It’s A T(r)ap

, , , , , | Working | October 11, 2018

(I’m walking up to the Skytrain station so I can begin my commute for the day when I overhear this exchange between a station employee and a passenger struggling to get through the gates into the station. There appears to be a problem with the passenger’s transit card.)

Employee: “So, it looks like you tapped your card twice by accident; that’s why the gate wouldn’t let you through.”

(The employee uses his card to let the passenger through.)

Passenger: “Okay, thank you.” *walks into the station*

(The gates close behind the passenger, and the employee taps his card again to let himself through. The display lights up red, telling him his card has already been tapped.)

Employee: “Great, now I’m stuck.”

Shaving Off Some Sun

, , , , , | Romantic | October 11, 2018

(My husband finishes taking his shower and comes to sit next to me on the sofa.)

Me: *snuggling* “You smell so good!”

Husband: “Yeah, I ran out of shaving cream halfway through and used sunscreen, instead.”

Me: *baffled laughter*

There Is A Special Kind Of Hell Reserved For Those Who RSVP “Maybe”

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 11, 2018

(My fiancé and I are getting ready for our wedding, which is only a few weeks away.)

Me: “Huh, we never got an RSVP back from [Friend #1] or [Friend #2].”

Fiancé: “Let’s call them. The caterer needs to have the final numbers today.”

(I call [Friend #1], and he calls [Friend #2]. The conversations are almost identical, with one important difference:)

Me/Fiancé: “Hi, [Friend]! Just calling to see if you’re coming to my wedding on [date]? We haven’t gotten an RSVP from you.”

Friend #1: “Oh, I’ve been so busy. But if you haven’t heard from me, you can assume that I’m coming.”

Friend #2: “Oops! I keep forgetting to mail it. But if you haven’t heard from me, you can assume that I’m not coming.”


Do Not Eat

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2018

(At this time I’m 21 and I had dyed my hair dark brown with blue streaks, although they had faded to a dull green. [Customer #1] is a woman and [Customer #2] behind her is a man. Both are more than twice my age.)

Customer #1: “You know, that green in your hair kind of looks like celery.”

(I smile as politely as possible and finish her order.)

Customer #2: “You know, I don’t think you look like celery. But if you were I’d eat you.”

Me: *stunned silence*

(I managed to make it through the order after that. Thank goodness it was an express lane and he only had a few items!)

Koffee Kontroversy

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2018

(The office I work at has a Keurig machine and an honour box to pay for the K-Cups at $1 each. Unfortunately, honesty is at a minimum, as very few people actually pay for their coffee, and as a result the committee stops buying the K-Cups. Since the machine is still in the lunchroom, I start buying my own from a local supplier and keeping them locked up in my desk. My sister works in the same office as me, and of course I am okay with her taking my coffee without compensating me; she’s family, after all. Other coworkers notice I have coffee and want some. My sister is digging through my desk, selecting a flavour of coffee.)

Sister: “What is this? I don’t like any of the flavours you have here.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I have a few different flavours at home; I’ll bring them tomorrow.”

(A coworker approaches.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can I have a coffee?”

Me: “They’re $1 each.”

Coworker: “What? [Sister] doesn’t have to pay. Why should I?”

Me: “Um… She’s my sister?”

Coworker: “So?”

Me: “Ah… Family? You know, you do stuff for family?”

Coworker: “Why such a high price?”

Me: “It’s expensive. Almost $1 each to begin with, plus I have the extra effort of going out and getting it.”

(My coworker walked off in a huff. A number of people in the office were quite put out that [Sister] didn’t have to pay and they would have to. Interestingly, none of them bought from me. My sister told me after we retired that she had played the whole thing up because she knew it would grind their gears to see her complain while getting free coffee, and the both of us having coffee when they didn’t. Also, none of the other coworkers went out and bought their own K-Cups.)

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