A Sweet Ending

, , , , , , | Working | October 9, 2019

My old broadband company was hopeless. My net was down more than it was up, often for hours to days. Family friends were almost ready to sue them as their “service” was so bad locally. I decided it was finally time to switch to a faster and more reliable company.

The changeover was due at midnight and was to have a new router in the post before it. The post came that day and there was no new router in it, so I sighed and resigned myself to using Twitter to complain yet again about broadband issues. 

The new company responded to tweets quickly and found there was a system error, so the automatic release of the router when I signed up had not happened for some reason. For the inconvenience, he would credit my account with £8 for being without the Internet for what could be up to five days, but he put an urgency request on it.

The next day, to my surprise, a router and parcel came in the post. The parcel was a bar of chocolate from a local supplier with an apology note from the new broadband company, written by the guy I had spoken with on Twitter. After setting up my new router, the first thing I did was sent a DM to acknowledge that the router had arrived and thank him for the chocolate.

The next day, a second router arrived! I went back on Twitter to announce my routers were breeding. I was sent a free postage bag a few days later to return it and was thanked for telling them as so many kept them.

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It’s Warm Inside, There’s All Kinds Of Lovely Atmosphere

, , , , , , | Hopeless | September 23, 2019

(My daughters and I are fans of the show “Red Dwarf” and meeting the cast would be amazing, but times in the 90s are tough for us so conventions are beyond us. One of the actors from the show, Craig Charles, is doing a reading from one of his books in a major book store in our city, so I have the idea of taking the daughter that likes it the most.)

Me: “Hi, Mr. Charles! Could my bairn have your autograph, please?”

(Craig, noticing my daughter is around five years old, asks if she knows who he is.)

Daughter: *quite clearly* “Yeah! Smeghead!”

Craig: “That’s ‘Mister Smeghead, sir’!”

(He signed her book, “Craig Charles, SMEGHEAD!”)

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When Customer And Employee Agree On How Stupid You Are

, , , , | Right | August 26, 2019

(I am eating out with some friends in a pub serving Mexican food, and I’ve volunteered to place everyone’s orders at the bar. It is a pretty simple menu.)

Friend #1: “I’m going to have the cheesy nachos.”

Friend #2: “Yeah, nachos sound good. I’ll have the chili ones.”

Me: “With beef or beans?”

Friend #2: “Beef.”

Friend #1: “Wait, I want beef on my cheesy nachos, too!”

Me: “Okay, so you want the beef chili nachos, but with cheese on?”

Friend #1: “No, I want the cheese nachos, but with beef chili.”

Me: “Um, since the beef chili nachos are more expensive, I’m pretty sure they’re going to charge you the price of them, instead.”

Friend #1: “But I only want the cheesy nachos; I just want beef chili on top of them, too.”

(I fail to see her logic but feel certain the bar staff will clear this right up.)

Me: “Okay, so the last order is for the cheesy nachos, but with the chili beef.”

Bartender: “Well, since all of our nachos have cheese on, that’s basically the beef chili nachos, then.”

Me: “I know. I tried.”

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Unfiltered Story #153748

, , , | Unfiltered | June 6, 2019

(I am a customer at an ice cream shop where each flavour is homemade in very small batches so that the ice cream is always fresh, never more than three days old. Because of this, it’s very common for them to run out of flavours. I’m trying to decide what I want since my favorite kind is sold out. A man walks in:)

Man: *looking expectantly at workers behind counter* “Hello!”

Worker 1: “Hi, sir. I’m sorry, but we only have one scoop of hazelnut left.”

Man: *suddenly angry* “One scoop? One scoop?! Who the bloody hell leaves one scoop?”

(The man storms out.)

Worker 2: “But..but we had one scoop left! Did he seriously just leave because he couldn’t have more than one?”

Worker 1: “That’s Two Scoop Hazelnut Man. He always gets two scoops, or else he won’t buy anything. You’ll get to know him.”

(I took the last scoop of hazelnut. Your loss, Two Scoop Hazelnut Man!)

, , , , , , | Friendly | March 17, 2019

For several years I lived directly above a pub. It was incredibly noisy, but I loved being able to watch people coming and going. There were frequently stag dos dressed in elaborate fancy dress, such as blue body paint to look like Smurfs or mascot costumes.

Around midday on a Saturday, I suddenly heard a very loud horn blast followed by cheering from the pub. I looked out my window to see a man in a full fox costume, including a giant head and tail, sprinting down the street. He was soon followed by a yelling group of men, half dressed as dogs and half wearing tweed suits, high socks, and caps and running with children’s toy stick horses between their legs. One man carried a bugle and repeatedly blew on it as the group ran down the street after the fox, presumably going to the next pub.

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