Hats Off To His Persistence

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2018

(I work at a very popular convenience store in the northeast, and this has been a particularly odd Saturday. It’s been very busy, but also full of people acting strangely. I haven’t even been on the clock an hour yet, and I’m still getting into gear.)

Me: “Hello! How are you today, dear?”

Customer: “Well, I just wanted you to know you’re almost out of coffee over there, and the milk is all gone as well.”

(In order to speak to me, he edges over in front of my register, cutting in front of a lady who has been waiting for me to finish with the previous customer.)

Me: “I’m so sorry about that! I will get right over there as soon as I’ve taken care of this line. But, this lady was waiting first, so can I take her first, please? Then I’ll be right with you!”

(I’m always incredibly polite to our guests. Most of them are impatient and quick to jump over each other to check out, so I always try to prevent this when I can.)

Customer: “Well, I don’t know who was next in line! It doesn’t look like there’s an actual line.”

(He moves over, anyway, and I quickly take care of the woman, who has a quick and easy transaction. I thank her and ask the man to come back over.)

Me: “Come on over, sir! I’ll get you rung out, and then go take care of the coffee and milk.”

(I start to ring him up while I talk, in order to finish as quickly as I can.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you with your coffee and paper today?”

Customer: “Yeah. I really like your hat. Would you sell it to me?”

(I find myself taken aback at such an odd and sudden request, but I regain my composure before answering.)

Me: “Thank you! I’m unfortunately not able to sell you my hat. It’s a part of our uniform, and therefore company property, so I’m sure I would get into trouble. Not to mention, we absolutely have to wear our hats or else we will get sent home for not being in uniform. I can’t have that happen to my coworkers.”

Customer: “I don’t see why not! You’re just pushing me! Come on! You can sell it to me! I’ll give you $10, and you can buy another one.”

Me: “Sir, it’s nice of you to offer, but I really can’t. Here’s your change! Let me go check out the coffee situation.”

(I start running around brewing coffee and looking for milk. I establish we are truly out of it.)

Customer: “You guys really ran out of milk? How does that even happen?”

Me: “Well, sir, it does happen occasionally, despite our best efforts against it. Sometimes it’s an error from the warehouse, and other times we just get much busier than we anticipated. You were right, though; we were almost out of coffee.”

(I’m on hyperspeed at this point, trying very hard to concentrate on getting more coffee made, as well as ensuring we are well-stocked in the coffee area. The customer proceeds to follow me around as I do this, which has me feeling frazzled.)

Customer: “I am just crazy about [Store Brand] of coffee! I really need that hat! I know you can sell it to me. I told you I’d pay you, and you can just buy another one!”

Me: “Sir, I really cannot do that. Though I’m very glad to hear you enjoy [Store Brand] of coffee.”

Customer: “All right, let me be honest with you. I have the hots for someone who works at [Other Location of our store], and I really want to get her a hat for Christmas. But I can’t find them for sale anywhere! I want to do this for her pretty badly, so can’t you just help me out? It’ll be a nice thing to do during the holiday season!”

(At this point, I’m getting pretty creeped out, as well as thoroughly confused. Who on earth would want a uniform hat from their work for Christmas? I proceed to very quickly finish my work so that I can slip away into the back until he leaves. It’s not easy working around him.)

Me: “Sir, I am very sorry, but I just can’t help you out. I hope you can understand. I just cannot sell you company property that is a required part of my uniform in order for me to be on the clock and working. I apologize for the trouble, but it just isn’t something I can do.”

Customer: “There you go again! Pushing me to try harder! I just really want your hat!”

(I finally broke away and hid in the back for a few minutes until he left. When I brought this up to my coworkers, they were just as confused as I am. We get strange customers and requests fairly often, but that takes the cake!)

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Pokémon Go For It!

