A Large Idiot

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(This customer comes through the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Hello. I’d like an iced capp, please.”

Me: “What size would you like?”

Customer: *raises his voice* “An iced capp.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What size would you like?”

Customer: *practically yelling* “What’s so f****** difficult to understand? I want a f****** iced capp.”

Me: *I raise my voice a little* “Okay, sir. I understand you want an iced capp, but what size would you like?”

Customer: “Oh, uh… large.”

(When he drove up to the window, he was completely silent and said nothing to the cashier.)

Unhappy Annibirthentine’s Day

, , , , , , , , | Romantic | February 15, 2018

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], it’s Valentine’s Day!”

Coworker: “Not only that; it’s also my wedding anniversary.”

Me: “Aww, how romantic!”

Coworker: And it’s my birthday!”

Me: Wow! Your husband must be planning something really special, eh?”

Coworker: “Nope. I’m pretty sure he forgot.”

Me: *pause* “How could he possibly forget?”

Coworker: “I wonder that every year.”

H2-D’oh! Part 3

, , , | Right | February 14, 2018

(Two brothers come into the salon. The older one is 17, and the younger one 11 or 12.)

Older Brother: “My brother would like a water massage.”

Me: “Um…”

Older Brother: “Do you not do those here?”

Me: “Um… No?”

(I do the younger kid’s cut and send them on their way. Thirty minutes later the mom calls.)

Mom: “Is your manager there? My son was told you guys don’t do shampoos there.”

Me: “I think that was me. I’m so sorry. He asked for a water massage, and I just got really confused.”

Mom: “Oh, I’m sorry. So, my son is just an idiot, then.”

H2-D’oh! Part 2

Their Service Is 0.5 Better Than The Rest

, , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(I am helping a young man and his father find new shoes for school.)

Son: “Do you have these in a size 10?”

Me: “I’ll check.”

(I go to and return from stock room.)

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have a 10. I have the same shoe in a 9.5 or a 10.5, though, and I brought them if you want to try either on.”

Father: “What do you mean you don’t have a 10? What kind of place is this?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. We are currently sold out of that size, but I do have either a half-size bigger or smaller here with me.”

Son: “I’ll try them on.”

Father: “NO! We wanted the size 10! I will not be shopping here for my son’s school shoes again! Do you have another location close by?”

Me: “No. Our closest location is an eight-hour drive away, but you could check at [Competitor] that is also in this mall.”

Father: “They’ll probably have better service than you!”

(They leave and come back about an hour later, the father looking very unhappy.)

Son: “Can I just get those shoes in the 10.5?”

(The competitor has a reputation in our town for having poor-quality customer service.)

Just Got Owned And The Owner Isn’t Even Here

, , , , , | Right | February 13, 2018

(I work in a hotel.)

Guest: “Come on. You can give me a better rate than that! I know [Owner].”

Me: *feigning glee* “Heeeyyy! Me, too!”

Guest: “Hmm… No. I mean, I know him! Personally!”

Me: “ME, TOO! I was just at the BBQ bash he gave for his best friends, associates, and business partners. How come I didn’t see you there?”

Guest: *gives up and accepts the standard rate*

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