Their Driving Is Nothing To Sneeze At

, , , , , , , | Romantic | December 8, 2018

(I have PTSD from being in a severe car accident as a child that resulted in a traumatic brain injury. I am mostly recovered and normal as an adult. I prefer to have my wife drive on days when my PTSD is acting up. There’s just this one thing: when she’s driving and sneezes, she grips the wheel with a death grip, shuts her eyes tight, and shakes the wheel side-to-side, making the whole vehicle move side-to-side on the road. This is brown-pants-level terrifying for me. She thinks I’m being a baby about it. We have a dumb fight over it, and then get over it. The next week her parents are in town. Her father is driving us somewhere and he’s driving way above the speed limit. Suddenly, he sneezes, and in doing so, grips and shakes the wheel violently, which causes the vehicle to suddenly merge into a different lane.)

Wife: *with terror in her eyes* “Sorry about last week. You were right.”

Unfiltered Story #131649

, , , | Unfiltered | December 8, 2018

Customer: “These dips look the same, but I know they must be different because they’re not the same price.”
Me: “Actually, they are both Spinach Artichoke (as it says on the label). The prices are different because it’s sold by the pound.”
Customer: “…what does that mean?”
Me: O_o

When Sleeping On The Job Means Not Sleeping On The Job

, , , , , | Romantic | October 29, 2018

(I suffer from a fatigue disorder which has only within a couple of years begun to be managed by medication. I hate napping, because if I nap for more than an hour, I can’t sleep at all the next night, and napping for less than an hour gives me a migraine. Thankfully I haven’t gotten tired enough to nap since starting the medication. It is also important to note that my wife usually has to push to get me to leave the house for work and school, as I am a massive shut-in.)

Me: “I’m not feeling well.”

Wife: “That’s okay. We have nowhere to go. Just take it easy.”

(A couple of hours later, I end up taking a nap for four hours.)

Me: “I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can go to college tomorrow.”

Wife: *uncharacteristically agreeable for this subject* “Okay, hun, go ahead and take the day off.”

Me: “What? No argument about my obligations?”

Wife: “If you’re sick enough to decide to take a nap, and you sleep through the night tonight, I’ll be able to tell you’re actually sick as opposed to having anxiety issues. It’s pretty simple.”

Don’t Want To Taste Those Rainbows

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

(Our library has a snack machine in the lobby, and like many snack machines it occasionally malfunctions, leaving the snack hanging from the coils instead of dropping it. When this happens we can either refund the patron’s money or open the machine and retrieve the snack, so at least once a day we usually get someone coming to the counter requesting help. Sometimes these requests get a little giggle-worthy.)

Boy: *comes up to the counter* “My Skittles are hanging!”

Me: “Um… What?”

Coworker: “The candy machine, right?”

Boy: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “I’ll go fix it.”

(The coworker opens the machine, retrieves the boy’s Skittles, and comes back to the counter.)

Me: “Sorry… I wasn’t expecting him to say that, and my mind immediately went someplace weird.”

Coworker: “Oh, don’t worry; it happens to me, too. The other day a boy came to the counter and said really loudly, ‘My nuts are stuck!’ I had to work so hard not to laugh at him!”

Your Prescription Has Gone To The Dogs

, , , , | Right | October 14, 2018

(I’m working as a cashier in a pet shop.)

Customer: “Do you guys have prescription [Brand] dog food?”

Me: “I’m really sorry; we can’t carry prescription brand foods as we do not have a vet at this location.”

Customer: “Well, why not?”

Me: “The [Nearby Location] branch has one. I suppose it was just our company’s idea; I’m not sure.”

Customer: “Well, when are you getting one?! That’s ridiculous. I don’t want to drive out there.”

Me: “I don’t know. That would be up to someone much higher up. I suppose if we get enough business we might?”

Customer: “Well, can I order prescription food to this location?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “Well. I will just double-check. I’m sure you guys have it.” *walks towards the dog food aisle*

Me: *sighs*

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