So, You Want One That GIVES You Cancer?

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I started my shift a few hours ago but I have just started my shift on till cover this afternoon. It has been a long day, but I am still quite upbeat. I have a customer come to the till and do a normal transaction. We have an offer on tote bags, so I have to offer to every customer.)

Me: “That’s going to be [total].”

(I give our usual spiel, something along the lines of, “Can I offer you one of our tote bags today? Great prices.”)

Customer: “Oh, do your tote bags give you cancer?”

Me: “Uh… No.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No, thank you.”

(I lost faith in humanity.)

Job Hunters Know Good And Bad Prey

, , , , , | Working | February 1, 2018

(I’m living at home for a summer before I head to university, in need of summer employment. I apply for a job in a kitchen and manage to score an interview. Over the phone, they tell me they are impressed with my qualifications and are looking to fill the position straight away. The job is for a pretty basic canteen inside an office building. The manager who shows me around seems friendly enough but has a big air of self-importance to her. At the end of the interview, comprised mainly of her talking with few questions, the manager turns to me with a serious look.)

Manager: “Now, I have a big question to ask you.”

Me: “Okay.”

Manager: “Would you be willing to wait one month for us to make a decision?”

Me: “Err… I’m sorry. Over the phone you said you wanted this position filled immediately.”

Manager: “Well, this is a very important decision for our company; we need to make sure we have the right person for the job!”

(I hold back my laughter; this is a very small and not particularly impressive canteen. It’s hardly rocket science.)

Me: “Then, why say you were looking to fill it right away?”

(The manager then puts on what is clearly her most dashing smile.)

Manager: “So, are you prepared to wait? I think you have a lot to offer us, and I think you have the right attitude for this job.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no. I need a job to start saving for university, and I really cannot wait around for you guys to maybe hire me. During this time, I will be looking for work and if anything comes up then I’m going to take it. Sorry, but I need to get working.”

(Almost instantly her demeanour changes and she becomes icy and unfriendly.)

Manager: *abruptly* “Well, then, thanks for coming in. You know the way out, right?”

(Quickly she turned on her heel and walked away. Luckily I got a job a week or so later and promptly forgot all about them. Finally, TWO MONTHS LATER, I got a voicemail on my parents’ home number stating I hadn’t got the job due to my “lack of qualifications.” That made me giggle because I’m qualified to work in hospitality and this was the complete reverse of what they told me. It made me wonder how organised they actually were and who was desperate enough to wait around for them?)

Calling It Quits For This Millennium

, , , , , , , | Working | January 25, 2018

I work in IT, so I set up a lot of new starters and process people leaving the business. As with every call centre, we have a fairly high turnover of seasonal staff, but a core of long-termers who have been here for more than ten or even twenty years. The long-termers like to complain about the young new starters a lot, that they’re work-shy, not prepared to go over and above, don’t enunciate properly on the phone, things like that. I used to argue with them that the stereotype of the “entitled millennial” was totally false, until today.

I was asked to disable an account of a 20-year old man who had been here less than two weeks. In those two weeks, he had not once turned up on time, took 20 minute cigarette breaks three or four times a day without asking his team leader, frequently “forgot” to log himself back into his phone when returning to his desk, and had at least two complaints logged about his customer service already.

Apparently it was “too difficult” to get up early enough to get here on time, and he found the job “too hard.” It’s answering the phone to people with broken electrical products. He’s had an expert sitting with him to help every day, and a team leader to escalate to should he need to.

On his leaving form, he put his official reason for leaving as “parking too difficult.” Well, if he showed up on time, that wouldn’t have been an issue!

Of the five other newbies who started the same day he did, one left on the first day as he “doesn’t do call centres.” What did he think he was interviewing for? The other four seem very keen and are getting along well.

Oh, how I wish I could just quit a job because I didn’t like getting up in the morning!

