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Putting The Why In The Y-Chromosome

, , , , | Right | September 7, 2009

(A man calls about his phone line that’s not working. After some checks, it’s clear that the fault is somewhere in our network.)

Me: “All right, sir, I’ll open up a support ticket and put it through to our engineers. They’ll fix it for you.”

Male Caller: “They oughta fix it soon, because my mother is very ill and in the hospital. I want to be able to be called by the doctors.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. These problems are normally solved pretty quickly, but I’ll make a note of it so that our engineers will give it a higher priority.”

Male Caller: “You’d better do that!”

(We end the call and I put the request through. When I check the ticket a day later, I see it was solved about two hours after the initial call. As part of standard procedure, I call the man back. This time, a lady answers the phone.)

Me: “I’m calling you about the trouble you had regarding your phone line. Someone else called about this yesterday and I wanted to ask if everything was taken care of well.”

Female Caller: “Oh, it must have been my son who called about that. Well, everything was solved, and pretty quick, too.”

Me: “Your son? I’m glad to hear you’re out of the hospital already.”

Female Caller: “In the hospital? What are you talking about?”

Me: “Your son said you were very ill.”

Female Caller: “That liar! He told me he had a trick he uses to get problems like these solved. He does this all the time. I’ll make sure he won’t do this again!”

Me: “Okay. Well, have a nice day, then.”

Female Caller: “You, too, and I’m sorry about my son. He just looks like his father, that’s all!”


This story is part of our Customers Caught Lying roundup!

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Feeling Fuel-ish

, , , | Right | September 7, 2009

(At the gas station where I work, a customer comes barging into the store.)

Customer: “There’s $20 on my pump and I haven’t put any gas in!”

Me: “What’s the problem exactly?”

Customer: “I haven’t put any gas in but the pump says $20.”

Me: “Oh, that will be the sale from the last person who used the pump. It’s fine.”

Customer: “But there’s $20 on the pump, I’m not paying for their gas. Why’s it not on zero?”

Me: Don’t worry, it resets itself.”

Customer: “But it says $20, not zero. It hasn’t reset.”

Me: “Yes, it has. Look I’ll show you.”

(I walk out to her pump with the customer behind me. Picking up the pump, the counters reset themselves to zero.)

Customer: “Oh… I’m not usually that stupid.”

Best Customer (And Most Expensive Envelopes) Ever

, , , | Right | September 4, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Wireless Service Provider]’s Financial Services Department. May I have your mobile number, please?”

Caller: “I am calling to complain that I have not been receiving payment return envelopes with my statements each month.”

Me: “No problem, sir. Let me get your mobile number so I can pull up your account and see what’s going on.”

Caller: *gives account number*

Me: “Okay, just give me a minute to look through the account and see what’s going on.”

(Looking through his payment history, I notice he’s been paying $60 a month for a $20 a month plan for nearly two years. As a result, he has over $1,000 in credit on his account.)

Me: “Okay, sir, thanks for holding. It looks like the reason we haven’t been sending you envelopes is because you haven’t owed us any money for the past two years or so.”

Caller: “But I’ve been using the service! How do I not owe you any money?”

Me: “Well, your bill is only about 20 dollars a month and you’ve been consistently overpaying each month.”

Caller: “Yes, I know! I have money now and what if one day I don’t? I want to be able to have my cell phone! I NEED envelopes! Can you send me some right away?”

Me: “Sir, basically you could not pay your cell phone bill for about the next several years and not have to worry about it. Why not let some of that balance wear down? You’ve really been paying way too much!”

Caller: “But I need more envelopes! I don’t know why you can’t just send me some!”

Me: “Sir, it’s all done in a warehouse. We don’t actually have stacks of letters laying around our office. Since the company isn’t sending you envelopes, why not just go purchase some from a store?”

Caller: “No, I can’t do that!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll take care of this for you…”

(I end the call, hunt down a few generic non-labeled envelopes from the supply cabinet, and mail them to the customer. I check back on his account a few days later and he had called in to thank us for sending him the envelopes!)

Extramarital Appliances

, , , , | Right | September 4, 2009

Customer: “Could you show me how to use my phone?”

Me: “Um… sure. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve been told these new phones come with voice control features. Is that true?”

Me: “Yes, sir, just hold the home button to activate the voice control feature.”

Customer: “That’s it? That’s so easy!” *customer picks up the phone* “Call… my wife.”

(Nothing happens.)

Customer: “Why isn’t it calling my wife?”

Me: “Do you have her listed in your phone book as your wife?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Yeah. I’m pretty sure the phone isn’t going to know who you’re married to.”


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On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2

, , , | Right | September 4, 2009

(A sixty-year-old customer with a hefty beer gut comes into our clothing store. Note that I am an eighteen-year-old female.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, I’m looking for Speedos?”

Me: “Oh, right. Well, if you go to the front of the store and turn to your left, there are a few of them on a stand there.”

(The customer continues to stand there staring at me.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Would you like to see me try the Speedos on?”

Me: *horrified look*

Customer: “Just checking.”


This story is part of our Need For Hazard Pay roundup!

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