Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to change my desktop background. Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Are you on your desktop?”

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Okay, I would like you to right-click on the desktop.”

Customer: “You want me to right-click?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Nothing is happening.”

Me: “That’s odd. Well, right-click again. Let’s see if anything happens.”

Customer: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, let me come over to your desk. I will try to see what’s going on.”

(I walk over to the user’s desk. As I approach, I notice the user wrote the word ‘click’ twice on the monitor with a sharpie.)

(I work on the pizza counter at a large supermarket chain. We make individual pizzas for the customer.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “Sorry, we don’t put jelly babies on pizzas. What else can I get you?”

Customer: *pause* “Jelly babies, please.”

Me: “Sir, we do not serve jelly babies here.”

(This continues for quite a while.)

Customer: “I’d like some jelly babies.”

Me: “We do not sell jelly babies!”

(The customer then angrily points to an ingredient on the counter.)

Me: “Sir, those are jalapeños.”

Me: “Hello, [Computer Company] support. How may I help you?”

Customer: “My son just bought me a computer today. He showed me how to use things like the Internet. But now I can’t close the window. When I click the close button, it directs me to a search page.”

Me: “Are you sure you’re clicking the close button?”

Customer: “Yes, I am. I’m putting the mouse on the top left corner of the mouse pad, in the same place where the close button on the window is. I’m clicking the mouse, and the search page pops up.”

Me: “Ma’am, you actually need to drag the mouse on the mouse pad until it’s over the close button. Then you click the mouse.”

(There are five seconds of extremely loud clicking, followed by a frustrated grunt.)

Customer: “It still isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay. There are other ways to close the window. Try pressing alt and F4.”

Customer: “Oh, that sounds far too complicated. I’ll just get my son on the next flight from Arizona to come to fix it.”

(We have free demo discs on the counter. We’re trying to get rid of them.)

Customer: “Are these to buy?”

Me: “No, they’re totally free. Take as many as you like!”

Customer: “I don’t think I’d like to take as many as I’d like. I’ll have two.”

This story is part of the Customers-Who-Can’t-Hear-Themselves roundup!

Read the next Customers-Who-Can’t-Hear-Themselves story!

Read the Customers-Who-Can’t-Hear-Themselves roundup!

(It’s a very cold, snowy night. The store isn’t very busy, as most customers are tucked away safe for the night. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, do you guys deliver?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

Caller: “But it’s really snowy outside. I shouldn’t have to drive in this weather.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Caller: “I’ll send my wife then. What time do you close?”

Me: “9 pm, sir.”

Caller: “One more thing: can you carry the bag to the car for her?”

Me: “Of course I can.”

Caller: “Great. She’s pregnant, and the doctor said she shouldn’t be lifting anything too heavy.”