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Getting No Signal From Brains And Phones

, , , , , , | Right | March 3, 2010

Caller: “I’ve had nothing but trouble with this phone recently.”

Me: “What problems have you been having?”

Caller: “No matter what I do, I can’t get a signal. I had to ring customer services!

Me: “Did you call them off that phone?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “And is that the phone I am speaking to you on?”

Caller: “Yes. And they said I should try switching it off taking the sim card out, putting it back in, and turning it back on and that would help re-set it.”

Me: “Did that work?”

Caller: “I don’t know, they hung up on me while I was trying.”

Me: “While you were switching your phone off?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Doctor Sue

, , , , , , | Right | February 26, 2010

(I am selling a replica phone box from the popular show ‘Doctor Who’ on an online auction site. In the show the phone box is actually a time machine/spaceship. I put my number on there so people can call me.)

Caller: “Hi, I was wondering about the replica phone box you are selling. Can it actually fly to other planets and go through time?”

Me: “Afraid not. It’s a replica… It’s fake.”

Caller: “Well, is it as big inside as in the show?”

Me: “No, that’s impossible to do. It’s a TV show so it’s not real.”

Caller: “What? You’re selling a replica? So, it can’t fly to other planets and through time?”

Me: “No one can make it like it is on the show. It’s impossible.”

Caller: “Excuses, excuses! You lying b****! I’m going to report you and sue!” *click*


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(V)ery (A)bsent (T)hought

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2010

(After confirming the price of every single item in a customer’s basket as it goes through the till, I finally hand her the receipt.)

Customer: “Wait, what’s this thing here? It was really expensive!” *points at item on her receipt*

Me: “That’s VAT.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Value Added Tax.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy any of that.”

Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2010

Customer: “I want a book to complete the set for my grandson.”

Me: “Certainly, madam. Can I ask what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Well, he’s interested in history. I want to encourage him, so he’s already got books on World War 1 and World War 2. I want to get him the next one so he can be prepared before they do it at school.”

Me: “Um, the next one?”

Customer: “Yes. Haven’t you got anything on World War 3? I’ve looked all over.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. I’m pretty certain we don’t have anything on that subject at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind, then. I’ll try a bigger bookshop.”


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When Presumptions Meet Postmodernism

, , , , , | Right | February 18, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to get this DVD for my son.” *hands me a copy of “Watchmen”*

Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

Customer: “Five.”

Me: “Sorry, this film isn’t suitable for your son.”

Customer: “But it’s about superheroes! How can a film about superheroes be unsuitable for kids?”

Me: “There is a scene where one of the heroes cuts a man’s head in half with a meat cleaver.”

Customer: “What, are they thick or something? How could you put that in a kid’s film?”


This story is part of our “Bad Parents & R-Rated Movies” roundup!

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