(I am a housekeeper in a hotel in my town that holds a lot of contracts with companies, meaning they get a discount price when they use us. One of our biggest contracts is with the railroad; we have rooms set aside for transport — in and out constantly because they are driving the trains — and some who are long-term that are brought in to work in the area for a long period before moving to the next location.

This involves a guy in a crew that is part of the long-term group. For the record, a lot of them have told me they don’t actually have a permanent address — that they literally live out of hotel rooms and just stay with family if they have a break between jobs.)

Coworker: “Hey, do you have room 123 on your list?”

Me: “Yes, they had their ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign up.”

Coworker: “Well, I just had a guy tell me to clean his d*** room.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go now.”

(I head to the room, and when I get there the sign is still up and I hear people inside. I knock and identify myself as housekeeping. The guest opens the door.)

Guest: “About d*** time.”

Me: *smiling* “Hi, my coworker said you asked for service. Is there something specific you needed?”

Guest: “I need my f****** room cleaned! I have been here almost a week and no one has been doing their jobs and f****** cleaned it.”

Me: *keeping my nicest smile I can* “I am sorry about that. I noticed your ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign is up; may I ask how long it has been up?”

Guest: “I put it up when I got here so no one comes in when I’m f****** sleeping.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, sir, but we are not allowed to enter a room when the sign is up without permission, and as the sign indicates, we cannot disturb the person to ask for it. Technically, since it’s still up, I shouldn’t have knocked.”

Guest: “I don’t want you to disturb me when I am sleeping but I still want my room cleaned! God, you are stupid!”

Me: *still smiling* “I am sorry, sir, but we have no way of knowing that you are not sleeping unless you take it down.”

Guest: “So, you won’t come in at all unless I hunt you down like an animal and ask? That’s bulls***!”

Me: “A lot of guests do not like the idea of strangers being in their room so they keep it up at all times and ask if towels or any other items are needed.”

Another Guy In The Room: “So, that’s why you asked if he needed something specific?”

Me: “Yes, sir, most common requests are fresh towels or for us to take out the garbage.”

Guest: “Well, I want my entire room cleaned.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but in future, you will either need to take down the sign or again ask for assistance.”

Guest: “What if I forget to put it up?! I don’t want you in the room while I’m sleeping!”

Me: “We always knock first but if no response is received and we enter to find someone sleeping we leave immediately. But the door does have a deadbolt; if you lock it no one can enter, not even with our master key. If you want, you can lock your door so if your sign is not up we will knock but we can’t come in.”

Guest: “Really?”

(With the door open, I lock the deadbolt and use my key, showing him that it won’t unlock.)

Guest: “Well, the sign is only for when I am sleeping.”

(Thankfully, the other guy in the room convinced him to leave me to clean in peace. This guy had one of the dirtiest rooms I had ever cleaned. Since we are not allowed to touch guest’s stuff we have to clean around it. The bathtub had a black ring around it and there were personal hygiene products all across the sink and clothes everywhere that made vacuuming impossible, and I had to hop to get to his bed which, thankfully, didn’t have anything on it.

The worst was the kitchen. He had trash and dirty dishes across the counters as well as food and other things. Each room has recycling and two garbage cans; all were empty. We are allowed to empty the cans, but we can’t clean up since we cannot guarantee what is garbage and what isn’t.

While I was cleaning the front desk came to tell me I had transport rooms that needed to be cleaned ASAP and thankfully saw the mess, which was good because the guy actually complained that I didn’t properly clean his room. When asked, he said it was still a mess and that I didn’t do his dishes.)

(I am working the overnight shift at a hotel. At shift change, my coworker warns me that a guy was in earlier today and was so drunk that he could barely stand. Lots happened, but eventually, the police were called and he was taken away. The cops said he would probably be back to pick up his things once he sobered up, probably about six hours later, which would put him squarely in my shift. My shift goes well to start, and then, around 1:30 am, a guy comes in.)

Me: “Good evening. What can I do for you tonight?”

Guest: “I need to check in.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a reservation?” 

(All of the reservations for the previous day are in, so I want to make sure he’s at the right hotel.)

Guest: “No, I need to make a reservation and check-in.”

Me: “No problem.”

(We go through the normal questions — how long are you staying, what type of room, etc. As I get his info, I realize that this is the same guest I was warned about, who technically still has a room but has not paid for his stay tonight. He has also smoked in his room, which means I can’t use his deposit to pay for tonight’s stay as it will be used to cover the smoking charge.)

Me: “Okay, it looks like your previous reservation was extended, but I do need payment for tonight still.”

Guest: “Oh, okay.” *pulls out his wallet and starts looking through it* “Oh, man, I’m going to have to pay with my card.”

Me: “That’s not a problem; we take credit cards here.”

(I’m thinking to myself, “Great, I’ll have a card and won’t have to worry about any other potential damages.”)

Guest: *spends a minute fumbling with his wallet* “Sorry about that. Here you go.” *hands me his driver’s license*

Me: “This is a driver’s license. I need a credit card.”

Guest: “Oh, this is my only card. Can I use my credit card?”

Me: “Yes, I can take a credit card.”

Guest: *hands me his driver’s license*

Me: “This is a driver’s license, not a credit card.”

Guest: “Oh, sorry. I’ll have to use my credit card to pay. Is that okay?”

Me: “Yes.”

Guest: *hands me his driver’s license again*

Me: “Sir, this is not a credit card. I can’t take this.”

Guest: “Can you try it?”

Me: “There’s no chip or mag stripe for me to run through the machine. It isn’t tied to any financial institution or bank account; there is no way for me to take payment from a driver’s license. If you left your card in your room I can escort you down to get it so you can pay.”

Guest: “That would be great! You’re a lifesaver.”

(I escort the guest down to his room and I wait just inside the room with the door open while he goes to look for his card. He spends about fifteen minutes looking and eventually, I have to return to the desk to help another guest. I tell the guy I’ll be back in thirty minutes to get payment or he will have to gather his belongings and leave. About ten minutes later, the guest returns to the desk.)

Guest: “Found it!”

Me: “Perfect! Let’s get you taken care of.”

(I go to run the card, and I realize it’s a Visa Debit, which I have to run differently than a regular credit card. I fix the mistake and pass the terminal to the guest.)

Guest: *starts typing in PIN*

Me: “Wait, you can’t do your PIN yet; you need to follow the prompts on screen.”

(The guest finished and, surprise, surprise, his card was declined. He went back to his room to transfer funds to his account. Hopefully, he comes back and his card works, because I dread having to call the cops on him again.)

(A customer is thoroughly examining our selection of greeting cards.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but where are your anniversary cards?”

Me: “Our anniversary cards are right here.”

(The customer starts looking through the anniversary section of our cards but still finds himself empty-handed.)

Customer: “Uh-oh, I think I’m in trouble now.”

Me: “How so?”

Customer: “Well, you see, the card is for my wife…”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Customer: “It’s not there!”

(I take a look at our anniversary cards, and sure enough, there are no cards for wives. We have anniversary cards for husbands, parents, grandparents, and even friends, but we don’t have any for wives. It’s not that we’re out of stock, but the subsection for it doesn’t even exist.)

Me: “Oh, wow, I can’t believe they’ve done this. I hate to break it to you, but it seems that our suppliers didn’t even consider making anniversary cards for wives.”

Customer: “Why would they not make anniversary cards for the one person you’re actually supposed to give them to?!”

Me: “I know, right? You might want to try [Specialty Card Store] in [Nearby Mall], although they’re a little pricey.”

Customer: “Better than my wife of almost 30 years tearing me a new one!”

Me: “Godspeed, sir.”

I am a cashier. A customer comes to my line wanting to price match 15 of the same item. Our store has a policy that we will match the prices of local competitors to a limit of 5 items per family. A couple walks to my cash wanting to price match toilet paper.

Me: There is a limit of 6 items per family if you price match

Male Customer : Shes not my family. She is my sister.

Me: First off, your sister is still family. Second of all, why did you marry your sister?

Customer: Shi*. Ill just price match 6 of them then.

(the couple price match 6 of them. I still tell this story to all of my co workers to this day and its still funny)

I work at the largest retail store in the world, at a location in Toronto. We have a policy that we will price match any product that our competitors are selling for a lower price as long as it is on the correct flyer date, and the item is the exact flavor, size, etc. A customer comes to my checkout lane demanding that I price match all the items in her cart, and there are about 50 items total. As you have to price override every single item, it takes a long time punching in all of the price override codes and checking the flyer dates and item sizes. The store where they price match also must be within a 30kilometer radius of our store.

Me: How is your day today, ma’am

Customer: Good. I want to price match all of these items in my cart. Here is the flyers.
(She proceeds to pull the flyers on her phone. half of they flyers are invalid, as they are expired, and many of them are from stores in different provinces and even from the U.S., and some of them are in French, which I cant even read. I proceed to tell her which flyers are valid and what arent. I override the valid ones, but i tell her what i cannot price match. By now, there is a long line forming)

Customer in line: Hurry Up!!!!!!!!

Customer: Your taking too long!!!!!

Me to the customer in line: Sorry about the inconvenience, but it will be a long time. (I am only half done with all her price matching. I proceed to keep looking at her flyers and price overriding. By now, i am annoyed, and its the customers fault shes price matching so many items,yet shes complaining im taking too long. Now, i am done. She has only like 10 items she was able to price match the right way. )

Me: Your total is $16.10

Customer: AMEX please. you took a long time. I want a manager to complain to.

(I call a customer service manager(CSM), who proceeds to back me up as I explain everything to her)

CSM: Ma’am, you price matched so many items. You should expect to be in line for a long time if you price match.

(she pays for her items, without saying a word, and leaves.)

Coworker at the till behind me: She was a bitc*

Me: I know, right!!!!

Customer in line: I was yelling at the customer in line who was price matching to hurry up. I guess some people dont realize cashiers are live human beings too

Me: Well, hopefully she goes to self checkout next time

(I proceed with her transaction, and the rest of the day runs smoothly)

(there is a moment of sience before the CSM leaves)