That Order Is Totally Phoned In

, , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(It is the holiday season and we have a lot of special orders. I am calling customers to let them know their order is ready and what time we are closing. This particular order is for someone with the same last name as one of my coworkers, a fact which I happen to blank out on.)

Me: *on the phone* “This is [My Name] at [Meat Market] calling for [Customer]. I wanted to remind you that your order is ready to be picked up, and we’ll be closing at [time] tonight.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks! We’ll be down to get it in about an hour.”

(The customer calls back a few minutes later.)

Me: “[Meat Market], this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, we just spoke about my order. I was wondering if you could tell me the price on that?”

Me: “Of course; it’s [price]. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “No, thank you. We’ll be down to get it soon.”

(An hour later, my coworker arrives for her shift. Her dad browses our selection for a minute before coming to the counter.)

Coworker’s Dad: “I’m here to pick up the order for [Last Name].”

(The realization hits. I get his order together and give it to him. After he has been rung out and left, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “So… I called your house to remind your family to come get your order before we close.”

Coworker: “I know. I was the one that answered the phone.”

(At least she got to start a hectic shift with a laugh!)

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Why Ad Men Become Mad Men

, , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I call the local paper to inquire about posting a four-line ad in the classified section. It turns out the ad will be classified in a different category than I thought ,and will therefore be four times the cost. Not wanting to pay $60 for the ad, I thank the person on the line but tell them I will not be placing the ad after all. Simple. I think that is the end of it. But, no. A few days later:)

Caller #1: “This is [Caller #1] from [Town] paper. I need to speak to [My Name].”

Me: “You’ve reached her.”

Caller #1: “You recently placed an ad in our paper under someone else’s account.”

Me: “No, I didn’t. I inquired about an ad, but did not place one. I didn’t put in under any account at all.”

Caller #1: “We have the ad billed to [Person I’ve never heard of]’s account. You can’t place an ad under someone else’s account.”

Me: “I didn’t place an ad at all. You’ve made a mistake.”

(I hang up. The phone rings again.)

Caller #1: “Don’t hang up on me! You’ve fraudulently placed an ad under someone else’s account!”

Me: “What ad was placed?”

Caller #1: “I don’t have that information.”

Me: “Look. I called your paper to inquire about an ad. I didn’t end up placing it. The ad I intended to place had my information, and my information only. I have no idea what you are talking about. I told you that already.”

Caller #1: “The ad was placed with the phone number of another person’s account.”

Me: “Really? The ad I wanted to place included this number, the phone number you called to reach me. Clearly this is my number. Does someone else have an account under my number?”

Caller #1: “No. The account is under a different phone number.”

Me: “Did my ad post? Just a second, while I look in the paper.” *I do so.* “There is no ad in either the section I thought it would go in, or the section I was told it would go in. No ad was posted. There seems to a problem in billing. It is not my problem.”

(I hang up again. When the phone doesn’t ring immediately, I again think it is over. A few hours later the phone rings.)

Caller #2: “Hello, I’m trying to reach [My Name].

Me: “You’ve reached her.”

Caller #2: “Hi, my name is [Name given to me by Caller #1] and the newspaper tells me that you’ve place an ad in the classified section using my account.”

Me: “Well, the newspaper is wrong. I called them a few days ago to inquire about an ad. It turned out to be way more expensive than I’d thought, so I did not post it. I posted no ad at all. The only information I gave them was my own. The only phone number I gave them was the number you called. I don’t know what to tell you.”

Caller #2: “Well, they told me to call you and that maybe we could work it out.”

Me: “There is nothing to work out. This has nothing to do with me. Someone at the paper has made a mistake. They are the only ones who can fix it. Someone has just transposed numbers or something. Our phone numbers must be pretty similar.”

Caller #2: “No, actually. Our numbers are not even remotely close, and one must give a password to place an ad on my account.”

Me: “Okay, this is ridiculous. I certainly never gave your number, never gave a password of any kind, and actually never even placed an ad. If you are being billed for an ad that never ran, you need to take that up with the paper. This has nothing at all to do with me.”

(I hang up. Yup, the phone rings again a bit later. It is the lady from the paper.)

Caller #1: “We need to get this taken care of.”

Me: “Listen. I’ve had enough of you. Any mistake made has nothing to do with me. You need to stop bothering me. Figure it out from your end.”

Caller #1: “We can—”

Me: “I’ve been patient. You really just need to stop talking. Let me speak to a supervisor or stop calling me. Those are the only two options I’m giving you.”

Caller #1: “Fine!”

Supervisor: “Hello, I understand you have placed an ad under someone else’s account.”

Me: “Listen to me carefully. I will say this once. I called about possibly placing an ad. While doing so, I gave my name and my phone number. My phone number was to appear in the ad. That is the only phone number I gave during the call. Before the call was over, I was given a quote for cost. I determined it to be too high and did not authorize the ad. I was asked for no billing information, as there was no reason to be billed. I. Did. Not. Place. An. Ad. Have I made myself clear?”

