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If She Were Blonde It Would Be Stereo(Typing)

, , | Right | April 7, 2010

Customer: “My email is not working!”

Me: “What do you mean it’s not working?”

Customer: “I can’t send any email. I need to send email. I have to confirm bookings and other stuff for my B&B! I need this fixed right away!”

Me: “Okay, I was just heading out. I will drive straight over.”

(I arrive at the customer’s B&B.)

Customer: “I am so glad you could come so quickly. I just don’t know what to do without my email!”

(I look at the computer, use the mouse to send myself a test email, everything works fine.)

Customer: “No, no! Not like that! Type the email!”

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(I type and nothing happens. I reach behind the computer and plug the keyboard back in. The email starts to work again.)

Me: “Your keyboard was unplugged.”

Customer: “Oh yeah, a wire got kicked out when I was sitting there. I guess it was an important one after all.”

Picture Imperfect

, , | Right | April 3, 2010

(I am speaking to a woman who is wanting to specify a ring valued at £4,000.)

Me: “Okay, just to let you know that because the item is valued at over £1,500, you will need to provide proof of its value if you do have to make a claim on it.”

Customer: “So a receipt would be okay?”

Me: “That’ll be fine, but for peace of mind a lot of people take pictures of their more expensive items in case they do need to claim on them because of loss or theft.”

Customer: *long pause* “Um… how am I supposed to take a picture of it if I have lost it?”

Me: “You… you take a picture of it before you lose it.”

Customer: “Oh! That makes more sense now. I thought you were saying I’d have to find it again so I can take a picture to claim for it.”

Santa Baby

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2010

(I am a supervisor in a daycare. It is Christmas Eve and a child’s mother has arrived to pick him up.)

Mother: “So, is it okay if I send in his presents with him tomorrow so he can open them here?”

Me: “Tomorrow? It’s Christmas Day tomorrow… We’ll be closed.”

Mother: “What? You’re closed tomorrow? But what am I supposed to do with my kid?”

Me: “Oh, do you have to work tomorrow? That’s unfortunate.”

Mother: “Work tomorrow? No, I booked it off a long time ago. Why are you closed tomorrow? You’re always open!”

Me: “Christmas Day is the only day we’re closed all year.”

Mother: “Well, I don’t want him under my feet on Christmas!”

Me: “Um…”

Mother: “You don’t want to babysit, do you?”


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

Read the next Christmas Eve roundup story!

Read the Christmas Eve roundup!

You Got The Wrong(est) Item, Part 2

, , , , | Right | March 28, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m after some Durex.”

Me: “Durex? I’m sorry, we don’t sell Durex.”

Customer: “Not even for toys?”

Me: “For toys?”

Customer: “Duracell! Duracell batteries!”


This story is part of our Tongue-Tied Customers roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!

Sizing Up Customers

, , , | Right | March 24, 2010

(An elderly female customer has been looking intently at the PC games for about ten minutes.)

Me: “Hi, are you all right there? Do you have any questions?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I have a PC upstairs, and a laptop downstairs.”

Me: “Right.”

Customer: “Will the games work on both? The CD tray is bigger on the PC.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “And smaller on the laptop.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure they’re both the same size.”

Customer: “But the laptop is smaller.”

Me: “They will work on both; trust me.”