About ten years ago, I worked as a merchandiser for a national soda company. One of the biggest problems we had would occur every holiday when stores had serious sales on soda, like getting four twelve-packs for ten bucks.

The problem is that there simply wasn’t enough room in the backroom to store enough product on a really busy holiday like the Fourth of July. Our sales representatives would order way more stuff than we ever had room for, and then it was up to me to Tetris it all into the space for us in the back.

The way it SHOULD have been done would be sending multiple orders on days like that as space became available, but of course, that would mean sending drivers to stores multiple times, which costs time and gas.

I had one store that had a really strict backroom manager with a no-exceptions policy of pallets never being stacked more than three high.

On this particular Fourth of July, we literally had twice as much product as what would fit. I called my boss.

Me: “You need to send a driver to buy back some of the excess load.”

Boss: “Stack the pallets as high as the forklift will allow you to.”

Me: “I just want to remind you that, at this location, I’m only allowed to stack pallets three high.”

Boss: “Figure it out.”

Cue malicious compliance.

I KNOW that the backroom manager will get lava-level mad when he sees this, but it’s the boss’s orders, so I am up to four high when the manager sees it and goes banshee apes*** on me.

Me: *Shrugging* “It’s my boss’s orders.”

I finish stacking — leaving one tower at FIVE pallets high — and then start walking out as my shift is now done.

Backroom Manager: “If you leave it like that, you can kiss your account with our store goodbye!”

I shrug again and leave.

I get a call from my boss thirty minutes later, around 8:00 pm.

Boss: “There’s a driver on the way to do buy-back. You need to go back to [Store] ASAP.”

Me: “My shift is done for the day. I have already returned the company truck and am on my way home to see some fireworks.”

Boss: “Turn around and go get it sorted!”

Me: “The only way I am going back is if I get double time for the entire day, plus a 10% raise.”

My entire day is about fourteen hours at this point.

Boss: *Yelling* “That’s never going to happen!”

Me: “Then me returning to [Store] is never going to happen. If you change your mind, you can send me an email, agreeing to my terms in writing.”

I had other side gigs at the time and wasn’t concerned at all about this job.

I got an email thirty minutes later from my boss’s boss agreeing to those terms. It was immediately followed by a phone call from him apologizing, telling me that I was needed, and saying that I needed to go back to the store ASAP.

My boss’s boss ALSO sent my boss, who was already at home, to help sort the mess out. Hearing him apologize to the backroom manager was gold.

A lady is using the self-checkout, and after she has bagged everything and paid, she makes sure to tell the self-checkout employee, the service desk employees, and some cashiers:

Customer: *Nice and loud* “Look how I did your jobs for you!”

The employees just ignore this; they have plenty to keep them occupied. For some reason, this makes the customer mad.

Customer: *Even louder* “I did your jobs for you! Just letting you know!”

We just look at her and then continue doing our jobs. After not getting a reaction from the employees, she stands near the exit and starts shouting as loud as she can while pointing at her cart:

Customer: “I did your jobs for you!”

She is now loud enough to bother other customers, so my manager gets involved.

Manager: “Excuse me, ma’am. Are you all right?”

Customer: “Why isn’t it bothering you that you’re making your customers do your jobs for you?”

Manager: “Because you’re not, ma’am. We all have lots to do, even with the assistance of self-checkout.”

Customer: “I want you to acknowledge that I effectively did work for you for free! It’s shameful!”

Manager: “Okay, well, by my estimation, based on the time stamp on your receipt, you were at the self-checkout for eight minutes.”

My manager gets a calculator out on his phone.

Manager: “So… eight minutes at minimum wage comes to a total of… 98 cents. Here, I’m giving you a raise; take a dollar.”

He takes a dollar from his wallet and hands it out to her.

Manager: “A dollar for your hard work. That’s what other cashier operators are getting without kicking up a fuss.”

She just stared at my manager before gasping in annoyance and storming out.

A passenger is boarding. I scan his boarding pass, and it shows that he has a baby associated with his booking.

Me: “Sir, where’s the baby?”

Passenger: “He ain’t coming.”

Me: “Sir, you have to inform us of that before boarding begins.”

Passenger: “Like you informed me, for my flight a year ago, that my plane was delayed due to a storm? I only found out when I arrived at the airport. So, for that disrespect, I will always add a baby to my reservation, because I know that gives you extra work.”

Me: “Please board, sir.”

Colleague: *As soon as the boarding has ended* “I know you’re new, but I wouldn’t have let that slide. I would’ve made him board last.”

Me: “I did call center work before coming here, so I know that adding a baby costs €25 per flight segment, so let him think he’s getting back at us.”

We left laughing.

I was the manager of a large computer manufacturer’s tech support center. One of the brands was sold through third parties, and one of the partners we had made a deal with was one of the most popular Shopping Channels. Usually about a week after they had a run with our product, we would get a large influx of calls from people needing some help with something.

One of the newer techs got my attention and asked me to help with a customer they were having a problem diagnosing with a computer that wouldn’t display anything.

Me: “Thank you for holding, sir. My name is [My Name]. I’m one of the Senior Technicians here, and I’ll be helping you resolve your issue tonight.”

Customer: “Okay. I was getting a little frustrated that the other person wasn’t figuring out the problem.”

Me: “No problem at all, sir. That’s why they escalated to me. We’ll get this straightened out for you as soon as possible. I haven’t been involved with your troubleshooting, so I’m just going to start off with some basic questions to get them out of the way.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I just want to get this working.”

Me: “First, I want to make sure that the power cord for the tower is seated properly seated. Would you please pull it—”

Customer: “THIS THING TAKES POWER? THEY NEVER SAID THAT! THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING!”

Me: *Confused* “I just want to make sure I understood you correctly. You don’t have the power cord connected to a power outlet?”

Customer: “No! [TV Shopping Company] never said this thing took electricity when they were selling it.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t understand. Is power an issue?”

Customer: “Yes. I only turn my generator on during the weekend for a few hours, and I watch [TV Shopping Company] to order things I’d have to go into town to get.”

Me: “Okay, well, you’re going to need to call [TV Shopping Company] and return this computer as it absolutely will not work without power. Also, a good rule of thumb, for the future, all electronic devices will require a power source to work, so if they don’t specifically state that they’re battery-powered, you should probably just assume they require power to work.”

From that point forward, I discovered how this ended up happening. He lived in the Alaskan wilderness, and every few weeks, he would go to the trading post where he had his stuff delivered.

I still remember “This thing takes power?” as the most unexpected response I’ve ever heard. So, try to remember this when a tech support person asks you a basic question you think is silly. There are very good reasons to start at the very beginning, and almost anyone who’s done any sort of troubleshooting can tell you that some of their most frustrating experiences turned out to be something simple that they just took for granted at the beginning.

I was grabbing lunch at a local diner near my work. As I went to pay, a man wearing a [Fast Food Chain] uniform arrived with a piece of paper in his hand.

Fast Food Worker: “Hi, I’m looking for [Person].”

Diner Worker: “Oh, he was fired yesterday.”

The [Fast Food Chain] worker looked surprised but tried to contain it.

Fast Food Worker: “Oh, really? What happened?”

Diner Worker: “He was caught misappropriating ingredients and drinks from [Diner], so he was laid off. Why are you looking for him?”

Fast Food Worker: *Looking embarrassed* “I was going to get some things… from him…”

The diner worker thought for a moment.

Diner Worker: “Wait… Was he misappropriating stuff… to you?”

Fast Food Worker: “Haha… Yeah…?”

The worker left in a hurry, and I’m still in shock they didn’t call the police then and there.