What The Beep Is This?!

, , , , | Related | February 13, 2018

(Back in the mid-90s, my father discovered the joys of collect calling. Sadly, he is also very impatient and easily distracted, leading to several people and companies receiving calls like this:)

Recording: “You have a collect call from… uuuugh…”

Recording: “You have a collect call from…” *Dad trying to quiet my baby sister* “Shhh… Quiet, baby.”

Recording: “You have a collect call from… I’m waiting for the beep; I don’t hear a beep!”

(Surprisingly, all these calls were somehow accepted.)

Unfiltered Story #105419

, , , , | Unfiltered | February 13, 2018

We have a 10-year-old fancy dryer. It worked well for a long time and last year the belt busted and we had it replaced. Lo and behold a year later it goes again.

We called the supplier and tell them what had happened and explained that it seemed to be the same problem and it would probably need a new belt again. However, the repairman was sent without knowledge of that information and arrived without the part. Sure enough, we did need that part so in the end they took $180 from my grandmother from two visits. We figured it was all worth it if we can get some laundry done while we wait for our new machines that we ended up buying halfway through the wait out of frustration. (Initially we thought we would keep the repaired dryer and the new set).

Except because the part is as old as the machine it breaks again after one load.

So my mom calls the call center (which was closed on the weekend) on Monday and talks to someone reading from a script. A script that boils down to “tough beans we have your money and it isn’t our responsibility to be honest with you and tell you the truth about whether or not you should have it repaired”.

She then talks to the repair company who was hired by appliance company and learns that they are payed only a portion of the amount and that the appliance people keep most of the money and if we had talked to them directly they would have advised us of the road we were headed down.

She calls back the appliance company and speaks to another person who reads from the same script. Eventually my mom moves up to the supervisor who commences by reading the same script and states quite clearly that they are unable to help us further and that they have our money and that is all that matters. They could care less that they took $180 dollars from a senior on a repair that never should have been done.

Moral of the story: There is a reason why they brag that their repair department is underused.

Unfiltered Story #105417

, | Unfiltered | February 13, 2018

You know when your writing down something and you’re overhearing a conversation at the same time, then you wrote down something you didn’t mean to because you heard it in the conversation? Happens to me quite a bit except sometimes I’ll say something I didn’t mean to, I just saw the word and it’s added to the conversation. This was one of this hillarious mistakes.

I’m in the guard office and I reach for a magazine. To my surprise, I instead pull out a cake covered with plastic wrap on a plate.

Me: What? How?

Coworker: Oh, I’m so sorry! That’s mine, I came in and had to rush to my lesson, so I quickly put it there. Sorry.

Me: Oh that’s okay (hands it back to him)

As I’m handing it back to him, I looked down and see a magazine with an article about Kim K’s 72 day MARRIAGE. This is when my brain diverts because what I meant to say was:

Me: That’s okay, for a second I was like score! Free cake!

Instead, what I said was:

Me: That’s okay, for a second I was like score! Free marriage!

Then picked up a magazine and started to read it because I didn’t realize what I said. Meanwhile, my coworker is still holding the cake and looking at me confused. That’s when it hits me.

Me: …Did I say marriage?

Coworker: Uh, yeah.

Me: Oh no, oh no. Sorry. That’s not what I meant. I don’t want to marry you.

I had to explain to him what Jude happened to the best of my abilities. Luckily, he found it funny and wasn’t creeped out anymore.

Giving Them Room For Doubt

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2018

(A man calls in and asks to be transferred to a guest’s room, which I oblige since he has the name of the guest. Ten minutes or so later, I recognize the same man’s voice, calling for the same room, and I transfer him again. Finally, he calls for a third time not a minute later.)

Caller: “I want to talk to [Guest].”

Me: “Okay, sir. I’ll transfer you…”

Caller: “No, no one is answering.”

Me: “Maybe he is out of his room.”

Caller: “What do you mean, he is out of his room? Did you see him?”

Me: “No, I did not see him, but—”

Caller: “He just checked in a few minutes ago.”

Me: “Maybe he decided to go to a restaurant, or to the bar, or just out for fresh air?”

Caller: *pause* “People do that?”

Truly Sickening Imagery

, , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2018

(I don’t think this series of text messages from an employee — who didn’t last too long, by the way — to our boss needs much commentary.)

Employee: “I can’t come into work today. My dog is really sick, and I need to take her to the vet.”

Employee: *texts photo of a pile of dog vomit*

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