Driving While Supplemented

, , , | Legal | May 29, 2009

(While interviewing a man I have just stopped for drunk driving one night…)

Me: “How much did you have to drink?”

Man: “A bottle of wine and a scotch in four hours. I thought I was okay to drive.”

Me: “Are you taking any medication?”

Man: “Well, I just started taking those fish oil capsules.”

Me: “The Omega 3 ones?”

Man: “Yes, those ones.”

Me: “Those are supposed to make you smarter.”

Man: “Yes, they are.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure you can get your money back for them, then.”


Did you find this story using our Police roundup?

Click here to read the next story!

Click here to get back to the roundup!

1 Thumbs
4,404

Stupidity On Tap

, , , , , | Right | May 22, 2009

(I get a phone call at about 8:00 pm on a weeknight. The caller is a young man, and in the background I hear music and hysterical giggling.)

Caller: “What time do y’all close?”

Me: “9 o’clock tonight.”

Caller: “Oh, s***! Umm… okay, can you just ring me up for a keg with my credit card, and then leave it outside?”

Me: “…the keg?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “What? Why?!”

Me: “…for a variety of reasons.”

1 Thumbs
2,386

When In Rome (Or An Indian Restaurant)…

, , | Right | May 22, 2009

Me: “Did you enjoy your meal?”

Customer: “No, the madras was hot.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking, but madras is a hot dish.”

Customer: “No, no it’s not. Madras is a mild dish. It’s mild.”

Me: “Okay, but if I check with the chef, he’ll tell me we serve it as a hot dish.”

Customer: “What would he know? He’s Indian! What would he know about curry?”


This story is part of our India roundup!

Read the next India Roundup story!

Read the India roundup!

1 Thumbs
3,065

Octomom, The Early Years

, , , , | Right | May 13, 2009

(A middle-aged woman who doesn’t look too well comes up to my checkout.)

Me: “Hi! How are you today?”

Customer: “I think I’m in labour.”

Me: “Oh! Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?” *starts scanning her items*

Customer: “Nah, this is my third one. I won’t go to the hospital until I know it’s coming out.”

Me: “Oh. Um… all right.”

(I finish ringing her up and hand her her bags.)

Customer: “Yeah, it doesn’t hurt or anything. After the first one, you don’t really notice!” *takes her things and leaves*

1 Thumbs
1,944

Day Trippy

, , , | Right | May 12, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How many books of these stamps?”

(As I ask the customer this, “Yellow Submarine” by the Beatles begins playing on a nearby radio.)

Lady: “Oh, my gosh! I love this song!”

Me: “That’s great. Now, how many books of–”

Lady: *begins to dance towards the door*

Me: “Uh, okay, ma’am, don’t forget your–”

Lady: *dances out of post office, leaving her purse on the table and the rest of the customers confused*

1 Thumbs
3,637