An Orchestra Of Confusion

, , , , , | Right | August 9, 2018

(Our theatre has one auditorium, [Hall], with two levels: orchestra and balcony. When taking tickets, I routinely have these conversations with patrons:)

Me: “Okay, you’re upstairs in the balcony, nearest—”


Me: *politely* “Yes, the balcony section of [Hall].”

Patron: *snatches ticket back and storms up the stairs*

(Another example:)

Patron: *rushing up in a panic* “The sign says ‘orchestra’ above the door to the theatre! We don’t want to watch the orchestra; we want to see the play! We paid to see the play!”

Me: *politely* “Yes, you will be able to see the play. Your seats are simply on the first level of the auditorium.”

Patron: “Oh. But if the orchestra blocks our view, can we get a refund?”

Me: *picking my battles* “This play doesn’t have an orchestra. I’m sure you’ll be fine, but please let the staff know if there are any problems.”

(Another example: seeing, “ORCH,” short for “orchestra,” on their ticket, a patron asks, completely serious:)

Patron: “Does ‘orch’ mean there’s an orchard in there?”

The (Water)Mark Of A Good Boss

, , , , | Working | August 9, 2018

(I work at a company as a photographer. Recently, my boss suggested getting the watermark always used on our images changed, so I got a new watermark from our graphic designer and starting using it. Several weeks later, I am chatting with my boss.)

Boss: *while scrolling through images* “That watermark looks so much nicer than the old one!”

Me: “I agree!”

Boss: “Good job suggesting that.”

Me: “Um… That was actually your idea.”

Boss: “Oh?”

Me: *laughing* “So, good job!”

Boss: “Thanks! I just wanted to be complimented.”

Me: “Slightly backhanded, but hey, it worked!”

A Very Family-Friendly Hotel!

, , , , , | Working | August 9, 2018

(I work at a hotel where we take third-party online reservations. Every now and again, reservations will come in that have requests attached, but we can’t always view the whole request, because of miscommunications between the third-party system and the hotel’s system.)

Guest: “We did put in a request for a baby crib, if you have one, but we figured the message didn’t go through.”

(I check, and start laughing.)

Me: *between laughs* “It did… It just got cut off, so it says, ‘Could you please provide us with a baby.’”

(The guest chuckles.)

Guest: “We already have two; we don’t need any more.”

Me: “I will go get you that crib.”

Guest: “Hopefully without a baby in it!”

Unfiltered Story #118173

, , | Unfiltered | August 9, 2018

Our menu was recently reorganized, so now our #2 combo is either a double or triple hamburger. The menu panel shows both, with a large “OR” between them, and a price for each one. I’m taking orders on front counter when this occurs.

Customer: “#2 please to go.”

Me: “No problem, the double or the triple?”

Customer: “The double please.”

I ring him up and everything goes smoothly. He comes back in a couple minutes later.

Customer: “You guys forgot my combo.”

(I was the one who bagged his order and it definitely had his food in it)

Me: “I’m sorry about that, you had the #2, right?”

Customer: “Yeah, and I only got the one burger. You need to give me the second one”

Me: “The #2 is only one burger, you get to choose the double or triple.”

Customer: “That’s right and I said double. Double means I get 2 combos.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that isn’t how it works, the double or triple means you get either 2 or 3 patties on the burger. It’s still only one combo.”

Customer: “But that’s not what it says up there.”

Me: “I can assure you that the combo is only one burger, side and drink.”

Customer: “I still need my other burger though, are you going to give it to me?”

Me: “You’ll still have to pay for it because it’s a second combo.”

Customer: “But double means I get two”

This goes on until I finally managed to convince him that “double” did not mean two combos

This Transaction Took 48 Hours

, , , | Right | August 8, 2018

(I work at a box office where we usually accept reservations over the phone. I frequently get scolded for how quickly I talk and have to apply extra effort to keep my voice at a normal human speed. Some customers are understanding and just tease me for it; others seem to think I’m doing it on purpose and get prickly. This is one such person.)

Me: “So, if you give us 48 hours advance notice prior to the show date, we can move your seats to a different night or give you a six-month credit.”

Customer: “I’m sorry; I’m not understanding you. Forty-eight hours, then what?”

Me: *repeats myself*

Customer: “I still can’t understand you. Forty-eight hours, then what?

Me: *repeats myself more slowly*

Customer: “I can’t hear a word you’re saying. I caught, ‘48 hours,’ and, ‘different date,’ but that was it.”

Me: *repeats myself a third time, taking care to enunciate each word clearly*

Customer:There we go! Now I can understand you. Okay, here’s my credit card number, and we’ll see if you can understand me when I talk that fast.”

(The customer then proceeds to rattle off his 16-digit credit card number at the speed of light and seems quite satisfied with himself. Our system is programmed to automatically detect if we haven’t entered correct numbers, or if we’ve put in the wrong amount, as per the credit card company’s algorithms. I am extremely chuffed when the system provides no such error message.)

Customer: “There! Did you get all that?”

Me: *cheerily* “Yep! And the expiry date?”

Customer: “You got all those numbers?”

Me: “Yep!”

Customer: “Oh. Um…” *gives the rest of his information*

Me: “Perfect! So, we charged [amount] onto your credit card and, as I said before, it’s non-refundable, but so long as you give us forty-eight hours advance notice prior to the show date, we can move you to a different night of the show or give you a six-month credit.”

Customer: “Okay, now, you want to read all those numbers back to me so I can make sure they’re right?”

Me: “Oh, it already processed and the system approved it, so it looks like all the information was correct!”

Customer: “Oh. So, you understood me even when I was talking that fast?”

Me: “Yep, I understood you just fine!”

Customer: “Oh.”

Me: “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. Thank you.” *click*

(I don’t mind when people ask me to speak more slowly when they have trouble hearing, but there’s no need to be rude. I’m not doing this on purpose; it’s just how I talk!)

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