(We are in the middle of a snow and ice storm that has shut down the city.)

Customer: “I cannot believe you guys are still open. The roads are really bad out there.”

Me: “Yes, I know. The roads are dangerous, but people must really enjoy shopping to take the time to visit the mall today.”

Customer: “I cannot believe that people are risking their lives to come out to the mall. You guys must be losing money staying open when no one is here.”

Me: “True, but as long as they keep coming we will stay open. What is it that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, I just need to do a return.”

(I am making my rounds in the Africa area. An American couple is standing in front of the lion compound. There is a clear sign stating it is an African lion.)

Tourist #1: “Excuse me, what animal is this?”

Me: “That would be a lion, ma’am.”

Tourist #2: “Oh, yes. We have them in Utah!”

Me: “Actually, sir, you have mountain lions in Utah. Not African lions.”

Tourist #1: “Then you should tell someone that mountain lions shouldn’t be in the Africa section!”

This story is part of the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup!

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Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to change my desktop background. Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Are you on your desktop?”

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Okay, I would like you to right-click on the desktop.”

Customer: “You want me to right-click?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Nothing is happening.”

Me: “That’s odd. Well, right-click again. Let’s see if anything happens.”

Customer: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, let me come over to your desk. I will try to see what’s going on.”

(I walk over to the user’s desk. As I approach, I notice the user wrote the word ‘click’ twice on the monitor with a sharpie.)

(I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can I get you?”

Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

(This continues for quite a while.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

(The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

Me: “Hello, [Computer Company] support. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My son just bought me a computer today. He showed me how to use things like the Internet. But now I can’t close the window. When I click the close button, it directs me to a search page.”

Me: “Are you sure you’re clicking the close button?”

Customer: “Yes, I am. I’m putting the mouse on the top left corner of the mouse pad, in the same place where the close button on the window is. I’m clicking the mouse, and the search page pops up.”

Me: “Ma’am, you actually need to drag the mouse on the mouse pad until it’s over the close button. Then you click the mouse.”

(There are five seconds of extremely loud clicking, followed by a frustrated grunt.)

Customer: “It still isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay. There are other ways to close the window. Try pressing alt and F4.”

Customer: “Oh, that sounds far too complicated. I’ll just get my son on the next flight from Arizona to come to fix it.”