This Isn’t A Couch Gag

, , , , | | Right | May 10, 2019

Boss: “Okay. I know this sucks, but we can’t sell the couch in the display window because they sent it without legs, but we’re completely full and there’s literally nowhere else to put it. There’s no price on it, but if anyone gives you trouble you can call [Assistant Manager] at the other location.”

(Of course, as soon as he leaves…)

Customer: “So, how much is the couch in the window?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, that couch isn’t for sale right now; it’s missing parts.”

(The usual back and forth: “Sell it to me!” “No, I can’t.”)

Me: “If you’d like, I can call a manager to confirm what I’m telling you.”

Customer: *smugly, like she thinks I’m just being lazy and the manager is going to tell her something different* “Fine.”

(I call the manager and explain the situation.)

Manager: “Let me talk to her.”

(I hand the customer the phone, and the manager tells her exactly what I just did. The customer throws the phone at me and storms off. I pick up the phone.)

Manager: “I heard a crash; is everything okay?”

Me: “Yep.”

Manager: “Did she throw the phone at you?!”

Me: “Yep!”

(This happened when I was in high school, and the best part was I recognized the customer as a teacher at my school. You definitely want someone who gets aggressive about a couch teaching!)

Supervising Customers In A Bad (Time) Frame Of Mind

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2019

(I work in customer service for a large furniture company. We offer delivery for a fee, and the route specifies that you will get a two-hour window for delivery after 4:30 the night before you’re scheduled. I should also mention that I am a supervisor in this department and only in the queue this day because we have several reps out of the office for a corporate event. This is a Tuesday morning.)

Me: *answering the phone* “[Furniture Company]; this is [My Name]. How can I be helpful?”

Customer: “I have a delivery for Friday, and I need to narrow the time down so I can schedule when I can sign papers with my bank.”

Me: *looks up his account to verify he is scheduled for Friday* “Okay, sir. I see we are delivering to [address] on Friday. I, unfortunately, won’t have that time frame until Thursday after 4:30 since that’s when our routes are set in place.”

Customer: “Just tell me the time frame today so I can schedule with my bank.”

Me: “Sir, if I gave you a time frame today, it would be wildly inaccurate, and therefore wouldn’t help your situation since it will change between now and Thursday when our time frames go out.”

Customer: “I need your supervisor, then.”

Me: “Sir, I am the supervisor in this department.”

Customer: “So, I’m just stuck talking to you, then?”

Me: “I’m afraid so, sir.”

(The customer hangs up and calls back into the queue less than one minute later, and it just so happens I take the call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Furniture Store]. This is [My Name]. How can I be helpful?”

Customer: “I need a supervisor!”

Me: “Okay, sir, I am the supervisor. What can I help you with?”

Customer: “ARE YOU ALL SUPERVISORS IN THERE OR WHAT? EVERY TIME I CALL IN I GET A D*** SUPERVISOR!”

Me: “Sir, I am the same woman you spoke with two minutes ago.”

Customer: *click*

Getting Owned By The Rent-To-Own

, , , , , | Right | April 3, 2019

(I work at a rent-to-own store where customers can rent furniture, electronics, and appliances for a weekly rate, eventually owning them. A large part of our job is chasing down people who haven’t paid the rent on their merchandise. One customer, in particular, a woman in her mid-20s, is a huge problem, going weeks without paying, not answering her phone, and not working with us at all. Then, she will come in and pay a portion of what she owes and vanish again for a few weeks. This cycle goes on for about three months and we’re fed up, calling all her contacts and visiting her house every evening. One day, an older couple comes in and the man speaks to my manager.)

Man: “Why are you guys harassing my daughter so much?”

Manager: “Who’s your daughter, sir?”

Man: “[Trouble Customer].”

Manager: “Oh. Well, sir, we’re simply trying to get her to pay her rental bill.”

Man: “She signed your papers, didn’t she?”

Manager: “Yes, she did sign the rental agreement.”

Man: “Well, then, she’s going to pay you. You can just leave her alone.”

Manager: “Sir, I’m sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. She signed the agreement that she was going to pay the amount due, in full, by Saturday of each week. She’s never once paid on time and she’s currently two weeks behind.”

Man: “But she’s given you money, so what’s the problem?”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but I’m not completely sure where the disconnect is here. She has an agreement with us that says she will pay every Saturday…”

Man: “She agreed that she’ll pay you, and she will. There’s no problem, so leave her alone.”

(This went on for twenty minutes, getting nowhere. The concept of “must pay by an agreed-upon time an agreed-upon amount” was lost on this guy, and apparently, his daughter. They all figured that they could just get around to paying when they felt like it and that was their prerogative. The story with this customer continued for another few months, with her eventually getting behind by nearly six weeks in payments. We couldn’t do a legal replevin, however, unless she threatened to deface or destroy the goods. So, we made up a story to the cops about her threatening to smash her stuff if we didn’t leave her alone and we were able to get into her house and take it back. She wasn’t happy and cried a lot, but that’s the game you play with a rent-to-own store.)

