(My sister just graduated from a medical school in the USA and is about to start her residency. Her husband is really proud of his wife being an MD, because both his family and ours are very much working-class, and none of our parents went to college. His parents didn’t even finish high school, and he is only one of his siblings to get a college degree. While he is professionally successful and makes good money, his wife’s academic success is a matter of great pride and joy for him. As a present to my sister, my brother-in-law books a two-week-long trip to Europe, where they will visit us and travel to a couple of other places. Apparently, he put “Dr. and Mr. [Last Name]” on all their reservations. My partner and I live in a tiny flat, so my sister and brother-in-law are going to stay at a hotel nearby. I pick them up at the airport and drive them to the hotel. The following interaction occurs, and I can hardly stop myself from laughing throughout it.)

Brother-In-Law: “Hello. We have a reservation for Doctor and Mr. [Last Name].”

Clerk: *looking at my brother-in-law* “Welcome to [Hotel], Doctor [Last Name]. We’ll need your passports and a credit card.”

Brother-In-Law: “Sure. But I am not the doctor.” *pointing to my sister* “She is.” *to my sister* “Honey, do you have our passports?”

Clerk: “Of course, Doctor [Last Name]. Will you be needing two keys for you and your wife?”

Sister: *handing the clerk the passports while my brother-in-law gets the credit card* “Actually, not that it matters, but I am Doctor [Last Name], and my husband is Mr. [Last Name]. Here are the passports.”

Clerk: “Thank you, Mrs. [Last Name].” *types in the info in the computer; then looks at my brother-in-law again and hands him the passports* “Here are your passports, Dr. [Last Name]. It’s a pleasure to have you stay with us. Breakfast is served from 6:30 to 9:30. Your room is on the second floor. The lifts are to your left.”

Sister: *looking at her husband* “And that is why I never want you to put ‘doctor’ on any forms for me ever again, sweetheart.”

(A few weeks ago we were hit by Hurricane Matthew, and a lot of people are calling to make sure it is safe for their upcoming visit. The damage was fairly minimal and cleanup lasted only a few days, but of course news stations are hyping it up for ratings, so a lot of people don’t believe us when we say the city is fine. After dozens of calls repeating the same spiel over and over, I decide to have a little fun with people.)

Caller: *in a very thick southern accent* “Hi, this is [Caller] and I’m calling from Texas. We saw about the hurricane on the news and as we’re visiting your city in a few weeks I just wanted to call and make sure everything was all right for our visit.”

Me: “Unfortunately, we’re still under eight feet of water. I actually had to swim into the office today. On the bright side, we don’t have to worry about traffic!”

(She is silent for a moment, and I’m afraid I may have offended her, but then she bursts out laughing.)

Caller: “You are a Texas joker! You’re funny; you would fit in just fine down here, darling.'”

(She asked me a few more questions about her stay and then concluded the call. The whole situation was incredibly stressful, but that call made my week!)

(I work in the jewelry department of a well-known retailer.)

Me: “Hello! Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah, we’re looking for cheap watches to take with us on a cruise. Our phones won’t work on the cruise.”

Me: “Oh! You may not be able to call out but you’ll be able to still use it for the time and alarms.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid* “Umm, no. The phone will not work at all. It won’t be able to even turn on while on the cruise. It’ll be outside its coverage area. They told me that.”

Me: “Well. Okay.”

(I work in a city centre bar, and this takes places on a busy Saturday night. Three Irish guys have ordered a round, and all the card machines stop working whilst one of them is trying to pay.)

Me: “I’m really sorry, but none of the card machines are working. Have you got any cash to pay with?”

(All of them shake their heads no.)

Customer #1: “So there’s something wrong with my card?”

Me: “No, it’s something on our end. None of the machines are working at the moment. Sorry. Let me just go grab my manager to see what I should do.”

(I run into the back to speak to my manager, who tells me to let them have the drinks for free because the fault is on our end. I go tell them this, and carry on serving other people. A few minutes later they attract my attention.)

Customer #2: “Hi, can we have three gin and tonics, please?”

Me: *slightly confused* “Our card machines still aren’t working, sorry, so, if you haven’t got any cash…”

Customer #2: ”I’ve got cash.”

Me: *more confused* “You’ve got cash?”

Customer #2: “Yeah.”

Customer #3: “Why don’t you believe him?”

(In my head: because you said none of you had cash fifteen minutes ago.)

Me: “Oh, I just have to check because the card machines are down. So that’s three double gin and tonics, yeah?”

(I make their drinks, give them to them, then ring it up on the till.)

Me: “That’ll be [amount], please.”

([Customer #2] hands me a note, and when I look I see that it’s a Euro note — currency used in Southern Ireland and some other countries in Europe, but not in the UK. Thinking it’s a genuine mistake I go to give it back to them.)

Me: “Sorry, it looks like you’ve accidentally given me Euros.”

Customer #2: “So?”

Me: “Well, we can’t accept Euros as a method of payment.”

Customer #2: “Yes, you can. You have to.”

Me: “Sorry, but I don’t. We can’t accept Euros.”

Customer #2: “Yeah, but we’re Irish.”

Me: *speechless for a second* “But we’re not. We cannot accept Euros. You need to pay me in pounds.”

Customer #2: “But we’re Irish!”

Me: “That doesn’t make any difference. We can’t accept Euros.”

Customer #2: “But this is the only cash I’ve got!”

(I stare at them for a second, and then ask for their drinks back since they can’t pay for them. The worst part was that they seemed genuinely confused that I couldn’t accept foreign currency. I went in the back and sat down for five minutes after that.)

(My brother and I are around 20 years old, and we go on a holiday in China together. Due to our parents’ concern about our lack of language skills, we book a guided tour, but on our very first evening in Beijing, we have time to explore the city by ourselves. We take a tram to the city center and have a nice evening, and everything goes well until we get back to the station near our hotel. Then, we get lost. Keep in mind that it is already around 10:30 pm when this all happens. The station is quite large and has several exits on different streets, and even though we have a map, we can’t figure out in which direction our hotel is. Luckily, we spot a police station on the other side of the street and go there to ask for directions.)

Me: “Excuse me, we got lost. This—” *points on map* “—is our hotel. Which direction is it?”

(The two policemen shrug and answer something in Chinese. I figure they don’t speak English, so I try to explain our problem through gestures and with some more pointing. They study the map for some time, talk among themselves and ask us some things, to which I always have to answer, “Sorry, I don’t understand.” This goes on for some minutes, and then one of the policemen goes outside. The other one shows us to some seats and offers us cookies. Then, the policeman outside starts shouting something. At least twenty passers-by from the — not very crowded — street start gathering around him and he leads them inside. A young man starts talking to me in English.)

Young Man #1: “Hey! How can we help you?”

Me: “Hi! We need to get to our hotel, but we got lost!”

Young Man #1: “Which hotel is it? Do you have an address?”

Me: *taking out the map again* “It’s right here—” *points* “—and this is the tram station out there—” *points* “—but we can’t read the street signs and don’t know which direction it is.”

(The young man starts talking to the group in Chinese again. Some people leave.)

Young Man #2: “Don’t worry; we’ll figure this out. We’re trying to find the best solution to get you to your hotel.”

(After some more minutes:)

Young Man #1: “So, this guy—” *he points at an elderly Chinese man with a hat* “—knows the way, but it’s a bit complicated from here. We don’t want you to get lost again, so he’ll walk you there. He can’t speak English; just follow him. Have a good time in China!”

(With that, the rest of the crowd dissipated, everyone smiling and waving at us, except for the man with the hat. He gestured at us to follow him, which we did. What followed was an at least fifteen-minute walk through Beijing, until we could see our hotel at the next crossroads. The man pointed at it and waved at us. We waved, too, took some bows, and thanked him in English. He smiled and started leaving. To this day, I am still amazed by how many people went out of their way to help some lost tourists and the kindness they showed us. Now, whenever I travel abroad, I make sure to at least be able to say “thank you” in the respective country’s language.)