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A Sticky Situation

, , , | Right | June 27, 2008

(Ever wonder why you can’t buy gum at a movie theater? Patrons plaster their used gum *everywhere.* An assistant manager I worked with knew exactly how to get the point across.)

Movie Theater Patron: “Do you carry any gum?”

Assistant Manager: *low growl* “Gum… is our enemy.”

The Early Bird Counts Its Chickens In The Bush

, , , , , , | Working | June 13, 2008

(My boss spent thirty-five years in the Army, and it shows. He is famous for quoting motivational posters.)

Boss: *to camper* “I understand your concern, ma’am, but sometimes you have to crawl before you can walk.”

Camper: “I just wanted to transfer campsites.”

Boss: “Understood. But sometimes it takes a village, right?”

Camper: *to me* “Can I speak with someone who isn’t on crack?”

Even Bosses Have A Stupid Quota, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2008

A woman with her young son come up to the counter.

Me: “Hello, ma’am, and welcome to [Fast Food Place]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like two burgers, one of them on a sesame-seedless bun, please.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, but we’re actually out of seedless buns right now.”

Customer: “How dare you! My son has deathly allergies to a lot of things, I’ll have you know!”

Me: “Ma’am, is he allergic to sesame seeds?”

Customer: “No, he isn’t.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, the only difference between seeded and seedless buns are the sesame seeds, so it will be fine for your son to eat one with seeds.”

Customer: “HOW F****** DARE YOU! YOU DON’T TELL ME WHAT MY SON CAN OR CANNOT EAT! I WANT A SEEDLESS BUN, D*** YOU! GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Me: “Yes, of course. Just one moment.”

(I go and get the manager and explain the situation. My manager, NOT a people person, grabs a seeded bun and proceeds to the front with a knife.)

Manager: “HERE IS YOUR D**N SEEDLESS BUN!”

(My manager slices off the top half of the bun and throws it on the counter.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, shut the f*** up.”


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Impersonating Your Boss: FAIL

, , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Woman: “I am speaking on behalf of my boss. He wants a tax statement… What do I need to do?”

Me: “You need to put your boss on the phone so I can talk to him about this.”

Woman: “No. ”

Me: “Sorry?”

Woman: “He has given me verbal consent to speak on his behalf.”

Me: “Well, unfortunately, I won’t be able to do that. I will need to speak to your boss directly.”

Woman: “Why?”

Me: “Because I need to do a security check with him to protect his privacy.”

Woman: “What privacy?”

Me: “His personal information.”

Woman: “He refuses to deal with you himself.”

Me: “Unfortunately he will HAVE to deal with us himself for us to organise this statement for him. Verbal consent is not valid as we hold very private information about our clients.”

Woman: *deepens voice, obviously attempting to sound like a man* “Okay then, my name is [Boss], I was born on [birthdate], and this is my card.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know that you are not your boss. We do need to speak to Mr. [Boss] himself. Is there anything else I can help with?”

Woman: “F*** YOU!”

Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

 

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