Unable To Iron Out The Problems With That Thinking

, , , , , | Right | April 2, 2020

(I work for a multinational clothing chain. The customer’s daughter purchased a jacket in the UK and went back home to Tenerife where she lives. She discovered that the security tag was still on it.

The annoyed daughter demands some kind of compensation for the hassle as she needs to take the jacket to the store in Tenerife to remove the tag and is really unhappy about the whole situation. Her mother has called to complain and was asked to send the receipt in.)

Me: “Good morning, and welcome to [Chain]. How can we help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I need to speak to [Manager]; she’s a manager there. I’m supposed to send her a copy of my receipt but I’ve done a very stupid thing… I’ve ironed it and now it’s black and burnt!”

Me: “You’ve ironed it?!”

Customer: “It was all crinkled up! I wanted it to be smooth when I took a picture of it!”

Me: “Well… uh… okay, let me speak to [Manager]. What’s your name?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

(I give the manager a quick call.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager], I have a customer who was meant to send a receipt in to you. She’s called [Customer].”

Manager: “Oh, yes, she said that her daughter bought a jacket, but the tag was still on it; she says her daughter is unable to take the jacket back to the store in Tenerife as she is not close to the store and her daughter does not have the receipt with her to prove she has bought it, but [Customer] does. She was really, really unhappy about it, so I advised that she scan us a copy of the receipt and we would look into it further and maybe get a gift card for the value of the coat to be sent out. I said that we would only do this if she provided us with proof of purchase though, as it’s a goodwill gesture.”

Me: “Oh, well, funnily enough… She wanted to let you know that she is so dumb, she has… ahem… ironed her receipt you asked her to send in and it’s now all black and burnt.”

Manager: “Ha! What an idiot! I was being nice offering her that, anyway; I normally wouldn’t have! What a fool. Okay, well, we can’t help her without a receipt. It was a goodwill gesture but on the condition that she sends that in. Nothing we can do without it!”

Me: *laughs* “Okay, well, I shall enjoy telling her!”

(I take a deep breath and try to control my laughter and feign sympathy.)

Me: “Hi. [Customer], I’ve just spoken to [Manager] and I’m really sorry, but she says that without the receipt, we’re not able to take this further, I’m afraid.”

Customer: What?! But that jacket is £80! It’s not our fault your store left the tag on!”

Me: “I know and I’m really sorry about that, but unfortunately, we’re now unable to help any further, as we cannot see on our records how much the jacket was or when it was purchased.”

Customer: “Well, I’m very disappointed; you’ve just lost a customer!” *click*

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The Kids Want Some Chicken Nuggets, Ketchup, And A Nice Bottle Of Cabernet

, , , , , , | Right | March 21, 2020

(I work in a small supermarket in a rather upmarket area of Edinburgh. Like most British supermarkets, the store has a policy where if a cashier thinks you look under 25 and you are buying alcohol, they should ask for your ID. My boyfriend and I are waiting in the queue and we overhear an argument going on at the cash desk. A very posh, spoilt-sounding young woman is arguing with a cashier and the manager because she was trying to buy alcohol and didn’t have any ID with her. The poor cashier who was originally dealing with her is standing looking terrified in the background while the manager is speaking to her. The woman has two young children with her.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, madam, but if my staff member has asked you for ID and you do not have any, the law states that they or I cannot sell the alcohol to you.”

Woman: “This is ridiculous! I’m in here practically every day and no one has ever asked me for ID before! I have a five-year-old and a six-year-old; I have to be over 25!”

Manager: *extremely patiently, but getting more and more annoyed* “I cannot change the law just for you. As I said before, if you cannot produce any ID when my staff member asks you for some, then we cannot legally sell you alcohol.”

Woman: *turning to her children* “How am I supposed to buy them their supper now?!”

(She stormed out of the shop with her children, huffing and puffing as she left, and leaving a fairly large pile of groceries on the counter. My boyfriend and I spent our entire walk home wondering why on earth not being able to buy alcohol would prevent her buying ingredients to make supper with! It’s not like the cashier was saying she couldn’t buy any groceries without ID.)

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Just Pining For The Fjords

, , , , , | Friendly | March 9, 2020

(I’m staying in a hotel with a friend as part of our annual trip to Edinburgh. I’ve been known to talk in my sleep but I rarely remember doing so, and it’s only thanks to my friend telling me that I know about it at all. This night has been a little rough — as nights often are in unfamiliar locations — with a number of false awakenings. But, beyond that, I do feel somewhat well-rested. I’m getting up to use the toilet when my friend asks me something.)

Friend: “Do you remember shouting in your sleep last night?”

Me: “I vaguely recall trying to vocalise after hearing you talk, but otherwise, no.”

Friend: “You were shouting Monty Python quotes in your sleep.”

Me: “Wow. That says a lot about me, doesn’t it?”

(Thank Brian of Nazareth I didn’t disturb anyone else!)

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A Life Of Crime Is A Gamble

, , , , , , , | Legal | January 20, 2020

My mum is the area manager of a chain of betting shops. She travels around them all making sure nothing shady is going on and everything is running smoothly. One day, we receive a panicked call from her.

“Yeah, this is going to sound nuts but can you come to get me? Someone is in the shop with a gun threatening to steal.”

At hearing this, we all freak out. For reference: guns have been illegal in Scotland for many years unless you have a specialised license. So, we make the 20-minute drive there only to find a police car and someone in an oversized onesie being escorted out screaming that he has no idea why he is being taken in.

Confused, we walk in to find out what happened. We find my mum and two other employees struggling to contain their laughter. After a few minutes, we manage to get it out. Someone came in wearing a balaclava and all black, and carrying a loaded gun. When the panic button was pressed, he ran… only to turn up a measly ten minutes later after changing clothes and ask to make a bet. By that point, the police arrived and he was escorted out immediately.

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I Believe In Unnamed Miracles!

, , , , | Right | December 19, 2019

(Usually, my best friend is a brilliant customer. She’s worked for years in many different aspects of customer service and knows how to be an awesome customer. The other day, however…)

Barista: “Hi! How can I help?”

Friend: “Hi! I’d like a medium extra hot, please.”


Barista: *patiently* “An extra hot, what?” 

Friend: *now confused* “A medium, extra hot… please?”

(Pause. The barista and I look at her, willing her to finish the sentence.)

Friend: *completely confused* “What?!”

Me: “She’d like a medium hot chocolate, extra hot, please. She likes it to be like lava.”

(The barista laughs and my friend finally gets it.)

Friend: “I never mentioned what drink, did I? Sorry! I’m an idiot.”

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