You Broke Your Bed, Now You Gotta Sleep In It

, , , , | Right | March 28, 2019

(The customer I am with assumes everything I am doing is wrong, thinks I am stupid, and flat-out insults me to my face. I am just getting one of their last items, a simple hide-a-bed, which is a decently bulky item that we keep on the floor for convenience.)

Me: “Since you’re getting furniture, anyway, would you like me to bring this into the warehouse so they can load it with the rest of your purchase?”

Customer: “Sure. Whatever. Just hurry up already.”

Me: “All right, just let me finish filling out this ticket, then, and I’ll get that all set up for you.” *hands the customer the ticket* “So, once you pay for this at the till, you just need to drive around to the back and ring the buzzer, and the boys’ll load it up for you.”

Customer: “Fine.”

(I bring the hide-a-bed back and let the warehouse crew know about the purchase, so they can prepare it. It had been a busy day so they need to finish a couple of other orders first. During this time the customer has paid for their purchase and is waiting at the front door. Around twenty minutes later…)

Customer: *walking up to till* “Where’s my stuff? I’ve been waiting for about twenty minutes.”

Coworker #1: “I’m sorry? Let me check.” *walks up to me* “Yes, this customer is waiting for their stuff. Did you say you’d bring it out here?”

Me: “No, I informed them all of their furniture is in the back; they’ve just got to drive around.”

Customer: “What about my hide-a-bed?”

Me: “I brought it to the back like you wanted.”

Customer: *storming out, muttering various insults and cursing under their breath*

(The customer proceeds to drive around to our warehouse where our warehouse crew is still busy dealing with a couple of large orders that happened just before my customer. Warehouse crew has to check receipts on all orders, and the warehouse is exclusively employees only. This customer storms into the warehouse, grabs the hide-a-bed, and literally THROWS it into their vehicle.)

Coworker #2: “Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?”

Customer: “Well, this is mine! I’m taking it with the rest of my furniture because that idiot employee out there wasn’t listening.”

Coworker #2: “You can’t just walk in here; this is employees only. Let me see your receipt.” *the customer reluctantly hands over the receipt* “All right, yeah, this is the hide-a-bed I was told about. All due respect, though, because of you trespassing and not showing me the receipt before taking this, you are liable for any damages that may happen to that hide-a-bed.”

Customer: “Yeah, whatever.”

Coworker #2: “I’ll get the rest of your order. But for the record, I was on the other side of that door when he sold you the hide-a-bed and he did exactly what you asked. I don’t think he’s the idiot.”

Customer: *continues to fume while my coworkers finish the order*

(After they load up their vehicle they speed off. Around twenty minutes later, we see this vehicle return and most of our staff let out a collective groan.)

Customer: “This g**d*** hide-a-bed you sold me is broken. I demand a replacement.”

(As it turns out, the customer throwing the hide-a-bed broke the slats.)

Coworker #2: “It wasn’t damaged when I inspected it, and as I told you, because of you mishandling it, we are not liable for the damage.”

(The customer completely lost it, making up various curse words until our manager came in to resolve the situation, and when the coworker explained it, our manager restated what the coworker had said, pointing out the distinct “Employees Only” sign and the fact that the customer didn’t follow store policies. After all this was done, my manager, who had been keeping an eye on the situation, came up to us and congratulated me for handling the situation properly. Then she got grumpy with [Coworker #2], but admitted that she herself would have done the same thing.)

A Whole Tray Of Complaint

, , , , , | Right | March 13, 2019

(I work as a sales associate at a store that sells a lot of home furnishings, as well as furniture. I work with smaller items like vases and dinnerware. I’m currently working with kitchen products. A customer approaches the counter.)

Me: “Hi there. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I’ve got a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, I’m sorry to hear that, but how may I be of assistance in handling this complaint?”

Customer: *takes out an ice cube tray* “I have a complaint about this product.”

Me: “Okay. What is wrong with the ice cube tray?”

Customer: “I’ve been using it for about a year and a half and it’s taken on an odd smell.”

Me: *warily picks up the tray and sniffs it to discover that it’s the smell of frozen food bags and general “freezer” smell* “I think this is what it’s supposed to smell like. That’s what mine smells like.”

Customer: “Well, then, something is very wrong with you because it shouldn’t smell like that.”

Me: “I… Would you like to buy a new one?”

Customer: “I’d like to return this one.”

Me: “Well, you just said that you have been using it for over a year, and it smells normal to me. Maybe if you clean it and then clean out your freezer, you can continue using it.”

Customer: “No. I want a refund because it doesn’t smell right.”

Me: “Our policy is ninety days in unused and unwashed condition, with receipt, for a full cash refund, and not only have you used it and washed it, but it’s also been over a year since you bought it.”

Customer: “I demand to speak to your manager.”

Me: “About an ice cube tray that smells normal? I’ll get her, but I generally wouldn’t bring back items that cost $10 after a year of use.”

(The customer was so grumpy she had me pull my manager, who reluctantly gave her store credit for the product so that she could keep good faith with the customer.)

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