Last year, when my auto policy renewed, the overall number looked the same, but for some reason, the monthly payments were doubled. I thought that was weird and looked at the details of the policy, and I realized that the overall number was only for six months, not a year. I looked into my online account and found that they had added my older daughter, who lives several states away.

I couldn’t change anything online without proof that she didn’t live with me, so I called customer service and finally got an agent.

I explained that my daughter was an adult child living in a completely different area, and I didn’t ask for her to be added to the account. The guy was able to pull her off easily enough. When I pushed about how she got added in the first place, he muttered an explanation of how the underwriters could add on anyone they thought was in the house and a driver of the cars without authorization needed.

They didn’t try it again at the next renewal, but the fact that they tried to hide it by doing a six-month policy instead of one year so the numbers evened out made me think they knew darn well it wasn’t on the up and up. I stayed with them since the cost for auto and house is still much lower than everywhere else quoted, but I make sure to review all the papers.

My childhood cat was very food-motivated and very vocal about wanting her next meal.

At one point, my mom told me to be prepared to come down for the cat’s final days because she’d stopped demanding food. We both figured that once she lost interest in eating, it was probably the beginning of the end for her. Mom continued to keep a close eye on her, and though her health did not seem to be declining, she still did not have her usual enthusiasm for being fed.

Eventually, my mom called me and told me to disregard her previous portents of doom. Between laughs, she told me how they’d emptied the bag of food they had upstairs, gone down to the basement to get the next bag, and discovered the hole she’d gnawed in the side of it. And once her secret stash of food disappeared, she immediately returned to loudly begging.

That cat went on to live until the ripe old age of eighteen. And she remained vocal about her desire for food until the very end.

[Coworker #1] has the ability to just suddenly focus on a task with the level of intensity usually reserved for the special interest of someone with ADHD. The rest of us don’t know how she does it, but she can take the driest, most boring piece of work — which even she agrees is boring — and then just pore through it at a micro-level without any pause or distraction. Rumour has it the fire alarm once went off and she didn’t notice.

Meanwhile, [Coworker #2] is a typical Entitled Jerk.

Coworker #2: “I can’t believe the [Sandwich Shop] staff across the road. Did you know they tried to refuse to let me have [fancy cheese] in their ham special? The counter girl tried to tell me some nonsense about it no longer being part of the special. I order that sandwich every day! I know it’s allowed! I bet she was hoping to just pocket the extra, too—”

Me: “But, the sandwich specials only allow for the normal cheeses. The [fancy cheese] has always been extra; it says so right on the billboard.”

Coworker #2: “No, it does not! Anyway, I didn’t let her get away with it. I told the manager about her. I marched right up to him and told him what she was doing, and I told him, ‘The customer is always right,’ and then he—”

Coworker #1: “…about what they wish to purchase.”

Coworker #2: “What?”

[Coworker #1] does not look up from the document she is reading at any point.

Coworker #1: “The customer is never wrong about what they wish to purchase. Jeff Toister was referring to supply and demand and ensuring that businesses were supplying products that were in demand, not salesperson behaviour. The cheese was available, so the social obligation was met. Price is not applicable.”

Coworker #2: “Well, I—”

Coworker #1: “Please shut up now. You’re wrong, you’re a b****, and no one cares.”

Coworker #2: “You can’t speak to me like that! That’s a hostile work environment, and—”

Coworker #1: *Turning a page* “No one will ever believe you.”

At this, [Coworker #2] explodes. People in other offices poke their heads in to see who is yelling and see [Coworker #2] red-faced and raving while I watch with bug eyes and [Coworker #1] ignores [Coworker #2] entirely.

Our manager comes in.

Manager: “All right, all right, stop this right now. What’s going on here? [Coworker #1]?”

Coworker #1: *Still reading* “Mmm?”

Manager: “[Coworker #1]! What’s going on?”

Coworker #1: *Looking up* “Oh, sorry, what? I don’t think I was paying attention. [My Name], you and [Coworker #2] were talking about something?”

Me: “…I have no idea. [Coworker #2] asked [Coworker #1] something, and I got distracted for a second, and then she was yelling.”

Coworker #1: “Oh. Sorry, [Coworker #2], I wasn’t listening. What did you say?”

[Coworker #2] got reprimanded. [Coworker #1] got thanked for finishing a critical legal review early. And I am now very afraid of her.

I have just started working for a small company that promotes an extremely fit, healthy, and ethically-minded lifestyle. As a result, a lot of my new coworkers are these beautiful and toned Greek gods and goddesses. While I do exercise twice a week, I am the definition of “average build” compared to these people, but since I have been hired for my IT skills, no one is expecting me to have a six-pack.

During my first few days, I am told that sometimes Human Resources brings in cupcakes from a local bakery. That same day, after finishing a long work task, I see a box of cupcakes on the kitchen table from the local bakery, as described.

I help myself to one, and it’s very good! It’s a little dry, but the flavor is perfect. As I am chewing on a cupcake, one of the goddesses walks in.

Coworker: “Oh, finally! Someone is eating the cupcakes!”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘finally’?”

Coworker: “No one here really eats those. They’ve just been left out.”

Me: “Uh… for how long?”

Coworker: “I think they got them last week sometime?”

Me: “And you just left them here for people to just… eat?!”

Coworker: “Well… we all just kinda ignore them.”

Me: “Obviously!”

I was known as “Cupcake Guy” for the next five years that I worked there. Thankfully, I did not get sick from the one-week-old cupcake, but I threw away the rest. After that, every time HR came in with a free box of cupcakes, they just gave them to me directly!

CONTENT WARNING: Death, Cancer

I’m serving an older woman at my table. 

Customer: “Hmph! What does your mother think about your tattoos?”

Me: “Well, my father doesn’t mind.” 

Customer: *Not taking the hint* “Well, what about your mother?”

Me: “She’s dead. She doesn’t do a lot of thinking.” 

Does she stop there? No… of course not.

Customer: “Did she die of shame?“ 

Me: “No, breast cancer.”

And with that, I dropped the check. She wasn’t done eating, but her table companions looked like they wanted to leave.