I am working a normal shift at my local cell phone store. For a chunk of the time, we are called for tech support. Even though we are only sales, we do our best to help out. It doesn’t always go smoothly, like with this phone call.

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?” 

Customer: “Hi. I have a cell phone with you guys, and I have a problem connecting it to my Wi-Fi. I also got a text message saying I’ve used all my data. How? I never use my phone at home. It just sits here and now I got overage charges on my bill.”

Me: “If you don’t use your phone at home, what might have happened was it automatically updated some of your apps or the phone software while it was sitting there.” 

Customer: “But I wasn’t using my phone!”

Me: “You don’t have to use your phone if it is doing automatic updates.” 

Customer: “I wasn’t using my phone. How could I use all that data if I wasn’t using my phone?”

Me: “For automatic updates, you do not have to use your phone for those updates to download onto the phone. Like I said, what might have happened while your phone was sitting around at home is that it downloaded a few big updates, and since you were not connected to Wi-Fi, that’s what could have used up all your data.” 

Customer: “But I don’t use my phone at home!”

Me: “…” 

Sometimes there is just no helping people — especially those who come to you for help but don’t listen to what you tell them.

My childhood cat was very food-motivated and very vocal about wanting her next meal.

At one point, my mom told me to be prepared to come down for the cat’s final days because she’d stopped demanding food. We both figured that once she lost interest in eating, it was probably the beginning of the end for her. Mom continued to keep a close eye on her, and though her health did not seem to be declining, she still did not have her usual enthusiasm for being fed.

Eventually, my mom called me and told me to disregard her previous portents of doom. Between laughs, she told me how they’d emptied the bag of food they had upstairs, gone down to the basement to get the next bag, and discovered the hole she’d gnawed in the side of it. And once her secret stash of food disappeared, she immediately returned to loudly begging.

That cat went on to live until the ripe old age of eighteen. And she remained vocal about her desire for food until the very end.

This happened a couple of years ago at a department store with one of their tools that often go on sale for huge discounts.

We were helping my in-laws clear out old belongings when they were moving, and I found an impact wrench that looked unused with an old receipt attached. My father-in-law said that there was always a problem with it, so he never used it and forgot to return it.

I decided to try to return it to [Department Store] since they have long warranties on their products. The customer service representative looked at the receipt for $60 (on sale from $200).

Representative: “You can’t return this item with this receipt. Too much time has passed and the receipt is useless.”

I tried explaining that there were issues with the wrench, but she didn’t believe me. I Googled the issues right there, and it came up as a recall item for the exact reason I had stated. I showed it to her, and she begrudgingly agreed that I could return it as a recall.

She asked for the receipt back so she could refund me.

Me: “No, too much time has passed and the receipt is useless.”

She glared at me and processed a cash refund for $225+ including taxes.

This is back when I was a little kid. I was in line in a grocery store behind a loudmouthed customer.

Customer: “I don’t want that Black boy bagging my groceries.”

The manager (a family friend) got called over to see what the problem was.

Manager: “Okay, time for you to get out and not come back.”

Customer: “I just want someone else to bag my groceries.”

Manager: “And I just want your racist a** to leave.” 

The customer “humphed” and left without his groceries. The manager had someone follow him to his car and get the license plate, and then he called the only other grocery store in town and told his buddy, the manager there, what had happened. He was denied entry into the other store.

There wasn’t another decent-sized grocery store for more than fifty miles.

My coworker and I are in a meeting room, waiting for the other meeting attendees to arrive.

Me: “Just to let you know, I’m taking next Monday off.”

Coworker: “Oh?”

Me: “Yes, it’s my wedding anniversary on Sunday, and my husband and I always celebrate with a big bottle of champagne. I’m anticipating being a bit worse-for-wear on Monday morning—” *laughs self-deprecatingly* “—so I decided it’d be best if I didn’t work that day.”

Coworker: “Is that so?”

She screws up her face as if she’s sucked a lemon.

Coworker: “And here I didn’t know that you were a drinker.”

Me: *Slightly stunned* “Uh… I wouldn’t have put it quite like that, but I do enjoy a drink every now and again, yes.”

She looks me up and down, lips pursed.

Coworker: “Hmm. You hide it well, I’ll give you that.”

Me: “…”

That coworker was always cold to me after that. I’m pretty sure that she thought I had a bottle of Scotch hidden in my desk or something.