Certainly Has Some Issues

, , , | Right | April 16, 2018

(I work in a used bookstore that sells books and media. We often have large coffee table books for a dollar or two. A lady comes up to my register with an armload of large books and I ring her out.)

Me: “Would you like a bag or two for these?”

Customer: “IT’S YOUR ISSUE!”

Me: “Y…yes? Would a box be better? I can make a box!”

Customer: “IT’S YOUR ISSUE! IT’S YOUR ISSUE!”

(She waves off a box and quickly becomes exasperated, as if we are forcing her to buy this giant pile of giant books. I put them in a couple of bags. She’s still not happy.)

Customer: “HOW DO I CARRY?! IT’S YOUR ISSUE!”

Me: “I can help you to your car. Where are you going?”

Customer: “HOW FAR?!”

(I then realized that she was walking, and imagined carrying her books around town. I repeatedly asked where she lived but only got, “IT’S YOUR ISSUE,” in return. She came back a few more times and yelled, “IT’S YOUR ISSUE,” at different booksellers, to the point it became a catchphrase at the store. Was she on a personal crusade against bags? Or books? We still see her occasionally, but she has stopped buying large amounts of large books.)

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Context Is Thicker Than Blood

, , , | Healthy | April 13, 2018

(I’m standing at the reception desk of my doctor’s office when suddenly I hear a woman yell:)

Woman: “I don’t have blood anymore!”

(I do a mental double-take since the receptionist seems completely unfazed.)

Woman: “Mrs. [Receptionist]! I don’t have blood anymore!”

(The receptionist looks up, smiling benevolently. Just as I start to wonder what the heck is going on, a female doctor’s assistant walks up to the reception desk, trailed by a courier carrying a sealed box.)

Doctor’s Assistant: “Mrs. [Receptionist], the courier is here; all the blood samples will be sent out now.”

(Finally, it clicked. So, there wasn’t a vampire phlebotomist on the loose!)

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Your Tolerance Is Intolerable

, , , , | Learning | April 13, 2018

(It’s the first week of college and the class takes turns to introduce themselves, using a presentation containing photos of important events and people in our lives, as per assignment. A classmate is presenting and shows a picture of herself and another girl.)

Classmate: “This is my girlfriend and me.” *pauses and gives the class a provocative glance before continuing as normal*

(At the end of the day I find her crying in the hallway.)

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Classmate: “Didn’t you see how they all looked when I mentioned I had a girlfriend? Yes, I’m gay; so what? Why does everyone has to be so judgemental?! I hate this class!”

Me: “I don’t know; I haven’t heard or seen any negative reactions. Personally, I don’t care if someone’s straight or gay. I don’t think anyone in this class cares, to be honest.”

Classmate: “No, they all judged me; I saw it in their eyes. Why can’t I just be accepted for once?” *runs away crying*

(She disappeared from class a few weeks after, claiming she couldn’t take the bullying. No one ever bullied her, ever, for being gay or otherwise.)

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Jehovah’s Witless, Part 13

, , , , , | Friendly | April 12, 2018

(I’m a woman, and I’ve stopped to fill up my tank. I’m the only one at the station. A red sports car comes up and parks on the opposite side of mine. A woman gets out and walks over to the trash can between the stations. She is rather oddly dressed: knee-high boots, leggings, tunic, jacket, and a scarf, so only her face and hands show.)

Woman: *throwing away a very tiny item* “Hi, how are you?”

Me: “Hello.”

Woman: “Do you know any deaf people who need help interpreting the Bible?”

Me: *confused look*

(I’m a bit surprised at the abrupt questioning, as we’ve only traded the barest of greetings. She apparently thinks my hesitation is over not knowing what deaf means, as she begins using hand gestures.)

Woman: “Do you know anyone who is deaf and needs help interpreting the Bible because they can’t hear? A deaf person who is unable to hear sounds, and needs help with the Bible?”

Me: *now really flummoxed* “Ah, no. I don’t.”

Woman: “Okay. The reason I ask is because we’re Jehovah’s Witnesses, and we’re looking for deaf people to help interpret the Bible so they understand the Word of God. We’re looking for people so we can go to their homes and help with reading the Bible.”

(She then stares at me for a few moments, as if waiting for me to comment on this. As I’m still trying to process that a complete stranger asked me for a deaf person’s address, I say nothing. She blinks, and then gets back in the car and zooms off, without getting any gas. It is only later that a thought occurs to me.)

Me: “Why would a deaf person need interpreters for the Bible? They can read!”

Related:
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 12
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 11
Jehovah’s Witless, Part 10

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So, You Want One That GIVES You Cancer?

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I started my shift a few hours ago but I have just started my shift on till cover this afternoon. It has been a long day, but I am still quite upbeat. I have a customer come to the till and do a normal transaction. We have an offer on tote bags, so I have to offer to every customer.)

Me: “That’s going to be [total].”

(I give our usual spiel, something along the lines of, “Can I offer you one of our tote bags today? Great prices.”)

Customer: “Oh, do your tote bags give you cancer?”

Me: “Uh… No.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No, thank you.”

(I lost faith in humanity.)

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