Always Right, Even With Other Customers

, , , | Right | April 3, 2008

(I’m a customer putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, and I realise I’ve forgotten one item. Half-way through loading my stuff onto the conveyor, I stop, and sprint across the store to pick up this item. As I get back, two little old ladies have put a separator immediately behind my groceries.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not quite finished. I forgot an item.”

Old Lady: “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve just put this here.” *points at the separator*

Me: “But I need more space for the rest of my groceries. Can you move your stuff back, please?”

Till Assistant: “‘Scuse me, love, he’s not finished.”

Old Lady: “I KNOW! I’VE JUST PUT THIS HERE!” *points at the separator*

Me & Till Assistant: “Huh?”

Old Lady: “Oh, never mind! We’ll go to another till! We can’t wait for HIM and HER to finish their rubbish!” *storms off*

(Seriously, WTF?)

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(Telepathic) Help Wanted, Part 2

, , | Right | March 29, 2008

Old Customer: “Do you have fixative?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not aware of a product by that name. What do you want it to do?”

Old Customer: “Get me someone else who knows the inventory!”

Coworker #2: “Sir, can I help you?”

Old Customer: “Yeah, I want some fixative.”

Coworker #2: “We don’t have a product by that name, but if you describe it, we can get it for you.”

Old Customer: “I buy fixative in here ALL THE TIME.”

Coworker #2: “What does the product look like?”

Old Customer: “This is ridiculous. You should know your inventory well enough to READ MY MIND!”

(Telepathic) Help Wanted

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Captain Obvious’ Evil Twin

, , , , | Right | March 20, 2008

(My coworker is approached at the till by a woman, somewhere in her 40s.)

Customer: “How long does your one-hour service take?”

(My coworker looks at me, and without missing a beat…)

Me: “A week.”

Customer: “Oh, nevermind then.” *walks off*

(The coworker and I look at each other and start to laugh.)

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I’ll Have Whatever He Had

, , | Right | March 6, 2008

(A VERY drunk WHITE guy comes in five minutes before closing time.)

White Guy: “F*** you! You’re not going to serve me are you?”

Me: “Nope, sorry, we’re just closing.”

White Guy: “Awww, go on, please… just a quick pint!”

Me: “No, we’re closing.”

White Guy: “F*** you, is it because I’m black?”

Me: “…Yes.”

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Effective Excuses, Vol. 1

, , | Right | February 28, 2008

(A female comes into the bar and asks to use the toilets.)

Me: “Sorry, toilets are for customer use only.”

Her: “I just started my period. If you don’t let me use the toilet, I’m going to bleed all over your floor.”

Me: “First door on the left.”

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