(I am an IT technician, and I occasionally get asked if I can lend laptops to other departments. If I have any to spare, I try and oblige in the short term, but this isn’t always possible, for example, if the new laptops we have in stock are already reserved for new employees starting the company soon, or for existing employees long overdue an upgrade. I have repeatedly asked my boss and our head of department if I can have some money from our budget to buy a couple of laptops to be kept as dedicated spares, a request that is always denied. One day I receive a laptop I have ordered for a lady in another department. She is a supervisor, and falls into the “long overdue an upgrade” category; her last laptop was about seven years old, and quite frankly I’m surprised she’s put up with it that long! I get her new machine ready, then phone her and arrange to call down later that day to swap it over for her. Soon afterward I get a phone call from a different user.)

User: “Hi, [My Name], this is [User] in [Department]. I need to borrow a laptop. I’m going to schools this week to work at careers events and I would like to have a laptop to take with me.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, [User] but I don’t have anything.”

User: “Really? You don’t have anything?”

Me: “No, I don’t. The only laptop I have is sitting in front of me but it’s already been allocated to [Manager]. She’s going to get it later today.”

User: “Well… I need a laptop!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything suitable. That is, unless you wanted to borrow one of the ones that we’re decommissioning, but I don’t recommend it.”

User: *getting angry now* “Well, what if I phoned [Head of Department] and asked him; would you be able to lend me a laptop, then?”

(Yeah, because he is going to reach into his a** and pull out a laptop for you.)

Me: “No, there’s no point in you doing that, because he’ll just ask me if we have any spares and I’ll have to tell him we don’t.”

User: “Well, that’s not very helpful.” *click*

(In the end, the user did borrow a laptop from one of the managers who was on holiday and wasn’t using it. At least one good thing did come out of it, though: when I told my boss and our head of department what had happened, they finally realised I was right about needing spares and relented. They bought three spare laptops and four spare PCs!)

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 24
Laptop Flop, Part 23
Laptop Flop, Part 22

(I am visiting a local shop known for being a cheap alternative to many other British supermarkets. Obviously, this type of shop is more popular among those who are on a lower budget for whatever reason, so it’s always very busy. The shop is also in a mall, so the security guards switch from shop to shop and are operated by a separate company. As I am waiting at the checkouts, the store alarm goes off and security approaches the middle-aged woman at the door. I think nothing of it until two minutes later when all h*** breaks loose.)

Lady: *shouting* “How dare you stop me?! And how dare you approach me?!” *points at the security guard, who is a black man*

(The security guard looks confused by this lady’s outburst and tries his best to explain that it’s his job to stop those leaving if the alarm goes off.)

Lady: “This won’t do! I have a 75-year-old mother waiting at home who needs me, and you’re holding me up! How dare you?! I demand to speak to your manager!”

(The manager is called and the security guard resumes his duties.)

Lady: “That man assaulted me, and is keeping me up on my shopping! How am I supposed to explain this to my 75-year-old mother at home?! It’s all his fault!” *gestures in the vague direction where the security guard left* “You shouldn’t let people of his kind work here. They’re all the same!”

Manager: *looks visibly upset at this woman’s vile outburst, but remains his best to keep calm* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s store policy to stop those who trigger the alarms, to check that all items were scanned. Sometimes you may have paid for it, but it fails to scan, and therefore will trigger the alarm. If you’d like to step this way, we can sort this all out!”

Lady: “No! I want an apology from that man. And not just any apology; it has to be a formal, handwritten apology! And I want it now!”

Manager: “Well, that may be, but you are making a scene at the moment, ma’am, and the man has done nothing wrong. He was doing his job.”

Lady: *shouting* “I’M NOT MAKING A SCENE! HE WAS THE ONE MAKING A SCENE! I DEMAND AN APOLOGY!”

Manager: “If you continue like this, I’ll have no choice but to call the police.”

Lady: “FINE! CALL THEM! THEN I’LL REPORT YOU FOR KEEPING ME FROM MY 75-YEAR OLD MOTHER! I WANT THAT MAN FIRED NOW!”

Manager: “He doesn’t work for our store! He works for the mall you’re in! He’s not my employee! I can’t fire him, or discipline him, or anything! All I can do is call the security team to come down!”

(I had to leave the store, as I’d checked out all my items, but I really hope the manager calmed that horrid lady down!)

(I am manning the checkout at a bookstore when a woman approaches me.)

