While working as support for a phone company in Sweden, I had a customer who could not use the Internet. They had bought a package with unlimited data. I checked their connection, plan, and service, and I found out they were in the Netherlands.
Me: “I’m sorry, but the ‘Unlimited Sweden’ package only works in Sweden.”
Customer: “Well, that’s quite upsetting. We thought we could connect to Swedish transmitters because we’re both in the EU!”
I’m at the garden center registers, and so far, it’s been a good day. Naturally, we are low on stock of our most popular small flowers — just under $2 each. A woman grabs a cart and proceeds to put SIX TWELVE-PACKS on it, and then she meanders over to me.
Customer: *Quite serious* “Where have all your flowers gone?! Have people been taking them?!”
Me: *Resisting the urge to point out her complicity* “They’re very popular, so people do buy them up quickly, yeah.”
She seemed a little miffed at that but thankfully didn’t take it out on me. When she came back to actually cash out, she had a second cart with three more twelve-packs.
Client: “Why would anyone have a hard time using a website? It’s all about clicking buttons. Make buttons big red squares, and maybe add some sound to each one, so when a user points to a button with the mouse, he’ll hear a ‘button voice’ yelling, ‘Click me! Click me!’ Now, this is what I call a user experience!”
Me: “…”
Client: “Listen, boy, I am not supposed to provide these kinds of solutions. I am paying you to do that! Listen… are you r*****ed or something?”
The college history professor is starting up his first lecture of the year.
Professor: “First, I just want to make one thing clear. When you hand in your texts this semester, I will make little comments in the margins, either telling you that you’ve done something wrong and need to correct it, or complimenting you on having made your point. Now, if you write something like, say… ‘The National Socialist movement outlawed Jewish business ownership and started a systematic purging of Jews from German economic and social life,’ and the comment in the margin says, ‘Excellent,’ that means I think you have done well, not that what the Nazis did was a good thing. Okay? Now, this year, we will be…”
The whole class snickered.
I work at a super fancy and expensive steak restaurant.
Customer: “I want my steak medium-rare and butterflied.”
This means that it’ll take a shorter time to cook on the grill and get to your table. I take his steak out.
Customer: *Looking confused.* “No, no… this isn’t what I ordered.”
Me: “This is a medium-rare butterflied steak, sir.”
Customer: “But it doesn’t look anything like an actual butterfly!”
