Kids Love To Wise-Crack

, , , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(I give activity sessions for young children at a small museum in Scotland. During one of the sessions, the children have to guess what a mystery object is — in this case, some tobacco leaves.)

Me: “So you’ve guessed it’s some leaves. Does anybody know what leaves these are? A clue is the smell.”

(The children look nonplussed, understandably.)

Me: “Well, it’s a good thing you don’t know what this is. You’re all a bit young to be allowed this. Any guesses?”

Child: “CRACK!”


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The Customer Has The Right To Be Wrong

, , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(I have finished my shift and am doing my shopping at the self-scan checkout, still in uniform.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me? The machine’s playing up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve actually finished. I can’t log on to the system after my shift, but I can call my colleague.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! If you’ve finished why are you still here at this checkout?”

Me: “I’m shopping, sir, like you are.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would you need to shop here?!”

Me: “I still need to eat, sir.”

Customer: “This is insane. What makes you think you have the right to eat?!”

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Fair Trade Waylaid

, , , , | Right | November 6, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, where is the tea?”

Me: “Right this way.”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Do you have any tea that isn’t fair trade? It’s more expensive!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I think you are missing the point.”

Customer: “It’s more expensive! That isn’t very fair to me!”


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The Holy Ghost

, , , , , , , | Right | November 4, 2010

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know why are there so many police and ambulances about?”

Me: “It’s for the Pope’s visit. He’s preaching in the Cathedral and then there’s a procession.”

Tourist: “But didn’t the Pope die years ago?”

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How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | November 4, 2010

(I find a young customer looking a little lost in the nature section.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book about killing birds.”

Me: “Killing birds?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need it for school.”

Me: “Do you mean To Kill a Mockingbird, by any chance?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s it! Do you have it?”

(I take him to the classics section and show him the book.)

Me: “You know, its not actually about killing birds.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s about social injustice in 1930’s America.”

Customer: “Oh. That doesn’t sound as much fun. Do you have any books about killing birds?”

Me: “I hope not.”

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