(this took place during my first shift as a server in a new restaurant. The customer’s question caught me off guard, and I think even my answer to his question is pretty laughable)
Customer: On the *specific* pizza, are the mushrooms cooked?
Me: uh… um, well, the mushrooms go on the pizza… and then the pizza goes in the oven… and so then they cook in the oven.
To put myself through university, I worked retail in the biggest mall in the world. It’s a major tourist destination almost 1000 km from the US border. American tourists are common, and some shops do accept US currency, but not all, and no one carries a separate American cash float–if you pay in American currency, you get Canadian change. Most people understand this.
Man: Do you accept American money?
Me: Yes, we do. The exchange rate today is [rate].
The man buys a small item and pays with a large US bill. I give him is change in Canadian money.
Man: I don’t want this.
Me: I’m sorry?
Man: This fake Monopoly money. Give me back real money.
[Note that Canadian bills are not all green; different values are different colours.]
Me: Sir, this is real money. It’s Canadian currency.
Man: Why would I want Canadian money?
Me: You’re in Canada…
Man: Give me real money! American money! You said you accepted it!
Me: We do, but we don’t have an American float. If you pay in US dollars, we exchange it at the current rate and give you your change in Canadian.
Man: That’s stupid!
Me: I’m sorry. I can refund your purchase and give you your original bill back if you want.
Man: I don’! I want my change in REAL money!
Me: I only have Canadian change. It is real money.
Man: This is why you’ll never get a real job! [Grabs his change and his purchase and storms out.]
(Since then, I’ve gone on to get my PhD. I now work in university administration. And anyone who’s ever worked in retail knows that it is an incredibly challenging real job!)
I work for an organization that is commonly mistaken as a government agency. This person called three times this morning. The calls were almost identical.
Me: “Good morning, [My Name] speaking.”
Caller: “Hi there. I was wondering if you have an [Officer Title] there?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. The [Officer Title] works for the [Government Agency]. Would you like their phone number?”
Caller: “No, no. I just want to confirm. I’m writing an article. You don’t have an [Officer Title] there?”
Me: “No, we don’t. He works for [Government Agency].”
Caller: “Aren’t you the [Government Agency]?”
Me: “No, we’re not.”
I go on to explain the differences between my organization and the government agency, and the call ends with her seeming to understand.
Five minutes later, she calls back, and we repeat the call.
Five minutes later, she calls back, seemingly more confused than ever. I explain that she can Google the government agency, and she’ll find all she needs to know about the [Officer Title], and that I can direct her to their office, if she’d like, for more information.
Caller: “You sound like you’re trying to be helpful, but I know you’re trying to brush me off! Just because I stutter doesn’t mean I’m an idiot! I know you’re the same organization! Why don’t you get off your high horse and help me?!”
Me: “Miss, I’m sorry you feel I am being patronizing. I am not. My organization may seem to be similar to [Government Agency], but—”
I go on to explain again.
Me: “I would very much like to help you, but the best way I can do that is to direct you towards the office and person you are seeking. Would you like that phone number?”
Caller: “NO! Ugh. You’re useless. I’ll call the corporate office.”
I haven’t had a call from them yet, but… yeah. Awesome!
Me: “Thank you for calling [Bakery]. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Hi. I just purchased an assortment of your cupcakes which are falsely advertised as nut-free! I am bringing these to a school so they have to be nut-free!”
Me: “I can assure you that our entire facility is peanut- and tree-nut-free.”
Customer: “Don’t lie to me. I can see that some of these cupcakes have coconut!”
Me: “Coconut isn’t a nut. It can be classified as a seed or a fruit, but is not part of the ‘nut’ family or associated with a nut allergy.”
Customer: “Are you stupid?! It’s called a coco-nut for a reason! I need a manager immediately!”
I hand the phone to my manager who has heard the conversation and is hysterically laughing. This is not the first time we have received one of these calls but I am always the one to answer.
Manager: “I am terribly sorry, but we do not give refunds for ignorance or lack of knowledge. Have a great day.” *Click*
I am walking out of the cash office to put my cash drawer in the register. I have to recount it in front of a manager before I start my shift to make sure I have my required float. My cash light is off, signaling I’m not ready to accept customers yet.
A woman walks up with her young daughter — maybe ten — and places a greeting card on the belt.
Me: “I’m sorry, miss, I’m not ready to accept customers yet, as I have to still count my drawer. Cash #1 would be happy to help you.”
Mother: *To her daughter* “Now, honey, we have to go stand at the end of the line behind everyone. Now we’re last because this lady should have been ready to take us. We’re going to be late for Granny’s birthday because of this lady.”
Me: “I do apologize, miss. It should only take me a minute if you would rather wait?”
Mother: “No, it’s fine. You have just provided my daughter with a good lesson. When an employee is at work, they should be ready to serve at all times. Now you have shown her that stupid people like you are what’s wrong with the world, and you can’t do anything about stupid people making you late for things.”
The mother and daughter walk off into my coworker’s line — one customer deep — and huff and puff while I count my drawer. I hear the mother complain to my coworker about how I’m slow and should really have been ready to serve her immediately.
Coworker: “We are all required to count our drawers and enter it into the system before taking on any customers, and her shift hasn’t even started yet, so she is well within company policy to make sure everything adds up before taking on any customers.”
The mother has been served and starts heading past my register. She stops and says to her daughter:
Mother: “When Granny gets upset that we’re late, we can come back and thank this lady for ruining everything.”
Just as she has finished berating me, I am done counting and flip my cash light on and ask to take the next customer in line.
Daughter: *To her mother* “See mommy? She’s open now. Didn’t Granny say, ‘If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, to you when you were a little girl like me? You called that lady stupid and I think she’s smart.”
The mother turned beet red and hurried out the door.
Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 17
