The Couponator 4: Deadly Discounts
(I’ve worked part-time at this location of a nation-wide department store for several years, and by now I am the most senior employee in the women’s clothing department. I’m good at customer service, and a lot of our customers know and like me, which has its upsides and downsides. I am serving [Customer #1], a woman in her 60s who talks about all the trips she takes abroad, and the souvenirs she buys for hundreds to thousands of dollars, while she won’t buy anything from us that runs over $15. She is also incredibly picky about her purchases and the way they’re folded and bagged, and she refuses to ring up with anybody but me, since I’m the only one who “does it right.” Standing in line behind her is [Customer #2], a woman in her 40s for whom I once tracked down a $20-off coupon, who has also insisted I be the one to ring her up ever since. She has a habit of coming to me to check prices on everything she finds, walking right past the price scanner, and several times has asked me to wait in the middle of a transaction so she can grab more of a cheap item, even if the item is on the second floor and there are several people in line behind her. This is the first time I’ve had to deal with these two customers one after the other.)
Customer #1: “Hi, my dear. How are you?” *she sets six clearance shirts on the register* “These should all be $9.99.”
(I smile even while dreading this transaction, because that’s the classic line customers give when they KNOW that stuff isn’t the price they think it “should” be. This customer acts like a sweet grandmother when kept happy, but turns instantly mean when she doesn’t get what she wants.)
Me: “Let’s see… Oh, it looks like these two that say $9.99 on the tag are okay, but these four that say, ‘75% off,’ are from the clearance rack next to it.”
Customer #1: *suddenly scowls* “That’s it. Get me your manager. I’ve told them time and time again: I won’t put up with this here. This is ridiculous; nothing is ever in its proper place—”
Me: “I apologize for that; we just had our big sale yesterday, and unfortunately, we haven’t been able to finish putting back everything that was misplaced. Let me go ahead and adjust those for you.”
Customer #1: *smiling again* “Oh, thank you, my dear. You’re always so kind.”
(She talks about her last expensive trip while I ring her up, changing all the clearance items that were already only $10 to $17 to $9.99.)
Me: “All right, ma’am, your total is $58. Do you have your coupons with you?”
Customer #1: “Can I use a $20-off coupon?”
Me: “Sure!”
(I wait for her to hand me the coupon.)
Customer #1: “Don’t you have one with you?”
(We usually don’t, as those are mailed directly to the customer, but I check around the register, anyway.)
Me: “I’m afraid not. I have an extra 20%-off I can use, though.”
Customer #1: *gesturing to the customer being rung up at the register behind me* “Well, does she have one?”
(I pause for a moment, but manage to keep my smile up as I politely ask two other customers waiting in line if they have a coupon I can scan. No one does, and [Customer 1#] decides to put her things on hold until she can get a $20-off coupon. [Customer #2] comes up to the register, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.)
Customer #2: “I’ve done her nails before. She’s always like that. So, do you have a $20-off coupon?”
Me: “No, I’m sorry. I just looked for one a minute ago.”
(I start ringing up her items.)
Customer #2: “Wait. All these pants should be $4.99!”
Me: “…”
(I look down at her pants, one of which has a $4.99 tag, while all the rest have 75%-off tags.)
Me: “You know what? I’ll just adjust those for you.”
(I finish ringing her up, and after she leaves, I turn to one of my managers who came to stand by me a few minutes ago, still smiling brightly.)
Me: “Shoot me.”
Manager: “What? Why? They’re both really nice women…”
Me: “…”
Manager: “…most of the time.”
([Customer #1] comes running back to the register, waving a coupon above her head.)
Customer #1: “I got a $20-off one!”
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