Change-ing Perceptions

, , , , | | Right | May 31, 2018

(I’m the customer, paying for a £1.49 pack of greetings cards. I hand my coins, £1 + 50p + 5p + 2p + 1p + 1p, to the cashier.)

Me: “Here’s £1.59.”

Another Customer: *in a tone that says, “You moron!”* “He said £1.49. Why are you giving him £1.59?”

Me: *answering factually, as if it were a genuine question* “He’ll give me 10p change. I’ll have fewer coins in my pocket, and he’ll have some change for other customers.”

Cashier: *handing me 10p* “I wish more customers were like you.”

A Childlike Understanding Of Manga

, , | Right | May 29, 2018

(My girlfriend and I are looking at some books in a well-known charity shop. We look in the children’s section for any graphic novels when we find some manga for a couple of popular adult series. We decide to let them know and take these to the cashier, as she is the only volunteer available at the time.)

Me: “Excuse me, but these books aren’t meant for children.”

Cashier: “Oh, it’s okay; they’re just comics.”

Girlfriend: “Madam.” *holding up first book* “This book has themes of graphic violence, including murder.” *holding second one up* “This one has themes of violence, not to mention incest.”

Cashier: *clearly confused* “But they’re comics?”

(My girlfriend opens up a page showing a man being literally ripped in two in much detail, followed by the age restriction on the back of each book. By this time her colleague has joined her and been quickly brought up to speed on what we were saying, and looks horrified at the shelves where children were looking. While heading over to check if there are any more, we can still hear the cashier.)

Cashier: “But… they’re comics?”

A Very Personal Emergency

, , , | Right | May 13, 2018

(I work in a tiny, independent, local charity shop in a small market town. Nearly all our customers live in the town and are regulars. Our manager also lives locally and has small children. On this day, she is at a school event for the afternoon and has left us volunteers in charge.)

Customer: “Who is your manager?”

Me: “[Manager].”

Customer: “I want to speak to her.”

Me: “I’m sorry; she’s not in this afternoon. She’ll be here tomorrow. Can I help with anything?”

Customer: “No, I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “Okay, I can take your number and she can ring you, or you can pop in any day later this week.”

Customer: “I want to speak to her now. Where is she?”

Me: “Er, she’s not here. All I can do is get her to call you, but it won’t be today.”

Customer: “Well, give me her phone number.”

Me: “I can give you the shop number, but she’s not here to answer it today. I’d be the one answering it.”

Customer: “Give me her number. She’s got a phone, hasn’t she?”

Me: “I can’t do that. I can only give out the shop number.”

Customer: *getting angry* “Why not?”

Me: *pause* “Because it’s her personal number for personal calls; anything shop-related comes through the shop. I can give you the shop number, or get her to call you tomorrow.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough! I want to speak to her now. You ring her! Ring her and tell her I want to speak to her!”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t. She’s not available this afternoon.”

Customer: *shouting* “WHAT IF THERE’S AN EMERGENCY?”

Me: “Um. Is this an emergency?”

Customer: “YES! YOU NEVER HAVE DECENT SHOES IN MY SIZE!”

So, You Want One That GIVES You Cancer?

, , , , | Right | April 12, 2018

(I started my shift a few hours ago but I have just started my shift on till cover this afternoon. It has been a long day, but I am still quite upbeat. I have a customer come to the till and do a normal transaction. We have an offer on tote bags, so I have to offer to every customer.)

Me: “That’s going to be [total].”

(I give our usual spiel, something along the lines of, “Can I offer you one of our tote bags today? Great prices.”)

Customer: “Oh, do your tote bags give you cancer?”

Me: “Uh… No.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. No, thank you.”

(I lost faith in humanity.)

Know Where You Can Stuff Those Cancer Pipes

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2018

(Due to the sheer volume of stock we have donated to our charity shop, only a small percentage of our bric-a-brac is on display. Customers know to ask us if they want something they can’t see.)

Older Gentleman: “Do you sell pipes?”

Me: “Pipes? Copper pipes? Wind pipes? Glass pipes?”

Older Gentleman: “Yes, pipes.” *mimes a smoking pipe*

Me: “Sir, we are a cancer charity; we will not sell anything to do with smoking.”

Older Gentleman: “Yes, that was a bit of a stupid question, wasn’t it?”

(I must admit it did make me giggle throughout the day.)

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