, , , , | Right | May 6, 2018

(A man in his early 20s has come into the shop shortly before closing. He is clearly drunk, but he avoids the alcohol aisle and grabs a frozen pizza, some crisps, and a few bottles of pop. I check him out.)

Me: “That’s [total], please.”

Man: “D***. I only have £10.”

Me: “Sorry, but you’ll need to put something back.”

Man: “Um… I’ve got a tiny Pikachu in my pocket. If I give it to you, can I get everything for £10, instead?”

(The owner, who has been behind me the entire time, speaks up.)

Owner: “How tiny?”

(The man dug around in his pocket and produced the tiniest Pikachu I had ever seen in my life. The owner agreed to the deal, and that Pikachu now sits on the top of our register.)

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There Is No Band-Aid For Lies

, , , , , | Working | May 4, 2018

(In this story, I am only thirteen years old. I have just fallen and scraped my arm a few minutes ago, and I am still bleeding quite a bit. After making an emergency bandage out of a napkin and a few rubber bands to catch the blood, my family and I go to a restaurant. It is worth noting that earlier that day, I got hit in the eye with a beach ball, dropped my tray at lunch, and had a panic attack in the middle of class. In other words, so far my day has sucked, and I’ve about reached my limit. I hate unsweetened tea with a passion, but love sweet tea, and I have a killer death glare, even without meaning it.)

Me: “I would like an iced tea, please!”

Waiter: “Okay!”

(The waiter brings out a tea, and I start to drink it, only for my face to crumple in disgust. I was unaware that they did not have sweet tea. I’m not usually one to tear up over a mistake in my order, but this is my last straw. I start crying. My mom immediately notices what’s wrong. As she fixes the mistake and gets me a diet soda, instead, I accidentally glare at the waiter. He is obviously quite scared by this point. We get our food, and I find mine disgusting.)

Me: “Uh, sir, my food doesn’t taste quite right. Is there lettuce or tomato on this?”

Waiter: “I-I think so, ma’am. I’m sorry.”

(He tries to resolve it, but it’s no use. After taking in all that’s happened that day, I start crying again and accidentally give the waiter one of my famously intimidating death glares. After resolving the issue as quickly as he can, he runs off to get his manager. I think nothing of it, until…)

Manager: “One of you apparently threatened to kill my employee over a mistaken order. Which one of you did it?”

Waiter: “It was the little one in the corner, one her phone! She threatened to kill me!”

(My family is extremely confused, because none of us are that kind of person, especially not me. I figure out what he is referring to after a few minutes.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, sir, but your employee must be mistaken. I did accidentally glare at him after my order was messed up a few times, but I never once threatened to kill or otherwise harm him. I’ve had a rough day, and my arm is still bleeding from an earlier incident. When I cry, which I did, I do tend to glare by total accident. Again, I am sorry for the misunderstanding. If you wish to file this under anything, my name is [My Name].”

Manager: “Ah, I see. No verbal threats, [Waiter]?”

(The waiter shakes his head, but then bursts out once more.)

Waiter: “She obviously wanted to kill me, [Manager]! Isn’t that the same as a death threat? Plus, she’s probably just exaggerating for attention.”

(Furious, I hold up my elbow with its makeshift bandage in its full glory, blood and all. It is almost soaked by now, but the bleeding has stopped.)

Me: “Pal, I don’t think that I was exaggerating. This is just a little of what I’ve gone through today. I’m sorry for scaring you, but there is no need to overreact. Personally, I think that even when scared, your service was quite good, and I was planning on asking for the manager to compliment your wonderful service in the face of a girl who was crying her eyes out over a simple mistake. I’m sorry for the trouble, [Manager], was it?”

Manager: “It’s fine. This is the third time this week that he’s done this. Thank you for remaining calm. Also, would you like a real bandage?”

