Should Have Said A Million Dollars

, , , , , | Right | April 15, 2019

(In the music store where I work, there is a bass hung up on the wall of one of our demo rooms. It’s a really random, oddball custom job that one of our former employees had put together for himself before moving away, and he never picked it up or had it sent to him. My boss has decided to hang it up simply for decoration with a sign that says, “NOT FOR SALE.” A couple of guys are demoing a guitar in the room, and when they come out, this exchange happens.)

Customer: “What’s the most expensive guitar you guys have?”

Me: “Probably the Taylor in the case, which is over $4000.”

Customer: “What about that bass in the room over there?”

Me: “Which one?”

Customer: “The one that says, ‘Not for sale.’”

Me: “Um… It isn’t for sale.”

Customer: “But how much is it?”

Me: “It has no price, because it’s not for sale.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay. Thanks.” *leaves*

Me: *turning to my coworker* “What exactly does ‘not for sale’ usually mean? Am I missing something?”

Grandma Been Raisin Some Crazy Grandkids

, , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2019

(I’m waiting in line for food at the office cafeteria, making chit-chat with one of the chefs, when an angry woman walks up and cuts in front of me.)

Woman: “Can I get some raisin sauce?”

Chef: “Raisin sauce?”

Woman: “Yes, I want some raisin sauce to go with my turkey.”

Chef: “You mean cranberry sauce?”


(This continues for some time.)

Chef: “We don’t have raisin sauce and I have no idea what it is.”

Woman: *now slamming her food tray on the counter* “THE RAISIN SAUCE! YOU KNOW?! LIKE GRANDMA USED TO MAKE!”

(My department now asks for the “Raisin Sauce” on the regular to keep the kitchen staff laughing through the lunch rush.)

It’s Not Cold Enough To Be Stone-Cold Sober

, , , , , | Right | December 22, 2018

(I work at a popular fast food chain. One night, an elderly lady comes in. It’s in the middle of February, but is only a bit chilly today.)

Customer: “I need you to call an ambulance. I’m cold and I don’t want to walk home.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. I can only call if it’s an emergency.”

Customer: “It is an emergency! I’m cold and don’t want to walk home.”

Me: “I can give you a free cup of coffee, but that’s all I can do.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not leaving!”

(She was staring at the counter and peeking up at me with a smile like she was going to do something dangerous. I called the police and explained the situation. Once I hung up, a few cop cars swarmed the parking lot. An officer asked where she was; I had her in the back with a coworker watching her. Turns out, she was drunk, and she was a regular to them.)

Repossession Is Ten Tenths Of The Law

, , , , , | Hopeless | December 2, 2018

(I am unemployed for an extended period of time. I end up getting a ticket for lapsed car inspection. The police officer tells me to get the car inspected and the ticket will be reduced to a parking fine. Two hours after this, my car gets repossessed by my car finance company. This is three days before I start my new job. I am not able to get the car inspected, so I go to court to pay the ticket.)

Judge: “So, we can reduce this to a parking fine if you plead guilty. Did you get the car inspected?”

Me: “Unfortunately, the car got repossessed several hours after I got the ticket.”

Judge: “Oh, no! That’s terrible!”

Me: “Well, I have a job now and I’m doing well, so it could be worse. I’m hoping to get the car back on Friday, and then I’ll have it inspected.”

Judge: “I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better. You have enough on your plate, so I’m dismissing this. You have a good day!”

Me: “Thank you so much!”

(I got the car back and it is now inspected. I’m super grateful to the judge, because if I’d had to pay a fine, I wouldn’t have had enough money to recover my car.)

Go Back To Free-Styling It

, , , , , | Right | November 9, 2018

(This is when the big, all-in-one, self-serve, “freestyle” soda dispensers are still a relatively new concept. I work at the concession stand in a movie theater where this exact interaction takes place multiple times a day.)

Me: “Here’s your cup for your drink.”

Customer #1: “We get the drinks ourselves?”

Me: *gestures across the lobby* “Yes, it’s self-serve at the freestyles, right over there.”

Customer #1: *looking around, confused* “What’s a ‘freestyle’?”

Me: *smiling politely* “The big red machines over in the corner.”

Customer #1: *smiles gratefully and laughs a little* “Okay, thanks!”

(I never get irritated at repeatedly answering that same question with that same answer, because I had never heard of a “freestyle” until I started working here, so I have sympathy for the customers’ confusion. But for everyone’s benefit, I decide to start cutting to the chase, while also hopefully still getting a smile or chuckle out of our customers. This happens with the very first customer I try my new tactic on.)

Me: “Here’s your cup for your drink.”

Customer #2: “We get the drinks ourselves?”

Me: *gestures to freestyles while smiling brightly* “Yep! At the big red machines over there.”

(The customer suddenly scowls at me and emits an irritated laugh.)

Customer #2: “So, you think I’m just some stupid b**** you have to dumb it down for? GOD!”

(The customer stormed off, muttering about how rude I was and how stupid I must have thought she was. I went back to the old spiel after that.)

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