I used to volunteer for a charity thrift shop. One day, I was just buzzing around the shop, tidying, making sure all was good, when I came across something rather alarming: a knife. It was just lying on the floor amongst the DVD section.

Weapons are seldom seen in the UK for context. We might see armed police, but that’s about it. There’s a limit to the size of the blade you’re allowed. So, this knife lying in a simple charity shop was a massive cause of concern. Especially since we had a young teenager volunteering for us at the time. She was very worried.

So, we picked it up (carefully!) and got in touch with the police, who came and took it away.

About half an hour later, a man comes into the shop.

Man: “Uh, hi, not sure if I left a knife here? I was using it to open DVDs…”

Me: “The police have it; you’ll have to go to the station.”

Man: “You’re kidding! That was expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we had to report it. They took it away.”

The man just threw up his arms in an exasperated gesture and left. We didn’t ever find out if he got it back, or his intentions, but here’s a little tip for you: don’t bring a blade to a charity shop to “open DVDs”. Looking back, even as I’m typing this, I wonder what his true intentions were. That thought makes me nervous.

Customer: “Do you accept chairs as donations?”

Me: “We do if they have no cloth on them, for the fire regulations.”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s not cloth.”

Me: “And it’s in good condition?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s wood and in good condition. Like new! Although it’s missing a leg.”

Me: “Sir, why would anyone buy a chair missing a leg? And why would anyone classify that as in good condition, or like new?”

Customer: “Well, maybe someone likes woodwork and would want to make one?”

I admired his optimism, but we had to turn him down.

An older man comes to the counter with a small stack of knick-knacks. We have boxes of items for set prices (£1, 50p, 25p). These are all from the 50p box.

Customer: “I’ll give you forty pence each for these.”

Me: “They’re marked at fifty pence already, sir. That’s the price.”

Customer: *Snorts.* “Fifty? Outrageous. I’ll do forty.”

Me: “It’s a charity shop. Prices are already low.”

Customer: “Get your manager, then!”

Manager: *Standing nearby.* “I’m already here. Fine, we’ll do forty.”

Customer: “Well then, let’s do thirty then!”

Manager: “But we got you down to forty.”

Customer: “Yeah, but you agreed too easily, so now I know you can do thirty.”

Manager: “Mate, this is a charity shop.”

Customer: “Yeah, so let me give to charity. Better than nothing!”

Now, what this customer didn’t realise was that, as it was a Sunday, we were about to do a stock change with the bargain boxes. All the unsold items from the 50p box were going to be transferred to the 25p box to make way for new stock starting Monday. So, figuring might as well sell them for 30p each today when they’re going to be 25p each tomorrow, he says:

Manager: “Fine. Thirty.”

I’m not condoning my manager’s actions here, but I can see why he wouldn’t have much fight left in him after a long week and dealing with crappy customers.

Customer: “See?! Was that so hard?”

Manager: “Most people don’t haggle in a charity shop.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, smart people should. Always a good deal to be made!”

Manager: “So, just these three items?”

Customer: “Yeah.” *Needing the last word.* “You’re lucky I stopped at thirty, I bet I could have kept going.”

Manager: “How are you paying?”

Customer: *Not letting it go.* “A brain for business and a strong backbone. That’s what you need to be standing on my side of the counter.”

Manager: “Sir, are you—”

Customer: *In full swing.* “—you know what? I bet I could get it down cheaper! Give me all three for a pound!”

Manager: “Sir, I… wait, three for a pound?”

Customer: “Might as well keep going, eh? I know you can do this for me?”

Manager: *Trying to suppress a smile.* “Fine, but that’s the absolute lowest I can go.”

Customer: *Smirking, handing over a pound coin.* “See? This is what a brain for business can get you!”

Manager: *Failing at suppressing a smile.* “I’ll have to remember that.”

The customer walks out with his thirty-three-pence items, feeling victorious.

Me: *To my manager.* “What kind of big business hotshot feels the need to haggle in a charity shop?”

Manager: “The kind that can’t count to a hundred.”

Related:
Can They Haggle? No Or No?, Part 10
Can They Haggle? No Or No?, Part 9
Can They Haggle? No Or No?, Part 8
Can They Haggle? No Or No?, Part 7
Can They Haggle? No Or No?, Part 6

A customer in the charity shop where I volunteer wanted a bag for her purchase. We usually charge for a new one, but I offered her one from the pile we keep, which comes with the donations inside. 

She opened it up, stuck her head inside, and had a good sniff.

Customer: “I’m very fussy about my bags.”

Me: “Perhaps you would rather have one of our new ones? They are 10p.”

She took one look at the new bag and said:

Customer: “I’m not paying 10p for that!

She took the “unsmelly” one!

I’m on the till at a charity shop. I’m cashing out two women. One of them is gushing over these page corner bookmarks we sell.

Woman #1: “If you don’t stop, I’m gonna slap your t*t in a minute!”

Woman #2: *While cupping her chest.* “Which one?”

Woman #1: “I haven’t decided yet.”

Woman #2: *Walks out of the shop looking sad, and sits on a bench opposite the entrance.*

Woman #1: “Oh, and I’ll have this bookmark, please.”

She hands me the one [Woman #2] said she liked the most.

Me: “Oh, okay…”

Woman #1: “Look, she may be the most annoying person to ever walk the planet, but I’m the one who married her!”

She paid, left, and a few seconds later, I heard a squeal of excitement.