Badly Signed

, , , , | Right | December 31, 2010

Me: “Good afternoon, you’re though to [Phone Company]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’m trying to work an application on my phone and it’s asking me for a star sign, but you guys haven’t given me one.”

Me: “We would not give you a star sign. Those are to do with the stars and when you were born.”

Customer: “I didn’t sign up for that!”

Me: “It’s not something to sign up for; it’s to do with the constellations around the date of your birth. For example, I am a Pisces.”

Customer: “What am I, then?”

(I check online using the date of birth on record.)

Me: “You are Aquarius, the water bearer.”

Customer: “Eh?”

Me: “Your zodiac is Aquarius.”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Never mind. You are an Aquarius.”

Customer: “So do I just put that into the phone then?”

Me: “Give it a try!”

Customer: “Will do! If I’m not an Aquarius, can I call back?”

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Not The Cream Of The Crop

, , , , | Right | December 30, 2010

Me: “Thanks for calling [Credit Card Company]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “I bought my crops on Farmville using your card. I forgot to water them and they’ve all died. Am I covered on purchase protection for that?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Caller: “I thought you’d be like that. Thanks anyway.” *click*


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Completely Self-Immersed

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2010

Swimmer: “Could you please close the doors? There’s a draft coming into the pool.”

Me: “Sure.”

(After closing the pool, a customer watching her child swim calls me over.)

Mother: “Could you please leave the doors open? I’m claustrophobic.”

Me: “Of course!”

(After opening the doors again, the swimmer talks to me.)

Swimmer: “Why are the doors open?”

Me: “A customer here is claustrophobic, and asked me to leave the doors open.”

Swimmer: *yelling angrily* “What’s more important, her claustrophobia, or my comfort?”

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Margarinelly Insane

, , , , , | Right | December 26, 2010

Old Lady: *shouting randomly* “Marge? Marge?”

Me: “Are you okay?”

Old Lady: *worriedly* “I can’t find Marge!”

Me: “I’ll see if I can find someone to help you.”

Old Lady: “Please don’t go. You must help me find Marge!”

Me: “Okay, what does she look like?”

Old Lady: “Who?”

Me: “Your friend Marge?”

Old Lady: “I’m looking for margarine. It should be next to the butter!”

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A Model Perspective

, , , , | Right | December 21, 2010

(A customer is visiting South Devon where there are a lot of tourist attractions including a very popular model village. He has just been on a tour and is now looking out over the town from a hillside.)

Customer: “You have a good view here. Is that the Model Village over there?”

Me: “No, sir. That is an example of perspective.”

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