Your Math Is Week

, , , , | Right | November 7, 2019

(I’m working at an animal shelter in the dog area. A customer has just come out of our puppy area. The info sheets of all our animals list their age in years/months; the puppies in this area are generally two to three months old.)

Customer: “Do you have any smaller puppies?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t get small breed dogs that often.”

Customer: “I mean, do you have any younger puppies?”

Me: “No, two months is about as young as they’ll let them be adopted. They have to be spayed/neutered and vaccinated before they can go home.”

Customer: “Yeah, but a two-month-old puppy isn’t like a baby baby puppy, like a nine-week-old puppy.”

Me: “I, uh… Well, actually, a nine-week-old puppy is slightly older than a two-month-old puppy.”

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A Period Of Ignorance

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2019

(I am a volunteer at an animal shelter and one of my duties is showing animals to potential adopters. A couple with a young adult son comes in to pick a dog and they have several questions.)

Mother: “I have a question about the female dogs.”

Me: “Okay.”

Mother: “My son said that after they get spayed, they don’t… bleed anymore?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Mother: “So, they get their periods, but they don’t bleed during them?”

Me: *mentally facepalming that a woman knows so little about female anatomy* “No, it means the dog has no bleeding, no heat cycle, or period, if you will. Nothing.”

Mother: “Oh, okay!”

(The family chooses a dog and we take her outside so they can get to know her. As we are walking out…)

Father: “Is it true that the dogs don’t get periods after they are fixed?”

(I almost feel bad submitting this story because they seemed like very nice people and I hope they were able to adopt a dog from the shelter, but I am still confused that two adults needed their son to teach them that an animal with no reproductive organs also has no reproductive functions. And what is having a period without bleeding? That sounds like having a headache but with no pain.)

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Unfiltered Story #172229

, , | Unfiltered | September 30, 2019

(Note: I am very new to this shelter so I don’t have anything to do with helping people actually adopt pets as I just take care of them and make sure they’re cages are clean. On this day I was in with the cats trying to get the more skittish ones used to people by handling them and petting them. So
I was in one of the enclosures when a women walked in looking for a specific cat and, while I can’t help her adopt it, I can help her find the one she is
looking for to see if she likes it.)

Me: Hell, ma’am.

Her: Yes, hello! I’m looking for a male cat I saw in the paper. He’s declawed.

Me: I think I can help with that! What does he look like? Do you know his name?

Her: I can’t remember. He was in the paper.

Me: We have many pets in the paper so it’s hard t0 know which one you’re looking for.Maybe if you look around you might see him.

Her: He’s a male and he’s declawed.

Me: I understand ma’am but we have many male cats that are declawed here. If we-

Her: Oh! That looks like him! That must be him! (She points to a cat in the enclosuer next to me. I look to see that it is a cat named woody who is  neither male, nor declawed. She has also not been in the paper recently as she is recovering from an eye injury.)

Me: Ma’am, I think you might be slightly mistaken. Woody is female and not declawed.

Her: Are you kidding me? You want these pets to be adopted and yet you’re lying to my face. That’s clearly the cat from the paper.

Me: I wouldn’t lie to you ma’am. If you look at the charts on front of the cage you’ll see her information backs what I’m saying. We have a few cats with similar markings to her. It’s easy to mistake one for the other.

Her: I can’t believe what I’m hearing! You’re calling me a liar!

Me: Not at all ma’am. I just-”

(She storms away before I can even finish.)

She’s Going To Have Kittens If You Don’t Tell Her

, , , , | Romantic | August 7, 2019

(I volunteer at an animal shelter. We have a man who has driven for an hour and a half to adopt a cat for his wife’s birthday as a surprise. He works in the mines 14 days on, 7 days off, so he usually does not go out on his days off, and apparently, his wife finds this suspicious. He receives a phone call just as he is finalising the paperwork. I cannot hear her end of the conversation.)

Man: *phone rings* “Oh, hello, honey. What’s up?” *wife speaks* “Oh, I am just out.” *wife speaks* “I just had some things to do.”

(His wife speaks a little louder.) 

Man: “Yeah, I know it’s my day off. I just had some things to get!”

(His wife speaks, if possible, louder.) 

Man: “All right, all right, all right! Woman, I’m getting you a birthday present!”

(There is silence for a moment before she speaks again.) 

Man: “No, I’m not going to tell you what it is!… No… No… NO!… If you keep guessing I am putting it back.”

(The kitten decides to meow at him at that moment. There is silence, and then an audible squeal comes out of the phone. He sighs.)

Man: “I will see you soon.” *hangs up* “So much for surprises.”

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Even Some Dogs Wear Shoes…

, , , , | Right | July 24, 2019

(I work at an animal shelter. There’s a dad with several children visiting with a dog. The dad is holding a toddler, who isn’t wearing shoes. I’m not super concerned since the child is so young and may not be walking around, but one of the other children — six or seven — is running around the room also not wearing shoes. I poke my head in the room.)

Me: “Hi! Does he have shoes in the car that he can put on?”

Dad: *looks at me like I’m crazy and answers very rudely* “NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t have him walking around without shoes.”

Dad: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s unsanitary, both for you and the dogs.”

Dad: “Aren’t there bigger problems in American than a kid not wearing shoes?”

Me: “Not right here, right now.”

(I got a coworker in another department. She told me she spoke to him and eventually got them to leave, but he ended up ranting about the government for a while first.)

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