(It’s 8 am on a Sunday morning, and only my second day working the register alone at a very large, well-known 24-hour store. Two customers come up to my register with four carts overflowing with food.)

Me: “Good morning, how are you today?” *starts scanning and bagging items*

Younger Customer: “Hello, these are separate orders.”

Me: “Oh, okay! Just let me know when to stop for the first order.”

Older Customer: “Who said to scan this stuff?! What’s wrong with you!? Did I say we were ready for you to start? Are you stupid?”

Me: “Oh! Um… I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

Older Customer: “You should!”

(At this point, the older customer begins to dig through the carts with the younger customer, separating things and barking at me to scan items here and there. After a bit, she asks me the price of a box of crackers.)

Me: *checks the price on the register* “They’re [price].”

Older Customer: “No! It said something else! It was a different price!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, I can have someone check—”

Older Customer: “You don’t know the price?”

Me: “Not off the top of my head, no. I just started—”

Older Customer: “Well, I DO know the prices of everything in the store because I shop here, and that is [price]! GOD, you’re stupid! And what are you doing?! Double bag everything! You’re being an idiot on purpose, aren’t you?!”

Younger Customer: “Come on, mom. She’s trying her best.”

Older Customer: “No, she’s too stupid to work here. She shouldn’t be dealing with people if she’s this stupid!”

(She ended up calling me stupid several more times before leaving. A few months later, she went through another cashier’s line; her profession? A pastor.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Tech Support. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

Caller: “It’s too bright!”

Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

Caller: “The light!”

Me: “What light are you talking about?”

Caller: “The light on the box!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

Caller: “Internet light!”

Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

Caller: “The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

Caller: “No, do you think that would work?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Caller: “Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

Me: “…”

(A little girl approaches me holding up a book with a unicorn on the cover.)

Little Girl: “I think unicorns are beautiful!”

Me: “They sure are! That looks like a great book for you!”

Little Girl: “I think you’re a unicorn!”

Me: “Aww! Does that mean you think I’m beautiful?”

Little Girl: “No! It means you’re a horse with a big horn on your head!”

Me: “Umm… thank you?”

This story is part of our Unicorn roundup!

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(I am shopping with my husband one day before class at my college’s bookstore, which also sells snacks and drinks. This exchange happens as we are checking out. Note: I have been recovering from an ulcer and have recently lost 20 pounds because of it.)

Me: “Sorry, nothing looks good.”

Husband: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I just don’t want to eat anything.”

Cashier: “Oh, don’t worry, ma’am. We get pregnant women in here all the time.”

Me: “I’m not pregnant.”

Cashier: “Most pregnant women prefer to just buy water if you would like. I am sure that you can handle that.”

Me: “I am not pregnant. I have an ulcer.”

Cashier: “Oh, my sister called hers the ‘parasite’ for the first few months!”

Me: “I am NOT pregnant. In fact, I have lost quite a bit of weight because of this.”

Cashier: *winks and looks knowingly at my stomach* “I am sure you have, ma’am. You three have a great day!”

(As my husband and I walk out, I overhear her talking to a coworker.)

Cashier: “I don’t understand why some women are so sensitive about their pregnancy!”

(I’m a volunteer at an animal shelter. People can pay a small donation to come and see our animals. One day I’m returning a dog to its kennel when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I want to see your manager!”

Me: “Um, I’m just a volunteer here, sir. If you speak to somebody in reception—”

Customer: “Rubbish! You’re just making excuses! I paid my donation to see your dogs and I can only get into one block. The other three are closed! I know you have more dogs!”

Me: “We close three blocks for the dogs’ welfare, sir. If you’re interested in—”

Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about the dogs’ welfare! I want to see more dogs! You have no customer service at all, do you?!”

(On hearing this, another customer approaches and gives the very rude customer a £5 note.)

Another Customer: “Here’s £5; consider it a refund. Because I can tell you, sir, they would absolutely NOT allow you anywhere near their animals with that attitude!”