Unfiltered Story #103650

, | Unfiltered | January 14, 2018

(A coworker and I are working consessions. I’m serving my customer on one till, and my coworker is standing at the till next to me, ready for the approaching customer, who walks very quickly towards the till, he is obviously in a hurry.)
Coworker: Hi, what can I do for you?
Customer: I want to collect my tickets.
(He has a membership card, which can be used to buy tickets online, which can then be picked up from the tills. We use the cards to search by name. Unfortunately, if you type in someone’s full name it often won’t find their booking, so we type in the surname and then look for their first name on the list of bookings. If someone has a common surname, this list can be very long, meaning you have to scroll down a lot, previous bookings are on the system as well. This process can sometimes take a few moments. My coworker takes the customer’s card and types in his surname. He begins to scroll down a lot, since the customer’s surname is common and his first name starts with an “R”, and is repeatedly tapping the down arrow.)
Customer: Are you taking the p***?
Coworker: I’m sorry? No?
Customer: You’re taking forever, you’re all f****** rubbish at your jobs, you’re taking the f****** p***!
(The customer is referring to the fact my coworker was tapping the screen repeatedly, which made the customer assume my coworker was taking longer on purpose, which he wasn’t. My coworker is not the kind of person to put on a fake smile and continue to be polite when someone shouts at him.)
Coworker: Okayyyy…
(My coworker prints the tickets and hands them to the customer.)
Customer: You’re all f****** rubbish at this place, and I know you were taking the p***!
Coworker: I wasn’t, but alright mate, thanks.
(The customer storms off, but rather than going towards the screens, he goes back out the front door and leaves, despite now having his tickets. On his way out he punches the wall, and then when he’s out of sight we hear him scream in frustration. My coworker and I are both a bit shocked, and my customer looks worried as well. I apologise to my customer, and he goes off to his movie. My coworker brings up the angry customers booking, since his name is not hard to remember, and we see he had missed the start of his film, hence why he was in a hurry and why he left even though he had his tickets. My coworker goes to check the wall for damage, and then radios the manager to inform them of the incident. A few moments later the angry customer came back in to watch his movie, although he is clearly embarrassed about his outburst and the fact he just left and then came back.)

Can’t Safely Pin That Job

, , , , , , , | Working | December 21, 2017

This happened back in the mid 90s. I had recently graduated, and was now applying everywhere I could to get a job with my engineering degree. One such place was a government research establishment, and I was delighted to be granted an interview. It was on the other side of the country, and I was reliant on public transport, as I didn’t have a car. Also, as I was a poor ex-student, I couldn’t afford a new wardrobe. However, the suit I wore for my university interviews was still in good enough condition, so I wore that.

I had researched my connections thoroughly, and arrived in the area in plenty of time. After a pleasant stroll nearby, I arrived at the reception and security block about 15 minutes early. I signed in, and was told to take a seat as someone would be with me shortly.

As I went to sit down, I felt something give. I reached behind me, and could feel a tear in my trousers. I shot off to the toilet to inspect the damage, and was horrified to see that the tear started between my legs and went about half way up my backside!

I decided I needed help. I explained the problem to the receptionist, and asked her if she had any safety pins. She didn’t, but she was able to offer me some paper clips. I retrospect I should have asked to borrow a stapler, but my brain was in full panic mode. I gratefully accepted the paper clips and headed back to the toilet.

Whilst I couldn’t just clip my trousers together, I found that by unwinding the clips I could use them to wire my trousers closed. This now presented me with another problem – sitting down. Fortunately, when I did come to sit down, I found that the metal ended up in my, um, natural crevasse. It wasn’t too uncomfortable, but I was very much aware that I was being jabbed, and as a result my mind wasn’t fully on the interview.

During the tour of the facility, I was glad that the place wasn’t teeming with people, as I wasn’t entirely confident that the back panel of my jacket was covering everything I needed it to. So, I made sure that I was always walking by the side of, or just behind my guide, and I certainly never went up the stairs in front!

After the interview, my ordeal was far from over. Being a poor graduate, I had spent most of my money on the travel costs, and I did not have anything to spare for buying new trousers. So, it was a walk to the bus stop, followed by a bumpy bus ride — not ideal when having metal pressed in places that could lead to a stainless steel enema if the potholes got any worse — and then a lengthy train journey. After that, it was a trip on a very crowded underground ride through London. It was rush hour, which meant that I was stood up for the duration, much to my backside’s relief, but it did mean that my rear was now potentially at the eye-line of the seated passengers. I hope they got therapy afterwards.

Then it was one more train journey back to my hometown, and then a half-mile walk home. There, I received the love and sympathy one would expect from my parents, once they had finally stopped laughing.

I never did hear back about the job. I expect that the interviewers were either puzzled by how someone with an upper second-class honours degree could appear to be so vacant, or they were too traumatised by the visions they received. Whilst I don’t think I did give anyone a full moon, as my boxer shorts did remain intact, I suspect that some people received a partial lunar eclipse.

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