Breaking Bread Is Better Than Breaking Bonds

, , , , | Hopeless | July 20, 2017

In the late 90s, a couple from Iran moves in next door to my parents. They’re very friendly people, although a bit shy and the wife initially didn’t speak much English. While they both wear traditional Western clothes, they are practicing Muslims. Most of the neighborhood is white and at least nominally Christian, and none of the other neighbors are Middle Eastern or Muslim. But no one cares and the couple settles right in, and the other families in the neighborhood are happy to throw a baby shower for them when the wife is pregnant. She is so touched she cries happy tears, explaining that she felt so accepted and loved.

In the days following September 11, 2001, several of the neighbors were standing out on the sidewalk talking, trying to process the terror attacks. My dad notices that he hasn’t seen the next-door neighbors. He walks to their door and knocks. The husband answers. (The husband is about five-foot three and the wife even smaller. My dad is six-foot two; only one other man in the neighborhood is taller.) The neighbor looks a little nervous.

Dad greets the neighbor and explains that a bunch of people just felt like talking, and he and his wife were welcome to join if they want. The neighbor declines, and Dad reassures him that no one is mad at him or his wife or thought they are terrorist or sympathizers. He says, “If you don’t blame me for Timothy McVeigh, I won’t blame you for the terrorists.” The neighbor still stays home, but is relieved.

They’re still my parents’ next-door neighbors, and still very nice people. I have kids myself now, and the neighbors have given them carte blanche to pick any of the flowers in their front yard (and the flowers are incredible; the most gorgeous roses I’ve ever seen) and often give them Christmas presents. I’m going to visit my parents tomorrow, and since Ramadan is over, I have a loaf of (Halal-friendly) bread baking in the oven to bring the neighbors.

Hasn’t Got This Parenting Thing In The Bag

, , , , , , | Right | June 28, 2017

(I work at a candy store in a mall. We have a rule posted on numerous signs that if you bag the bulk candy, you must buy it, as it is a health hazard for anyone to go dumping it back after they’ve scooped it. A man comes in with his little girl of probably six and he’s busy talking on his phone.)

Girl: “Daddy, what can I get?”

(The father waves her off and continues his phone call. She walks over and grabs a plastic bag. Before the man notices, she has packed the bag full of probably two pounds of assorted gummy candy.)

Father: “Oh, no, honey, don’t get that much!”

(Naturally, the father takes the bag and goes to dump it back into one of the gummy containers. Not only is this a health hazard, but the girl had mixed multiple kinds of candy, so it would be mixing things up.)

Me: “Sir, you can’t put that back.”

Father: “What? Why not?”

Me: “Because it is against health code to bag the candy and then put it back. It is posted all on numerous signs around the store.”

Father: “I refuse to pay for this! It’s outrageously priced and I didn’t want it to begin with!”

Me: “Sir, you are responsible for what your daughter did, even if you were unaware while you were speaking on the phone.”

(The man brings it over, pays for it, and walks out the door. He is clearly pissed of and angry at me. I hear his daughter talking as they head for the exit.)

Daughter: “Can I have some, Daddy?”

Father: “No.”

(He proceeded to drop the bag in a trash can before continuing to leave. The girl was clearly distraught. Talk about Father of the Year.)

Unfiltered Story #90275

, , , | Unfiltered | June 24, 2017

(I recently had surgery. The surgeon found a growthwith black stuff on it. She got it all out, but I’m freaked out.)

Me: “Doctor, did the surgeon send you the pathology? It’s endometriosis. She said that as long as I stay on birth control it won’t be a problem. Is that really all I need to do?”

Doctor: “Well, it’s not like you want kids, right? So you can just stay on birth control and I agree that you don’t need to worry beyond that.”

(So if you’re a woman whose doctors don’t believe that you don’t want kids, apparently being diagnosed with endometriosis will help them respect that.)

Allergic To Metal And Bad Customers

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2017

(I work for a large retailer. I have a metal allergy, and a necklace I wore the day before has given me a small red mark on the side of my neck. I didn’t think to cover it with make-up because of it’s size. A middle-aged woman comes to pay just as my supervisor is bringing me the change I have ordered. He waves me to ring her up first.)

Me: “Your total will be 9.72.”

Customer: *rather loudly* “Oh, my God.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *to my supervisor, loudly enough for everyone in line to hear* “This GIRL has a hickey on her neck! How could you even let her ring me up?! She should be fired immediately!”

(She gives me a smug, snarky look before turning expectantly to my supervisor, who looks a little lost.)

Me: *finally realizing what she is talking about* “Actually, ma’am, what you are referring to is a reaction to my metal allergy. I wore a necklace yesterday made of nickel by mistake.”

(She stares at me for a good ten seconds, then huffs.)

Customer: “Well, you ought to cover it. It’s disgusting.”

(I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just finished her transaction as quickly as I could. After she left, my supervisor turned to me and smiled.)

Supervisor: “I’m glad you handled that. The things I would have said could have cost me my job!”

Cheating Can Be ‘Armful

, , , , , | Learning | June 23, 2017

(We are in a Spanish class.)

Teacher: *jokingly* “Anyone planning to cheat on the test today?”

(Several students raise their hands in response. Unfortunately for one student, this also causes his sleeve to fall down, revealing notes written on his arm.)

Teacher: *face palms*

(The teacher made the student go back twice to wash the ink off but let him take the exam after, since he was “honest” about it!)

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