Back in the late 1990s, a brand new multiplex opened in a major city near me. At the time, this was quite exciting since we had few of these around, and it was apparently looking to be some kind of local hotspot with different bars, restaurants, and nightclubs all under one roof.

By chance, I won some free tickets to the first-ever screening at the theatre, which was for one of the “Free Willy” movies. My dad, my sister, and my friend were all able to go as we had four free tickets. I wasn’t massively excited about the film, but it was still pretty cool.

When we arrived, the place certainly looked new and impressive, and we got some free popcorn to boot. There were a number of families in attendance, and everyone looked happy.

Then, the strangest thing happened when the movie started. Literally five seconds into the movie, the curtain suddenly went down and the house lights came up! Everyone in the cinema sat there perplexed at what was happening.

A woman in a business suit suddenly appeared and made an announcement. 

Woman: “Ladies and gentlemen, that is probably the shortest movie we will ever show here at [Cinema], but unfortunately, due to problems with our license, we are unable to show this movie this afternoon.”

There was very confused silence from all in attendance! 

Woman: “We have some free tickets for everyone for a future screening, and we do apologize!”

Everyone filed out and got their tickets, looking bemused and baffled by this whole ordeal. In the end, it worked out okay because I wasn’t bothered about not seeing the movie, and we got to use the tickets for a better film later on. Afterward, my dad took us to see “Men In Black”, which we were more excited to see! 

It was an opening I won’t forget because it still confuses me. What the h*** were they doing? Why did they wait until the opening credits just to stop the movie if they could’ve just cancelled or rescheduled beforehand? The cinema is still going and is very popular, but that botched opening left them with egg on their face!

I look after IT for a company that manages bars and restaurants. I am at a site, and I make a suggestion to one of the chefs.

Me: “You should clean the docket printer as the grease can build up. They just need a wipe with a damp cloth now and then so they’re not all sticky and the paper won’t jam.”

I leave the site and get an angry call the next day.

Chef: “The printer broke again!”

Me: “Oh, no! What happened?”

Chef: “I’m very busy, so I told my kitchen hand to clean the printer as you suggested, but he’s busy, too, so he put it in the dishwasher to really make sure there was no grease.”

Me: “You put a printer in the dishwasher?”

Chef: “Yeah, and now it’s not working!”

I had to explain why.

My boyfriend and his younger sister are Japanese. [Sister] tells me that Japan has “a very toxic level of respect-your-elders ingrained into its culture”. Whether that’s actually a regional thing or just the environment they grew up in, I can’t verify, but [Boyfriend] definitely shows the effects.

The example that [Sister] gave me was: she’s bisexual, her mother thinks there’s a problem with that, and [Sister] was expected to just sit there and take it. If she spoke out against her mother, [Boyfriend] was expected to take their mother’s side or otherwise not get involved. (Said mother is still in Japan as of this writing, and has no interest in what her children are doing in Canada.) I was not surprised that [Sister] was much more eager to embrace the Western “speak your mind in response to bulls***” culture.

[Boyfriend] and I have reached the meet-the-parents stage of our relationship, and my dad and I go to their place for dinner. The topic soon turns to their upbringing, and [Sister] tells [Dad] what she told me about their culture.

Dad: “That’s not right. If someone is mistreating you, you should stand up for yourself.”

Sister: “Yeah, you get that, and I get that, but [Boyfriend] still has trouble with it.”

Dad: “No, come on.” *To [Boyfriend]* I’m your elder, right? If I just start taking your food, are you gonna sit there and let it happen, or are you gonna kick me out of the house for being an a**hole?”

Boyfriend: “I mean…”

When he keeps hesitating, [Dad] reaches forward and grabs his plate.

Dad: “Here. I’m going to eat this. I’ve decided you don’t get any.”

Me: “Dad, what the h*** are you—”

Boyfriend: “Sir…”

Dad: “Come on. Call me an a**hole.”

He goes to take a bite.

Me: “Dad!”

Boyfriend: “Sir, please!”

Sister: *Suddenly intervening* “[Dad], don’t!”

[Dad] takes a massive mouthful of food… and his eyes start watering. It’s at this point that I remember that [Boyfriend] likes his food VERY spicy. To my amazement, [Dad] forces himself to swallow and sets the food down.

Dad: *Sounding pained* “Are you gonna sit there and let me keep eating your food, or are you gonna call me an a**hole?”

Sister: “[Dad], your a**hole is going to be calling you an a**hole when that gets through your system.”

Dad: *Coughing a bit* “…That’s a problem for later.”

[Boyfriend] was able to take his plate back without any further altercations. I gave [Dad] h*** for the way he was acting… AFTER he’d gotten the spice out of his system.

I work for an Apple reseller in the distant past. A woman buys an iMac from me. She is brand new to Apple products, so I spend some time showing her how everything works and explaining that the iMac is great for space saving as it doesn’t have a big box you have to find a place for.

She buys it and then returns with it a few hours later.

Customer: *Pretty irate* “You forgot to give me the rest of the computer. You only gave me the screen!”

Whenever I sold an iMac from then on, I repeated the fact that there was no box many, many times.

Related:
All-In-Wonder

Printing out pictures for people is a common enough reference question at the library, but this was a new one.

Customer: “I need a picture of Khan.”

Me: “Khan… Genghis? Noonien Singh? Shah Rukh?”

Customer: “Genghis, obviously!”

Me: “There are some reference paintings in—”

Customer: “No, I need a photograph.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can print you an artist’s interpretation of what Genghis Khan looked like, but a photograph is just not available.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because he lived and died before the camera was ever invented.”

Customer: *Tuts* “That is very inconvenient!“

Me: “…sorry?”