This Heavy Task Falls To You

, , , , , | Working | June 5, 2017

(My mother is going to the store, and decides to use the automated self-checkout. As a security precaution, the computer asks you to place each item on the belt after being scanned so it can weigh it and make sure it’s the right item. Everything is going normally until my mom tries to scan a certain item:)

Machine: “Place your helium balloon on the belt.”


When Lack Of Register DOES Register

, , , , | Right | June 5, 2017

(I am the customer in this story. I am shopping at a smaller electronics store in a local mall. It is early afternoon so I am the only one in the whole store. I am buying a couple movies for my dad and a CD for my sister. After I hand over my card and the cashier swipes it the whole system freezes.)

Cashier: “God d*** AGAIN! This has already happened twice today. I am so sorry for the inconvenience but the computer froze and now I have to get the manager to reboot the system. It’s probably going to take a couple minutes though.”

Me: “Oh, that’s fine. I don’t mind waiting.”

Cashier: *fetches manager and starts rebooting computer* “Again I am very sorry.”

Manager: “I wish this could go faster but this is the only register we have open and this is probably going to take about 10 minutes to reboot.”

Me: “Guys, I really don’t mind. You don’t have to be sorry. I have been working retail for three years and our register needs to be rebooted at least twice a day. I’m at the mall at one pm on a Tuesday. If I had anything better to do I would be doing it. I’m gonna go poke around in the clearance bin. Holler when the system is up again.”

Cashier: *with a huge smile* “Will do!”

(After poking around in clearance and picking out two additional movies, they call me over.)

Manager: “Just coupon out her two clearance movies. Thank you so much for your patience!”

Cashier: “And for not yelling at us!”

These Kids Are Gonna Crucify You

, , , | Learning | June 5, 2017

(I’m a Sunday School teacher for the six to eight year olds. At this particular lesson, we are learning about the Crucifixion of Christ.)

Me: “So Christ said, ‘My God, why hast thou forsaken me?’ And that means ‘Why are you ignoring me?’ He felt like God didn’t love Him anymore.”

(Later in the lesson, they are getting rowdy and not paying attention. We’ve been working on empathy and internally-motivated morality (ie. doing moral things because you want to be moral, rather than fear of punishment or adherence to rules), so I take this approach:)

Me: “Oh, dear. No one is listening to me, and that doesn’t make me feel very loved, unfortunately.”

Student: “Guys! Guys! Why are you forsaking her?!”

(They did immediately start listening again.)

Fun Fact: They Don’t

, , , | Working | June 5, 2017

(I am seeing my doctor again after a trans-abdominal ultrasound where I was given something I had assumed was a painkiller, as I was in pain before the exam. I am an abuse survivor, so gynecological exams are hard for me, but it’s worse when I don’t know what’s happening. I’m in my early 20s.)

Me: “Doctor, do you know what the nurse gave me before my ultrasound? It made me feel like I was spinning, and I saw colors and patterns on the ceiling.”

Doctor: “Let me look in my notes. I’m sorry that it made you hallucinate; we were just trying to make sure that, if the ultrasound had to be transvaginal, you would be calm and not remember it very well. Oh, I see. It was [Drug].”

Me: “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind next time a nurse tells me that they’re giving me [Drug].”

Doctor: “Anyway, I thought people your age do that sort of thing to themselves for fun.”

(I’m not a doctor, and maybe that’s the professional thing to do, but it sounds eerily similar to date rape to me. And I’m also not a drug user, but I’m pretty sure they like to know what they’re doing to themselves beforehand.)

Cheesy Statements Of Love

, | Related | June 5, 2017

(While talking on the phone.)

Me: “You know, [Sister], you’re probably the person I most care about.”

Sister: “Mine’s probably cheese.”

(She’s lactose intolerant.)

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