Working For A Schmuck

, , , , , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(I’ve just started a new job and have had a several-hour-long meeting with my new coworkers. The coffee is percolating through me so I head straight for the bathroom. The CEO, who has a reputation for being eccentric, looks across to my urinal.)

Boss: “Ah… Are you Jewish, or did you go to public school?”

Me: *turning red* “Um… er… Just ‘done’ is all.”

Boss: “Well, at least you know you’ll never be a banker. They’re all complete pricks.”

(I wish I could say this was the limit of his behaviour, but it wasn’t.)

Not Phoning In That Joy

, , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(I’m working a reception desk when a coworker hands me an iPhone 7, soaking wet, and informs me he found it by the front door. I quickly dry it off and begin trying to work out who it may belong to whilst another colleague wanders the five floors of our building to see if anyone’s lost a phone. After an hour, I’m starting to worry the owner may have travelled to a different site, when I hear a commotion on the stairs.)

Colleague: “…it was outside, [My Name]’s looking after it.”

Woman: “Oh, God.”

(Suddenly, a woman I don’t know comes charging through the doors to my reception, looking ready to cry.)

Woman: “You have my phone?”

Me: *holding up the phone* “Yep, all dried off and ready to go home.”

Woman: “Oh, my God! Thank you so much!”

(I point out a few scratches to the protective screen, but she’s obviously just relieved to have her “baby” back.)

Me: “I’ve been there. At least you’ve got it back, now.”

Woman: “I love you!”

Me: *unsure how to react to strangers declaring their love, and mouth going into autopilot* “Love you, too?”

(The woman left with a huge smile on her face, practically hugging her phone. I was having a bad morning, but her random declaration and joy certainly cheered me up!)

Not So Handy In This Situation

, , , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(In an effort to make people consider reusing bags, the United Kingdom requires all retailers, by law, to charge customers at least five pence per plastic bag used to carry home one’s shopping. Two customers approach my coworker at the cash register.)

Customer #1: “Just this, please.” *drops very large, very heavy book on counter*

Coworker: “All right, your total today is [price]. Would you like a large plastic carrier bag for five pence?”

Customer #1: “Yes, of course—”

Customer #2: *interrupting* “No, you will not! You shouldn’t stand for this! You are a paying customer, and being charged for a bag is ridiculous!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but, as you may know, the charge is mandated by the government. Giving away free bags is not just against store policy; it is illegal.”

Customer #2: “The law is stupid! There is no reason to pay for a bag!” *turns to friend* “Don’t buy one! That’s what they want.”

Customer #1: “Yes, you’re right.” *to coworker* “I don’t want one. I won’t pay for it.”

Coworker: “That’s fine. Without a bag, your total for the book is still [price].”

Customer #1: *suddenly hostile* “And how am I supposed to carry it?! With my hands?!”

Coworker: *dumbfounded* “Well, you said you didn’t want a bag…”

Customer #1: “Now I don’t want this, either! How dare you, making me hold it?! I won’t carry it!” *grabs smug-looking friend and storms away, leaving book on counter*

Coworker: *speechless*

Me: “I want to know where she intended to put the bag if she wasn’t going to use her hands.”

The Glasses Are Clean But Their Questions Are Not

, , , , , , | Working | February 7, 2018

(I’m looking for a new job and have an interview with a recruiting company. Please note I’m a trained secretary and know what I’m doing in an office setting. The current job situation in my city means I can pretty much choose from several job offers. This company has good reviews, but when I come in:)

Receptionist: *bored and barely looking at me* “All right, you must be [My First Name]. Please follow me.”

(I’m a bit taken aback, as it’s very uncommon here to call people by their first name without being invited to, but I hold my tongue and follow her to the interview room. It’s all right, if a bit minimalistic with the only “refreshments” being a bottle of water.)

Receptionist: “Take a seat where you like. Well, preferably that one. Help yourself to water if you want; the bottle is not even open yet. Oh, and the glasses are clean.”

(She left without a further word. I was completely taken aback because… why would you even mention that the glasses in your meeting room are clean? I really hoped they always were! To top it off, the “personal information questionnaire” I was asked to fill out included questions such as, “Are you in any debt?”, “Do you smoke?”, and “Are you planning on having children?” These are things no potential employer is allowed to ask. Needless to say, I didn’t stay very long.)

Rugged Behavior

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

Customer: “Where do you keep your rugs?”

Me: “I can show you; follow me.”

(I walk her over to our rugs. She picks up one rug and stares at it top to bottom, but looks slightly confused.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: *stares at rug more*

Me: “Ma’am, is there anything else I can help you find today?”

Customer: *stares at rug a bit more* “Are these the kind that you lay on the ground?”

Me: “Um…”

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