Star Wars In The Aisles

, , , , , | Friendly | August 2, 2018

A few years ago, my brother went Christmas shopping with some high school classmates, buying toys for a charity organization. He picked up a Star Wars action figure from the shelf only to have an adult woman rip it out of his hands, screeching, “THAT’S THE ONE I NEED! IT’S MINE!” as she ran off.

My brother simply turned back to the shelf and picked up an identical action figure from the dozens still on the shelf. Why she couldn’t get one of those was beyond him.


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Sounds Like They REALLY Need That Book

, , , | Right | June 27, 2018

(The phone rings:)

Me: “Good morning; [Store].”

Customer: “Someone gave me a gift. It was bought in your store on March 2nd at 12:39. Who bought it for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Someone bought me something from your store on March 2nd at 12:39. I want to know who bought it for me.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can tell you that. Our system isn’t computerized.”

Customer: “One of my coworkers bought me a color-your-stress coloring book, and I want to know who bought it for me!”

(I finally convinced her that I had no way to give her that information, but she was still upset about getting a coloring book!)

Mom Is Just Toying With You

, , , , | Related | June 24, 2018

(A typical incident from my childhood. This is in the early 90s. I’m about nine or ten at most.)

Mom: “Okay, [My Name], if you behave yourself all this week, keep all your things neat, do your homework, don’t bring any complaints from school, and stay quiet at home and don’t bother us, I’ll buy you any toy you want from that toy store you’ve been asking to go to.”

Me: “Really? You’ll let me get any toy I want?”

Mom: “Yes, I promise you can pick any toy you want.”

Me: “Okay! I promise I’ll behave!”

(I behave myself, make extra effort to be neat, do my homework, and stay extra quiet at home, as well as at school, so as not to draw trouble from bullies that sometimes results in me being blamed by teachers. At the end of the week, Mom takes me to the toy store.)

Mom: “Okay, pick the toy you want.”

(I see a packaged set of three very cute doll toys, one of those where they’re the same appearance and everything, but graduated sizes; one is maybe twelve inches tall, the second nine inches, and the third, six.)

Me: “Oh, those look so awesome! I want that doll set, Mom!”

Mom: “Hmm, let’s see…” *checks the price* “Oh, you know, [My Name], I don’t think so; that’s a bit expensive…”

(It’s 20 shekels; about $5.50.)

Mom: “Oh, look here! Here’s another set of dolls! It’s almost exactly the same! And it’s only fifteen shekels! Let’s get you this, instead!”

(This other set has only two dolls in it, and what’s more, it’s quite obvious to me even at that age that these dolls are of significantly poorer quality; they’re uglier and much more rough-looking in shape, color, hair, clothes, joint articulation, etc.)

Me: “No! I want the three-doll set! This one is ugly and only has two dolls!”

Mom: “But [My Name], they’re nearly the same exact thing, really! And they’re so much cheaper! We’ll get these ones.”

Me: “No! I want the three-doll set that I picked! You promised that I could pick any toy I wanted!”

Mom: “Really, [My Name], calm down right now! Stop misbehaving! I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a troublesome child! You have to be sensible! I just don’t have the money to waste on useless nonsense like expensive toys for you!”

Me: “But I want that set! You promised I could get the toy I wanted! That’s the one I want! I don’t want that other ugly one!”

Mom: “I don’t care what you think I promised! Just shut the hell up already and stop embarrassing me! I’m buying this one and that’s final! You’re going to play with these dolls and like them!”

(She angrily grabbed the package off the shelf and went to pay, all while forcefully dragging me along by the hand. I was tearing up, on the verge of crying, but she glared at me threateningly, clearly promising that if I made any more of a scene there would be dire consequences. I was extremely upset and disappointed. The two-doll set turned out to be just as ugly and poorly made as it looked in the package. I listlessly “played around” with them once and then abandoned them. Then, in the future, this was used by my mom as further ammunition against me in arguments; she would bring up toys like that set to claim that ANY toy purchases for me were an empty waste of money, since I immediately abandoned them, and that I was clearly a poorly-behaved, tantrum-throwing child due to incidents like what happened in that toy store, so I didn’t deserve any new toys, anyway.)

Thinking Outside The Gender Toybox

, , , | Right | June 21, 2018

(A woman calls the store with a question about a return.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Woman: “Yes, I was just wondering if I could bring an item in for return without the receipt?”

Me: “We accept most things for return without a receipt for store credit, but what’s the item?”

Woman: “Well, my little boy came to the store the other day with his grandma and he picked out a girl’s toy. Despite my telling his grandmother not to let him buy things like that, she let him, anyway. And he ripped into the box before I could take it away from him, so it’s slightly ripped on the corner. I wasn’t sure if I could still return it, since the packaging is damaged and I don’t have the receipt. Really, I just want to exchange it for an appropriate toy for a boy. Can I do that? “

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Uh, yeah, that should be fine.”

Woman: “Great! I’ll be in soon!”

(I end the call, shake my head in wonder, and go on with my day. A few hours later, the woman comes in to return the item, which for the record IS a popular, girly, pink toy, but it’s one that I’ve seen both girls and boys buy.)

Woman: “Were you the lady I talked to on the phone earlier?”

Me: “I believe so. You wanted to return this for store credit, right?”

Woman: “Uh, no. I want cash back for it.”

Me: “Oh. Err, I might be able to look up the transaction. Did you pay with [various methods of payment]?”

Woman: “No, it wasn’t me that bought it, remember? It was his grandmother. Also, it was his birthday money, so it would have been cash. But I know what time and day they came here; is that enough to go by?”

(It is, though it takes a long time and I have other customers, so a coworker comes over to help. The entire time my coworker is looking for the transaction, the woman is talking.)

Woman: “It’s hilarious that he keeps getting this stuff. He’s only in second grade, but keeps choosing these pink and purple girl’s toys no matter what I do! His grandmother is no help; in fact, she encourages it! The only thing I can think of is that he’s trying to impress the girls at school, and we just can’t have that, now, can we?”

(My coworker eventually found the woman’s receipt and returned the item. When everything was finally done, she ended up buying a cheap black and blue toy monster truck, making sure to mention how much more he’d like that toy than the silly pink one. I feel sorry for the poor kid.)


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Breaking Bad Badly

, , , , , , | Legal | June 21, 2018

(I am talking to my boss when a woman says this to one of my coworkers:)

Women: “Hi, this might sound a bit crazy, but you may want to get an officer down here. There is a suspicious container on the street and I’m concerned it may be meth.”

(My coworker relays this to my boss — the owner — and me.)

Boss: “Yeah, we don’t deal with that. You–” *meaning me/senior staff* “–should call the police.”

(I call the dispatch.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] at [Store]. We had a woman report a suspicious container that she is concerned might be meth, so we thought we would call it in.”

Dispatcher: “Yes, I’ll send an officer right down. I need your full name for the report.”

(I begrudgingly give him my whole name, meaning that this whole thing is attached to my name in their system. An officer comes down a few minutes later and I meet him at the back by the container.)

Officer: “This it?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Officer: *picks it up* “If this is meth they suck at it…” *opens and sniffs it* “This is duck sauce; I’m going to throw it away.”

Me: “Okay… Sorry… Thanks…”

(There is a police report with my name that says I reported suspicious duck sauce. Thanks, random lady.)

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