Customer: “Hello. Could you show me where the e-books are?”

Me: “As in the readers?”

Customer: “No, the books.”

Me: “The books are electronic. They’re bought online and downloaded to an e-reader.”

Customer: “I know that! But I want to know where they are!”

Me: “Well, [Brand] books are available on [Website], as well as [Other Brand]. We sell vouchers for both of them, if that’s what you’re asking for?”

Customer: *looking at me like I’m stupid* “Can someone else help me? You don’t know.”

Colleague: “Yes, madam?”

Customer: “Where are your e-books?”

Colleague: “The readers are over there.”

Customer: *huffs* “Why can no one answer this simple question?! WHERE ARE THE E-BOOKS?!”

Me: “Madam, I’ve already told you, they’re bought online.”

Customer: “Then what is all this for?!” *gestures to the entire store*

Colleague: “Umm, we’re a bookstore. A… paper… bookstore.”

Customer: “Paper? No one reads on paper anymore! If you aren’t willing to help me, I’ll take my business elsewhere!” *walks out*

(We both look at each other.)

Colleague: “Well, that’s my first crazy for the day, and I only started fifteen minutes ago!”

(I work at an outdoor park that has a lot of rides for kids, including bouncy castles, carousels, and things like that. It’s term time, so we’re quiet, and it’s been raining heavily for the last day. My manager puts me on the bouncy castles, but gives me a bag of kid’s toys to make up while I’m down there. This is quite normal practice at times when it isn’t busy. The bouncy castles have signs on each end warning customers that they’re wet when it rains. I’m keeping an eye on them, but mainly concentrating on making up the toys since we restock heavily during quiet times. A man comes up to me with his daughter, quite well-spoken and dismissive. He’s wearing a membership wristband for the park.)

Man: “You could have told me the bouncy castles were wet! I sat on one, and I’m soaked now!”

Me: “Oh, I’m very sorry, sir. It has been raining for the last day or so, and unfortunately, they don’t dry out that fast. We warn you on the signs there—“ *points* “—and there—“ *points*

Man: “Well, I didn’t see them! I need to go home and change now!”

(He leaves. Maybe if I hadn’t been making up the toys I’d have noticed him and warned him, but he was fairly warned, and he’d only really got the leg of his jeans damp. Half an hour later I’m radioed up to the office by my manager.)

Manager: “[My Name], do you have your phone with you?”

(We get fired on the spot if we have our phones on us on duty, and so lockers are provided for staff.)

Me: “No. I can show you in my locker.”

Manager: “Yes, please. I’m sure you wouldn’t, but we have to check.”

(I open the locker for my manager, and sure enough, the phone is there.)

Manager: “Oh, thank goodness. I wouldn’t have wanted to let you go. It’s just we had this gentleman come up and say you hadn’t warned him about the bouncy castles being wet because you were hunched over on your phone, not paying attention.”

Me: “No, no, I was making up those toys as you asked.”

Manager: “Don’t worry; I believe you. He demanded we give him a free change of clothes from the gift shop. We do have signs down there warning it’s wet!”

Me: “That’s what I told him!”

(I went back to work, and I am still employed at the park to this day. But the man was a member, which means he likely visits a lot and knows the staff policy on phones. So, out of embarrassment over getting a bit wet, or some kind of wounded pride over being corrected by a younger man, he tried to get me sacked. The daughter he was with didn’t seem the slight bit discomfited, but if she was a bit older she might have been embarrassed for her dad.)

(I work for a small chain of stores for a big supermarket in England. I get to work at 5:30 am to open at 6:00 with my manager, and have been doing this for the past two weeks because of overtime. Every morning, at about 6:30, a ninety-year-old man comes in to collect two of the same papers and always makes the same joke about needing one for each eye. Today is different though because the papers are late so he ends up waiting in front of my till talking to me. I have to ask customers to come up to my till so I can serve them. He is showing me pictures of his wife before she died. I think it is sweet so I just leave him alone as I am working stock. He then looked very thoughtful for a moment and then looks up at me.)

Customer: “Do you know anything about erectile dysfunction?”

Me: “No, I don’t, sorry. That more like a thing to talk to your doctor about.”

Customer: “Well, I just can’t seem to get it up. My girlfriend doesn’t appreciate it.”

Me: “Yeah, but that is something to talk to a doctor about, not a shop worker; isn’t it?”

(After that the papers came in and he left. I didn’t want to do any morning shifts anymore.)