(I’m stocking the front-of-store. A couple asks me for help.)

Wife: “Hi, we’re looking for a gift for a really weird friend of ours. He’s really hard to shop for.”

Me: “Sure, what sort of thing are you looking for?”

Husband: “No, he’s really weird. He actually likes to read books.”

Wife: “Hush, honey. He works in a bookstore. He’s probably weird, too.”

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Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Customer: “I’m fine, and you?”

Me: “Also fine; thanks for asking! Just to let you know everything in the store today is 40% off.”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “I… I don’t know how else to explain that to you.”

Me: “Your table is not quite ready yet. Let me give you this pager. It will go off as soon as the table is set.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. What’s the range on this pager?”

Me: “Just on this side of the courtyard.”

Customer: “All right, and if I lick it, will it electrocute me?”

Me: *pause* “Please… just… don’t.”

(A little old lady approaches the counter.)

Little Old Lady: “Do you carry flamethrowers?

This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

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(During the Christmas rush, a customer comes into my line talking on her cell phone.)

Me: “Hello. Would you like a protection plan with this?”

(Customer ignores me.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, ma’am?”

(Customer continues to ignore me.)

Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt. Have a nice day!”

(Customer stops talking on her phone and looks at me.)

Customer: “What about my rewards card?”

Me: “Well, I asked you if you had one, but you were too busy talking.”

Customer: “So you’re saying it’s my fault?”

Me: “Yes.”

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