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Retail Defender, AntiCheapskate Edition

, , , , | Right | July 5, 2008

(I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)

Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”

Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”

Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”

Me: “Sir I–”

Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”

Me: “Sir, I think that–”

Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”

(A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)

Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”

Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”

Woman: “[A disturbing p*rn site that I would not recommend viewing].”

Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”

Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”

Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”

(The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)

Aaaa-men, Brotha

, , , | Right | July 5, 2008

(When I was a teenager I worked in a skateboard shop in the mall. I was working with my buddy and we see a loud, filthy group of guys coming down the hall towards our store.)

Loud Customer #1: “You guys sell hackie sacks, the kind with sand in ’em?”

Me: “Yup, right there.” *pointing*

Loud Customer #2: “What’s the return policy?”

Me: “Thirty days with a receipt.”

Loud Customer #2: “So, if I shoot this hackie sack with mah sawed-off 12-gauge and run it over in mah truck, you’ll still take it back? HAW HAW!”

Me:  “Heh, no. Thanks, guys.”

(They leave. All the while, my coworker has been there, arms crossed, not moving an inch, with a cold, dead, angry stare.)

Coworker:  “Cousins need to STOP f***ing.”

(I’d never laughed so hard in my life.)

Troubleshooting Tip #56: No Cramming Cold Cuts

, , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Xbox customer service. How may I help you?”

Client: “Yes, my Xbox isn’t working, but it doesn’t have that red light thingy in the front. I DEMAND to know what is wrong with it!”

Me: “Sir, you’re going to have to be a little more specific. Is your power supply functioning properly?”

Client: “Of course it is. Do I sound stupid to you?”

Me: “No, sir… Can I get your console number?”

Client: “On the bottom of the disk drive?”

Me: “No, it’s not–”

Client: “OHHH, I found the problem. There was some baloney in the disk drive…” *click*

Goodwill Running Out About… Now

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Hotels] Inns and Suites. How may I help you tonight?”

Customer: “Yes, my plane was delayed, so I need to cancel my reservation in Vegas and get a room here.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Let me look that up for you.”

(I take his information, call the hotel, and talk them into canceling the reservation even though their policy said he should have had to pay for it because of the short notice. I put in the extra effort because I felt bad for the guy.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve taken care of that and made you a new reservation at a hotel there. Your total for the room is going to be $89.”

Customer: “But my flight was delayed and I had to cancel my other reservation. My stay should be free!”

Me: “Well, you’ll have to check with the airline. They should pay for all or part of your hotel stay.”

Customer: “They told me you’d pay for it.”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I’m not sure why they would have told you that. The airline is responsible for the delay. We are not and we can’t give you a free stay. You’re going to have to talk to them.”

Customer: “Look, you’re going to give me a f****** free night in the f****** hotel here. You have to. My flight was canceled.”

Me: “Sir, I have to ask you not to curse at me. I will terminate the call.”

Customer: “Look, b****–” *click*

(I received five or six hang-up calls in the next 30 minutes, which I assume were his attempts to get another agent. Unfortunately for him, I was the only person working after midnight. I no longer felt bad for him.)


This story is part of our Swearing Customers roundup!

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Read the Swearing Customers roundup!

Maine, Mars, Same Difference

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] customer service. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Where y’all at? India?!”

Me: “No, sir, I’m in Maine.”

Customer: “Maine? Where the h***’s that?”

Me: “Northern New England, sir.”

Customer: “England? I thought you sounded funny.”

(I have a VERY slight New England accent and this guy sounds like a Southern good ol’ boy).

Me: “No, NEW England, sir, northeastern United States.”

Customer: “Oh, up in Canada, then! Well, you done learned English pretty good I guess!”

Me: “…”


This story is part of our 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

13 Funny True Stories About Tourists Who Have Absolutely No Clue

 

Read the next Terrible At Geography roundup story!

Read the 2nd Terrible At Geography roundup!