Lawyers Were Never Real People

, , , , , | Legal | August 10, 2018

(I work for a government department that deals mainly with legal professionals, but we do occasionally get calls from members of the general public.)

Colleague: *on phone* “It’s a bit complicated. Are you a lawyer or a real person?”

When Life Gives You Lemons, You Make Mechanical Engineers

, , , , , | Right | August 3, 2018

(I am a female mechanical engineering student working part-time in a local Scottish pub. There are always a lot of questions when the old boys find out what I study.)

Customer: “Do you study here, then?”

Me: “Yes, I study mechanical engineering. It’s great!”

Customer: “I bet there’s loads of boys on the course; is that why you chose it?”

Me: *sharply* “Not at all. It’s an extremely interesting subject that covers the mechanics of everything — not just cars, if that was going to be your next question.”

(I am regularly asked if I know how an engine works. The customer goes quiet, and I continue cutting lemons for the drinks. Then, about ten minutes later…)

Customer: “I can tell you’re going to be a great engineer, by the way you’re cutting those lemons so methodically!”

(All I could do was say thanks, and leave ASAP so I didn’t burst out laughing at his genuine compliment.)

Unfiltered Story #116530

, | Unfiltered | July 21, 2018

I have worked in hospitality for years and thought I had seen it all…til today.

We’re a local pub with a strong sense of community. One of our longterm regulars lost his wife after a long illness so, naturally, we were hosting the funeral. We reserved the dining side and put signs in the window explaining what was going on.

A fellow went to sit at one of the reserved tables so I went over to explain the situation…

“I’m really sorry, sir but these tables are reserved as we’re expecting a funeral party soon.”

*looking at the sign on the table* “So I can’t sit here?”

“Terribly sorry but no, not today sire I’m afraid. We have this whole side reserved for the funeral party. You are more than welcome to site on the bar side though”

*borderline aggressive* “I came all the way from [neighbouring town] for this!”

I wasn’t delighted with the attitude thrown at me so I tried a more direct approach

“I am sorry, sir, but one of our regulars lost his wife so it’s the least we can do to for him and his family”

“Yes but I travelled all the way from [neighbouring town]!”

I apologised one final time and he wandered over to the bar side, looked around and announced to my colleague that it ‘wasn’t good enough’ that he couldn’t have a table!

Sadly, he was one of five separate people to be annoyed that we had tables reserved for the funeral…

I Have An Ice Cream Dream

, , , , , , | Related | July 2, 2018

(We are having a heatwave at the moment. As I am shopping, I pass a small girl and what I assume is her grandmother. The grandmother is carrying two boxes of ice lollies, each containing 12 lollipops.)

Grandmother: “Right. We need to get these home before they melt.”

Granddaughter: “Or we could just eat them now.”

(I admire her ambition.)

Alcohol Leaves No Survivors

, , , , , , , | | Friendly | May 25, 2018

My Muslim friend doesn’t drink, but she always thought it was funny when other people did and got a bit silly. Once we were having a small get-together and she decided she was going to mix us all cocktails. Even with our instructions telling her how much to put in, she made them strong; she used at least twice, if not three times as much alcohol as I would use.

Years later, she posted something on a social networking site about being a non-drinker and how annoying people were about it. I remembered this party and the cocktails, so I jokingly replied mentioning it. She went nuts at me, saying it never happened — maybe she doesn’t remember it but it happened — that she had never even touched the outside of a bottle of alcohol — a lie — and that I was malicious for posting it.

I realise that maybe I made a mistake posting publicly, as some of her Muslim friends and family might not know that she used to do things like that, and I have apologised for this. But I do not appreciate being called a liar.

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