(I work in a popular toy store. We are having a rather busy evening, and I am walking back to my section after assisting someone. I see a customer looking around as though trying to find something, so I offer to help. I’m a male.)

Me: “Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “Yes, I need to find a baseball glove for my son.”

Me: “Oh, it’s right this way.”

(I begin to usher the customer to the sporting section, and I see my female coworker walking towards us with a baseball glove.)

Coworker: “Here you are, ma’am. We only carry this type of baseball glove.”

Me: *to the customer* “Oh, you already had someone assisting you? Why didn’t you say so?”

Coworker: “Well, you’re a guy. I figured you would know where they are.”

Me: “I assure you that all of the workers here are capable enough to find a simple baseball glove.”

(I’m applying for a job at a temp agency, and I overhear this conversation between the clerk and one of their employees. The employee just finished a temp job and is looking for more work.)

Clerk: “We just need you to take a drug test before we can send you on another job.”

Employee: “I’m not taking a drug test.”

Clerk: “Refusal to take a test qualifies as a failed test.”

Employee: “Okay, so, when am I going on my next job?”

Clerk: “You’re not. You failed a drug test. You can come in in 30 days to take another one.”

Employee: “I didn’t fail a drug test!”

Clerk: “You refused the test.”

Employee: “So?! I didn’t fail.”

Clerk: “So you think that people can just refuse a test, and that’s the same as passing it?”

Employee: “Yes! I didn’t fail any test.”

Clerk: “It doesn’t work that way. You will not be sent out for any more work until you pass a drug test.”

Employee: “Okay, fine! I’ll take the test.”

Clerk: “Okay, but have you taken any drugs?”

Employee: “I smoke marijuana, but if you’re going to say that I failed, I might as well take the test!”

(He goes to the back to take his test. I walk up to the counter a few minutes later with my application, still laughing a little bit about what I just witnessed.)

Clerk: “Okay, now we just need you to take a drug test.”

Me: “I’m not taking a drug test! When do I start?”

(She gives me a death glare.)

Me: “I’m joking.”

(Just 30 minutes from closing time, a last customer comes into the store with a few items. They want to use a special store coupon that requires a person to spend a certain amount of money to earn the discount.)

Me: “Hello, sir, welcome to [Store]. Are you enrolled in our rewards program.”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “All right, then.”

(I then begin to scan the customer’s items, and turn the monitor toward him to see the prices as they ring up. He stops me as I hit a pair a glasses.)

Customer: “Uh, that’s not the right price; those glasses are supposed to be 30% off.”

Me: “Okay, just give me one second to check that.”

(I leave the register to where the glasses are located, and find out he is correct. I then head back to the register without a word and adjust the price.)

Customer: “Oh! I also have this $30-off coupon that I got, but I didn’t realise it expired on the third.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir.”

Customer: “Is their any way you can see if it will still accept it?”

(Scanning the coupon, I try to see if our system will still accept it, but it does not.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but the system won’t take it anymore.”

Customer: “All right, I want to speak to a manager, then.”

(Agitated, I grab a nearby radio, and call for a manager to my department. I discover my radio has died, so I leave to the nearby jewelry counter to ask an associate to call a manager for me and head back to wait for my manager.)

Manager: “What’s going on here?”

(The customer proceeds to explain the current situation to him.)

Manager: “All right, just take ten dollars off the three items, anyway.”

(Frustrated, I manually adjust the prices of the items and my manager leaves.)

Me: “Okay. Your new total is $43.75.”

Customer: “Hmm, that’s still not right.”

(Manually adjusting the price automatically removes any sales prices on them. So I tinker even further on the prices. By this point, the system is denying my price changes.)

Me: “Your new total is $35.25.”

Customer: “Still not the right price.”

(Frustrated, I throw in a manual twenty dollar discount.)

Me: “Total… is $15.25.”

Customer: “That’s better, thank you.”

(He swiped his card. I bagged his items and handed him his receipt.)

Related:
The Couponator 5: Online Decline
The Couponator 4: Deadly Discounts
The Couponator 3: Rise Of The Coupons

(I work at customer service for a gaming console, and we get a fairly large number of prank calls every day. This is how we respond:)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service; what can I help you with?”

Kid: “Hi, I got my penis stuck in the disk tray.”

(The kid sounds about 13. His friends are giggling in the background.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that; we definitely don’t recommend inserting small objects into the drive.”

(I can hear his friends cracking up.)

Kid: *dumbfounded* “It’s not small!” *click*

(I work for a store that has a very loud and quite spoiled manager who constantly yells and berates the people under him in front of customers. The owner has never done anything about it because he never gets the chance to see it firsthand. The owner is a major “Game of Thrones” fan and all-around geek.)

Manager: *yelling at a coworker in front of customers* “I AM THE MANAGER, AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO WHAT I TELL YOU TO DO BECAUSE I. AM. THE. MANAGER.”

Owner: “Any man who must say, “I am the manager,” is no true manager. Can I see you in my office for a second?”  

(After a few minutes in the office, the manager was fired and escorted out of the store, screaming like a child the entire way.)

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