I work in a furniture store, and I also take customer calls.

Caller: “Hi. You sold us a bed four years ago.”

Me: “Oh, that’s good.”

Caller: “We’re moving house.”

There’s a pause.

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “Well?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you’re asking me, sir.”

Caller: “We bought the bed from you, and we’re moving!”

Me: “I still don’t understand.”

Caller: “You need to move the bed to our new place!”

Me: “You want to order a bed for your new place?”

Caller: “No! Listen! You need to move the bed you already sold to us to our new place!”

Me: “The same bed we sold to you four years ago?”

Caller: “Finally, she gets it!”

Me: “That’s not a service we provide. Once we’ve delivered the bed, it’s your responsibility where it goes.”

Caller: “You said you offered free delivery!”

Me: “When you buy the bed the first time. We don’t have a responsibility to move it for you every time you move after that first delivery.”

Caller: “Well, that’s terrible customer service!”

Me: “With all due respect, you stopped being our customer after you bought the bed and the warranty ended.”

There’s another pause.

Caller: “What if I offered you fifty bucks?” 

Me: “Goodbye, sir.” *Click*

This story happened years ago when I got a job at a local location of a popular coffee shop chain near the university I was attending.

At this particular coffee chain, new employees were supposed to read the manual to get the recipes for drinks, but they were also assigned a “learning coach” to show them the ropes on their first few shifts, teach them how to steam milk, etc. There was also a specific order in which new employees were taught, starting with the “hot bar” (lattes and other espresso drinks) and then the “cold bar” (iced teas, blended drinks, and the like).

Unfortunately for me, my first day on the job happened to be the day a brand-new lower-calorie blended drink was released, and anyone could walk into the store and get a small-sized one for free. As I’m sure you can imagine, the store was a zoo. So, rather than being trained on the “hot bar”, I was shown how to make the “Frappuccino Light” and did that for the entirety of my shift.

This probably wouldn’t have been a problem, except that since I had been making drinks on the “cold bar” on my first day, I was never actually taught how to make any “hot bar” drinks (or any other “cold bar” drinks, for that matter). I muddled through, asked a lot of questions, and probably looked like an idiot, but I managed to figure out how everything worked before eventually putting in my notice six months later.

During my exit interview:

Manager: “Who was your learning coach? I don’t remember.”

Me: “What’s a learning coach?”

She nearly fell off her chair.

I did end up returning to work for that company for several years after graduating from college, and I eventually became a learning coach myself. I made sure not to abandon any new employees that were assigned to me like I had been.

I used to work at a fast food chain, and because I had decent customer service skills, I would usually be placed in the drive-thru taking orders.

It was the day before Thanksgiving, and the ordering manager had deliberately shorted the store on orders for the week to account for the fact that we would be closed on Thanksgiving. We would get a truck on Friday to restock.

However, the manager hadn’t accounted for Thanksgiving gluttony starting early. We ran out of fries a few hours into my shift. Cue repeats of this exchange for the next several hours.

Customer: “I’d like a large [combo] with a large fry….”

Me: “I’m so sorry, we’re out of fries for the day.”

This was usually followed by many choice swearwords from the customers followed by screeching tires.

I had never been so glad to close the store as I was that day.

A few Thanksgivings ago, my cousin was complaining that she had sold something on eBay but had not yet received the actual payment from the customer, who lived in Turkey. My cousin mentioned sending the customer an email that very morning and then expressed frustration when the customer failed to respond.

Mother: “Well, duh. It’s Thanksgiving. You won’t get an email until tomorrow.”

Me: “Mom, Thanksgiving is an American holiday. They don’t celebrate it in Turkey.”

My mother refused to believe me, and to this day, she still thinks the entire world celebrates Thanksgiving.

I answer a customer call that has been escalated to me by another agent. The caller wants to return a printer some months after it was purchased.

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Caller: “No.”

I use some creative searching, and I am able to look it up and email him a copy to boot. The official return limit is two weeks, but in actuality, the computer will let you do up to thirty days, and a manager (I am one) can override just about any time length if we have a good enough reason.

Looking up the receipt in his customer account, I can also see that he was a jerk to the associate who originally answered the phone.

Me: *Flatly* “The return limit is two weeks, and we can’t help you. I suggest that you call the manufacturer since it probably has a one-year warranty through them.”

Caller: *Yelling* “It’s ridiculous that I can’t return it!”

Me: “If you know of a store that lets you return electronics six months after you bought them, you let me know because I’d love to shop there. Our limit is two weeks.”

Theoretically, I could have helped him — I’ve done returns that were older than that — but not after he chewed out the other associate and then me. Now he can go shop at our competition.

Related:
You Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar, Part 5
You Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar, Part 4
You Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar, Part 3
You Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar, Part 2
You Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar