(I am working at an animal shelter and am watching an “adoption interview” where the dogs and possible new families get to meet and the shelter staff makes sure that the dog is a good fit for the family. In this case, a husband and wife have come in to adopt a dog.)

Wife: “We’re looking for a dog that is kid friendly.”

Staff: “Fair enough. How old are your children?”

Wife: “9 and 13”

Staff: “[My Name], go get Boss for me please.”

(I go get one of the shelter dogs named Boss.)

Staff: *when I come in with Boss* “This is Boss, he’s really sweet and he loves kids. Do you have any other dogs?”

Husband: “No, we have a cat though.”

Staff: “That’s fine, he’s friendly with other animals, he just doesn’t like dogs much.”

(The adopters and Boss get along well enough until I overhear the following:)

Wife: “Maybe going to the dog park will get the kids out of the house.”

Me: “Uh, excuse me, but did you just say you were planning on taking him to the dog park?”

Wife: “Yeah, dogs love dog parks.”

Me: “Not this one. He’ll be fine if you take him for a walk or let him run around your yard, but it’s not a good idea to let him run free near other dogs.”

Wife: “But dogs love dog parks.”

Staff: “Uh, maybe we should find you a different dog.”

(They ended up adopting a different dog who was higher energy than boss but did better around other dogs. Boss got adopted two weeks later by a man who had a 4 acre fenced property and no other dogs.)

(I’m working at an animal shelter in the dog area. A customer has just come out of our puppy area. The info sheets of all our animals list their age in years/months; the puppies in this area are generally two to three months old.)

Customer: “Do you have any smaller puppies?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t get small breed dogs that often.”

Customer: “I mean, do you have any younger puppies?”

Me: “No, two months is about as young as they’ll let them be adopted. They have to be spayed/neutered and vaccinated before they can go home.”

Customer: “Yeah, but a two-month-old puppy isn’t like a baby baby puppy, like a nine-week-old puppy.”

Me: “I, uh… Well, actually, a nine-week-old puppy is slightly older than a two-month-old puppy.”

(I am a volunteer at an animal shelter and one of my duties is showing animals to potential adopters. A couple with a young adult son comes in to pick a dog and they have several questions.)

Mother: “I have a question about the female dogs.”

Me: “Okay.”

Mother: “My son said that after they get spayed, they don’t… bleed anymore?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Mother: “So, they get their periods, but they don’t bleed during them?”

Me: *mentally facepalming that a woman knows so little about female anatomy* “No, it means the dog has no bleeding, no heat cycle, or period, if you will. Nothing.”

Mother: “Oh, okay!”

(The family chooses a dog and we take her outside so they can get to know her. As we are walking out…)

Father: “Is it true that the dogs don’t get periods after they are fixed?”

(I almost feel bad submitting this story because they seemed like very nice people and I hope they were able to adopt a dog from the shelter, but I am still confused that two adults needed their son to teach them that an animal with no reproductive organs also has no reproductive functions. And what is having a period without bleeding? That sounds like having a headache but with no pain.)

(Note: I am very new to this shelter so I don’t have anything to do with helping people actually adopt pets as I just take care of them and make sure they’re cages are clean. On this day I was in with the cats trying to get the more skittish ones used to people by handling them and petting them. So
I was in one of the enclosures when a women walked in looking for a specific cat and, while I can’t help her adopt it, I can help her find the one she is
looking for to see if she likes it.)

Me: Hell, ma’am.

Her: Yes, hello! I’m looking for a male cat I saw in the paper. He’s declawed.

Me: I think I can help with that! What does he look like? Do you know his name?

Her: I can’t remember. He was in the paper.

Me: We have many pets in the paper so it’s hard t0 know which one you’re looking for.Maybe if you look around you might see him.

Her: He’s a male and he’s declawed.

Me: I understand ma’am but we have many male cats that are declawed here. If we-

Her: Oh! That looks like him! That must be him! (She points to a cat in the enclosuer next to me. I look to see that it is a cat named woody who is  neither male, nor declawed. She has also not been in the paper recently as she is recovering from an eye injury.)

Me: Ma’am, I think you might be slightly mistaken. Woody is female and not declawed.

Her: Are you kidding me? You want these pets to be adopted and yet you’re lying to my face. That’s clearly the cat from the paper.

Me: I wouldn’t lie to you ma’am. If you look at the charts on front of the cage you’ll see her information backs what I’m saying. We have a few cats with similar markings to her. It’s easy to mistake one for the other.

Her: I can’t believe what I’m hearing! You’re calling me a liar!

Me: Not at all ma’am. I just-”

(She storms away before I can even finish.)

(I volunteer at an animal shelter. We have a man who has driven for an hour and a half to adopt a cat for his wife’s birthday as a surprise. He works in the mines 14 days on, 7 days off, so he usually does not go out on his days off, and apparently, his wife finds this suspicious. He receives a phone call just as he is finalising the paperwork. I cannot hear her end of the conversation.)

Man: *phone rings* “Oh, hello, honey. What’s up?” *wife speaks* “Oh, I am just out.” *wife speaks* “I just had some things to do.”

(His wife speaks a little louder.) 

Man: “Yeah, I know it’s my day off. I just had some things to get!”

(His wife speaks, if possible, louder.) 

Man: “All right, all right, all right! Woman, I’m getting you a birthday present!”

(There is silence for a moment before she speaks again.) 

Man: “No, I’m not going to tell you what it is!… No… No… NO!… If you keep guessing I am putting it back.”

(The kitten decides to meow at him at that moment. There is silence, and then an audible squeal comes out of the phone. He sighs.)

Man: “I will see you soon.” *hangs up* “So much for surprises.”