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Like A Complete Nap In The Face

, , , | Working | September 15, 2015

(I’m a single mother of two young children. I’m also a full-time student with a full-time job, studying at night after my kids have gone to sleep. As a result, I get about an hour of sleep per night, often passed out over a book. My coworker, who is male, works part time and takes a half-load of courses at the same university. While I have worked at this shop for several years, my coworker has worked with us for just a few months. The shop owner is a woman in her 50s.)

Coworker: “I am so, so tired. I stayed up until one o’clock writing a paper.”

Shop Owner: “You poor thing! Go in the backroom and take a nap on the clock. [My Name] will cover for you.”

([Coworker] goes into the backroom. He reappears after two hours, after his shift is over, clocks out and leaves.)

Shop Owner: *to me* “Can you believe how much schoolwork they expect [Coworker] to do? It’s ridiculous. I’m scheduling him a regular nap during his shifts or that boy’ll work himself to death.”

Me: “I’m sure he’ll make it. College isn’t forever!”

Shop Owner: “That reminds me. You took an extra five minutes for your lunch today. I’m docking your pay.”

Getting The Message Across

, , | Working | August 8, 2015

(My dad works at a company that designs and produces light fixtures. His division is him, two other people, and the boss, a loud Irish man well-known for his bad language.)

Boss: *storms in and shouts* “One of you, e-mail [Client] and tell him to F*** OFF FOR A BIT!”

Go Swim With The Fishes

, , , | Working | July 26, 2015

(I’m talking with my manager about some mysterious parts that showed up.)

Manager: “Well, it looks like they were part of a kit and just didn’t get installed or were leftovers.”

Me: “So can we sell them, or get rid of them?”

Manager: “Can’t sell them or keep them, so…” *he suddenly looks very serious* “You’ll have to get rid of them.”

Me: *trying to look serious* “Little-cement-booties get rid of them?”

Manager: *nods* “You know what you have to do…”

Not Thankful For The Early Notice

, , | Working | July 23, 2015

(I’m a waiter at a popular sports bar. I was hired on in August and was told that, due to Thanksgiving being a busy day for football games, I had to let them know if I needed that day off in advance. I know that my family is planning a trip to the beach so I go ahead and tell my boss during the initial training day.)

Me: “I’ve already made plans with my family that week so I won’t be able to work.”

Boss: “No problem; thanks for the early notice!”

(Fast-forward to the morning before Thanksgiving Day. I’m at the beach with my family when I get a call from my boss.)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name], I know you requested this week off to be with your family, but I could really use your help here at [Bar]. Is there any way you could come in for an evening shift after you’ve had dinner?”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Boss], but I’m not in town; we’re at the beach until Saturday.”

Boss: “Wait, what?! You didn’t tell me you were going to be out of town!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t think I needed to specify where I was going to be…”

Boss: “You should have told me you wouldn’t be able to get called in; I was counting on you being in town in case I needed coverage!”

Me: “Sir, I told you I wasn’t going to be available at all this week. Why would you count on me if I requested those days off?”

Boss: “Wait… which beach are you at?”

Me: “Virginia Beach… Why?”

Boss: “That’s, what, four hours away?”

Me: *knowing where he’s going with this* “Uh huh…”

Boss: “Well… if you left at three pm you could be here by seven. That way I can have someone to close.”

Me: “Let me get this straight… You want me to leave my family vacation the day of Thanksgiving, drive four hours to work one shift, and drive back after I’ve closed the bar at two am?”

Boss: *sigh* “…I’ll see if I can find someone else.”

Periodic Bathroom Breaks

, , , , , , | Working | July 21, 2015

(I am the only female shift lead in the art department of a coupon magazine. My supervisor comes to me with a request:)

Supervisor: “Can you go ask [Female Coworker] why she is making a lot of trips to the restroom?”

Me: “No.”

(I guessed at the reason why, but I wasn’t going to say it.)

Supervisor: “You have to; you are the lead. I need to make sure she’s not on drugs.”

(I just stare at him. Not wanting to get into an argument with him about the legality of the question and his reasons, I go find my coworker. I explained to her what he asked. Luckily she has a pretty good sense of humor.)

Me: “So, you want me to be obnoxious in my answer?”

Coworker: “Go for it.”

(At my desk, from across the room from my supervisor’s desk, I yell out:)

Me: “Hey, [Supervisor]! [Female Coworker] is on the rag, hence the numerous restroom trips!”

(He never asked me to do that again…)