Archive for 2012

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Psychoanalysis Can Leave You Lost At Sea

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Related | August 24, 2012

(I am a young child, and I see the occasional child psychologist due to a learning disability. She is trying to get me to reveal which parent is my favourite, without actually considering asking me which parent is my favorite.)

Child psychologist: “If you were stuck on a deserted island, and you could have only one parent with you, which one would it be?”

Me: “My dad.”

Child psychologist: “Why is that?”

Me: “Because he could build a boat and get us off the island.”

A Merry-No-Sound

| NH, USA | Related | August 24, 2012

(I’m about three and it’s my first time riding a horse. The only other types of horses I’ve ridden are the carousel horses at fairs.)

Mom: “How are you doing sweetie?”

Me: “Where’s the music?”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “The other horses at the fairs play music. Why won’t this one!?”

Who Dares Disturb My Slumber?

| Related | August 24, 2012

In Your Face, Shakespeare

| Chicago, IL, USA | Romantic | August 24, 2012

(I am fooling around on the computer, when my husband, in a suddenly very over dramatic Shakespearean tone, bursts into the room.)

Husband: “Oh fairest maiden, your countenance doth shine like the sun…”

(I look confused. He pauses, then speaks in a normal voice.)

Husband: “It means your face.”

Hairy Scary Artsy Fartsy

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Romantic | August 24, 2012

(My boyfriend and I are having a quiet night in. My boyfriend is very tired, slightly drunk, and incredibly loopy. He is holding my hair up to the light.)

Boyfriend: “Look at the light through your hair. It’s so pretty. It’s like a piece of modern art.”

Me: “Yes, dear.”

Boyfriend: “I should cut off your hair and put it in a museum.”

Me: “No, dear. You’re not allowed to cut off my hair.”

Boyfriend: “Not the whole thing! Just this part of it! I will call it ’Really Angry Squid in a Windstorm’.”

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