we to know you were dissatisfied with your drink? We can’t refund you or remake a drink you consumed almost twenty-four hours ago.”

Customer: “But it was too hot to drink right away, so I drove home with it! By the time I got home, the store was closed and I couldn’t call to make a complaint!”

Me: “Fair enough. Do you have a receipt for your drink, or perhaps the empty cup? Something to show proof of purchase?”

Customer: “No, I didn’t get a receipt, and the coffee was ice cold when I got in so I just chucked the entire thing in the garbage.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Ma’am, maybe the coffee was bad because you allowed it to get cold before drinking it? Either way, I’m afraid your coffee today cannot be on the house as we have no proof you actually bought anything from us in the first place, and if you did, we could only comp the same drink order, not all four. Now, if you would like your drinks, it will cost you [full amount]!”

Customer: “You’re just trying to screw me over! I’m never coming back here!” *stomps off*

Me: “We can only hope…”

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