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Desperate For Dessert

, , , | Right | May 29, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell pie here?”

Me: “Um, no this is [Department Store]. We sell clothes.”

Customer: “I don’t want clothes. I want pie.”

Me: “You can go across the street to the supermarket.”

Customer: “But I hear that your pie is the best in town.”

Me: “You’ve obviously heard wrong; we don’t sell pie here.”

Customer: “Don’t you lie to me! I know there’s pie! Where is it?!”

Me: “Sir, there is no pie…”

Customer: “F*** you, are you profiling me? Just because I’m African-American you won’t sell me pie? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!”

Me: *giving up* “Okay sir, fine; you’re right. Go downstairs, go out the door, and walk across the street. That’s where we sell the pie.”

Customer: “It’s about time…”

Love The Art, Hate His Parts

, , , | Right | May 29, 2009

(A young woman walks up to the registers with a book.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this notebook.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes, there’s a naked man on the front cover.”

Me: “Uh, that’s Leonardo Da Vinci’s, Vitruvian Man.”

Customer: “He’s naked.”

Me: “It’s a five-hundred-year-old drawing.”

Customer: *hissing* “HE’S NAKED.”

Me: “…would you like store credit?”

Being Fashionable Is Kids’ Play

, , | Right | May 28, 2009

Customer: “What kind of sunglasses are these?”

Me: “Those are Ray-Ban, but they’re children’s glasses.”

Customer: “I really like this one.”

Me: “Again, those are children’s glasses. I can help you find a similar style for adults.”

Customer: *pointing to the same pair of glasses* “Can I try these on?”

Me: “Well, they are children’s glasses, but you are more than welcome to try them on.”

Customer: *tries on the glasses* “These are really small!”

Script Stupidity

, , , | Right | May 28, 2009

Customer: *holds up two bottles* “What’s the difference between these two medicines?”

Me: “The one on the left is a capsule; the one on the right is a tablet.”

Customer: “I mean, which one would be better?”

Me: “They’re exactly the same medicine, just in different forms. Most people buy whichever one is easier for them to swallow.”

Customer: “That’s just stupid! How can you swallow a bottle?”

Snakes On A Plane…And In The Next Seat Over

, , | Right | May 28, 2009

(This man comes to the movie theater with a live snake wrapped around his neck. This is the exchange that takes place.)

Coworker: “Hello, sir, and welcome to [Movie Theater]– Is that a snake?!”

(Every customer in the lobby that can hear my coworker scampers away.)

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Coworker: *shrinking back in fear* “I’m sorry, sir, but company policy prohibits any animals other than seeing-eye animals.”

Customer: “The snake is a seeing-eye animal.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m going to have to ask you to come back without the snake. It’s upsetting the other guests.”

Customer: “FINE! I didn’t want to see the stupid movie anyway!” *stomps away*

This story is part of our Snakes roundup!

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