(After I confirmed that it was probably a good idea, he went to get one, telling the waiter to meet him in his office. It turns out that the manager’s daughter went to my school, and was one of my good friends. His daughter had told him about what had all happened that day, and he was extremely sympathetic towards me for it. His daughter and I are still good friends to this day, and he and I joke about this incident quite a lot now. He also asked me how I remained so calm, to which I replied, “I’d already dealt with enough crap that day, and that was nothing to me.”)

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Caffeine And Easter And Lent, Oh My

, , , , | Right | May 3, 2018

(A very good regular but quirky customer calls in about her car. She’s been taking her vehicles to two of our locations for over 18 years. She’s always polite, funny, and pleasant, but kind of weird. We’ve always chalked it up to her not being from here.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Shop]. How can I help you?”

Regular: “Hi! Is [Assistant Manager] or [Supervisor] available?”

(I recognize her unique voice.)

Me: “Sorry, neither are here today; they’ll be back Monday and Tuesday.”

Regular: “D***!”

Me: “You could always let me help you.”

Regular: “Okay, I guess so. A week ago I was scheduled to come in for a transmission flush and oil change, but I rear-ended a car and just got it back from the shop. It sounds loud and different, but also windy. I was hoping someone could double-check it for me when I come in tomorrow.”

Me: “We can definitely check it, but we are closed tomorrow.”

Regular: “No, you’re not. You’re always open on Sundays.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we are closed for the holiday.”

Regular: “Oh, okay, I guess. So, you guys won’t be open until Tuesday?”

Me: “Sorry, no, we are only closed Sunday. We have our normal schedule again starting Monday, after Easter.”

Regular: “F***, wait, what?!”

Me: “We are closed tomorrow for Easter and will be open again on Monday.”

Regular: “No, wait. Easter is tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes, tomorrow.”

Regular: “S***! Are you f****** sure? POSITIVE?!”

Me: *trying not to laugh and upset her* “Yes, I am positive, ma’am.”

Regular: “Aw, crap! What the f***?!”

Me: *really trying to keep it together* “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Regular: “S***, I didn’t f****** realize Easter was coming. I’m a f****** parent. I’m screwed! What the hell am I going to do?!”

Me: “I think [Big Retailer] is still usually open for a while.”

Regular: “You can go ahead and laugh. I know this is ridiculous. It’s just rude to not laugh.”

Me: *still trying to keep it together* “It’s okay; we all forget sometimes.”

Regular: “Can you please leave a message for [Assistant Manager] or [Supervisor] that I want to bring my car in to have it checked after a collision?”

Me: “It’s okay. You can bring it in.”

Regular: “No, please let them know; you need to let them know first.”

Me: “No, it’s okay; you don’t need an appointment.”

Regular: “Please just let them know. I always let them know first and they always tell me when to bring it.”

Me: “No, any day is okay as long as we are open.”

Regular: “Please tell them.”

Me: “Okay, sure. I’ll leave them a note.”

Regular: “Okay, thank you.” *hangs up*

(I think it’s a waste of time, but while I am talking with her, I send a message to them via group text telling them I booked her for Monday. I get a text back.)

Supervisor: “No, no, no! Not Monday!”

Assistant Manager: “Not Monday!”

Me: “I already hung up.”

Supervisor: “It’s going to be horrible!”

Me: “What’s going on?”

Manager: “She quit caffeine and sugar for Lent! Glad I’m not back until Tuesday!”

Me: “Lent is already over.”

Supervisor: “You positive?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manager: “Are you sure?”

Me: “POSITIVE.”

Supervisor: “SWEET! Looks like we get Starbucks!”

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There Isn’t A Support Script For Those Questions

, , | Right | May 3, 2018

(I’m doing the night shift for an online trading site. The shift is always full of oddballs. One chat is perfectly normal, right until the end.)

Customer: “Do you offer a demo account?”

Me: “Yes, we do. You will need to speak to an account manager about it once you have created a live account.”

Customer: “I see. Do you ever sometimes wonder what water thinks about?”

Me: “No, I don’t. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to have a baby put a baby in me.”

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