Supervisor: “You placed no ad at all?”

Me: “No.”

Supervisor: “Okay. We’ll look into things on this end. Thank you for your time.”

(That was the last I heard from them. I never tried to place any sort of ad in that paper again!)

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A Case Of System-atic Failure

, , , , , , | Right | October 12, 2017

(I’m more than halfway through a seven-hour shift, running on five hours of sleep, after a 17-hour day between school and work the previous day. I am supposed to have a cashier to run register, but the cashier hasn’t shown up for any of his shifts this week and we haven’t gotten a hold of him at all, so I am running the front end of the store myself for the entire time. This is right before a snowstorm, so we are unusually busy for a weekend morning. By the time this customer comes up, I am tired, frazzled from trying to help so many different customers at once, almost out of patience, and have more than fulfilled my daily requirement of idiocy. A lady walks up to my register and places a bag of [Store] brand candy and a package of [Popular Brand] Easter marshmallows.)

Customer: “Both of these items are on sale, two for three dollars. They should ring up that price. Make sure they ring up that price.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t believe they will ring up like that; these are two different brands, so they are two different sales. They don’t—”

Customer: “I don’t care if they are two different brands! They should ring up two-for-three!”

Me: “Let me ring them up and see how they ring up, but I’m just letting you know that is not typically how the sales work.”

(I ring up the items and run the customer’s store card.)

Me: “It looks like they both ran up at $1.59 each, so it’s close to the two-for-three deal.”

Customer: *slams hands on counter* “They should be two-for-three! What kind of store doesn’t honor their sales?”

Me: “Ma’am, we do honor our sales; however, the sale tags do say that the single purchase price is more than if you buy two and—”

Customer: “I have two!”

Me: “Yes, but they are two different brands. I know it can be confusing, and we get this sometimes with makeup. Like if [Makeup Brand #1] and [Makeup Brand #2] are both on sale, buy one get one half off, and you bought an eyeshadow from both, would you expect to get one of them half off?”

Customer: *nods emphatically* “Yes!”

Me: “Okay. What if there is that same sale on hair dye and [brand] macaroni and cheese? Would you expect to get one of them half off?”

Customer: “Of course!”

(By this time there are about five people behind her that are starting to get impatient. After a couple more tries of explaining it to her…)

Me: “That, unfortunately, is not how the system works. Would you still like both of the products?”

Customer: *throws card at me* “Yes, fine, whatever. And don’t tell me how the system works! I’ve been in the system for fifty years! I know how the system works.”

Me: “Wow, you must have been a loyal customer from the start! The company has only recently celebrated our 50th anniversary! We appreciate your loyalty!” *slight sarcasm*

(She finally grabbed her bags and left, and I was able to greet the next customer. But not before hitting my head against the wall first.)

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Their Disruption Comes To A Messy Conclusion

, , , , | Learning | October 12, 2017

(My sophomore year physics teacher is very laid-back and has a great sense of humor. Today, however, the class clown has been very disruptive and is getting on his nerves.)

Teacher: “If [Clown] falls off a 50-foot cliff, when he hits the ground—”

Clown: *interrupts* “What if I bounce?”

Teacher: *flatly* “You don’t bounce. You splat.”

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The Bulb Isn’t The Only Dull Thing Around Here

, , , , , | Working | October 12, 2017

(I’m at a home improvement store looking for a replacement light bulb. I’ve checked online, where it lists the area the item will be in, but it lists it as an aisle higher than the highest aisle number that actually exists in the store. I’ve just managed to find an employee in the department to help me.)

Me: “Hi, I have this fluorescent bulb that I’m looking for a replacement for, but in a different color temperature. I can’t seem to find—”

([Worker #1] holds his hand out to stop me from talking, signing that he is deaf. I nod and bring out the previous bulb, which I’ve brought with me to recycle, and show it to him. The worker nods back at me, and begins to show me the way.)

Worker #2: *suddenly popping out of nowhere* “Oh, let me help you!”

Me: “But—” *being physically blocked by her while [Worker#1] rounds the corner*

Worker #2: “You need to write things down and show them to him, he’s deaf.”

Me: “Yes, I know, but he already knew what I needed.”

Worker #2: “Yes, but he’s deaf.”

Me: “I know…” *sighing* “Look, do you know where these fluorescent bulbs are?”

(I show her the bulb. She begins to take me to an area where I have already been searching for about 15 minutes.)

Me: “I’ve already been here, and to the next three aisles. It wasn’t here.”

Worker#2: *awkwardly* “This actually isn’t my department. It was his.”

([Worker#1], who had clearly been searching for me, spotted me and motioned for me to follow him again. I found the bulb in less than a minute, and in the new color temperature I wanted. I’m not sure why [Worker #2] intervened in the first place. This store doesn’t work on commission, and it was [Worker #1]’s department, and we didn’t have any apparent communication issues, even though he was deaf!)

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