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Gullible’s Travels

, , , | Right | June 11, 2008

(I worked at a candy store in an area with a high population of tourists. We have a DVD constantly playing that shows them how the candy is made, obviously pre-recorded.)

Tourist Lady: “Ooh, is that the actual factory?”

Boss: “Actually, it’s a live satellite feed. They’re making that candy right now.”

Tourist Lady: “Fancy!”

(This is a DVD movie with edits and transitions, clearly playing on a Samsung DVD player. Oh, tourists, how I loathe thee.)


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Cancun, Oahu, Same Difference

, , , , , , | Right | June 5, 2008

(Standing in line behind a tourist, while she is getting rung up.)

Cashier: “Aloha, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t speak Spanish. Could you talk in English, please?”

Cashier: “Hello, how are you today?”

Tourist: “Fine. We just flew here from America today.”

(The cashier rings up the tourist’s few items.)

Cashier: “That will be twenty-five dollars and eighty-five cents.”

Tourist: “Do you take American money here? I only have American money. I have not been able to get to the currency exchange yet.”

Cashier: “Ma’am, we are in the United States. We take dollars here.”

Tourist: “Oh, really? You take this money?” *holds up her $20 bill*

Cashier: “Yes, ma’am. Those are dollars, and being a US state we do accept those.”

Tourist: “Well that’s very nice of you to accept foreign money.”

Cashier: *puzzled* “Mahalo. Have a great day!”

Tourist: *under her breath* “I told her I didn’t speak Spanish!”

Must Be From The Valley

, , , , , | Right | May 1, 2008

(Let it be known that there are only two ways to get to Catalina Island: by boat or by helicopter.)

Me: “[Hotel]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to make a reservation. And when’s the earliest we can check in?”

Me: “Normally not until noon but we may be able to make an exception. When is your boat scheduled to arrive?”

Customer: “Oh, no, we’re not coming by boat.”

Me: “Okay, helicopter, then?”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s silly.”

Me: “Well, may I ask how your planning to get here?”

Customer: “Down the 405, duh!”

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t drive to Catalina Island.”

Customer: “You can’t?”

Me: “No, it’s an island. You know, surrounded by water.”

Customer: “Catalina Island is an ISLAND?!”

Me: *headdesk*


This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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Virgin Galactic, Eat Your Heart Out

, , , , | Right | April 18, 2008

(I’m a flight attendant doing my pre-takeoff check-in the cabin. A man stops me and gestures to the small digital camera sitting in the seat next to him.)

Passenger: “Is it okay if my camera is here for the flight?”

Me: “Sure, sir. That will be fine.”

Passenger: “But shouldn’t I put it in the overhead bin?”

Me: “It should be fine there, but if you’re worried about it falling on the floor during landing you could put it in the overhead bin.”

Passenger: “But after takeoff, won’t it start floating around the cabin?”

Me: “Well, sir, just hold on to it. Once we slingshot around the moon, it will be fine.”

Bird Brained, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 13, 2008

(I had just finished giving a 45-minute tour about a certain “mysterious” spot that causes people to supposedly feel dizzy and stand at strange angles.)

Tourist: “So do the birds feel the effects of the mystery?”

Me: “Well they don’t appear to fly funny, but it’s possible.”

Tourist: “…but do they FEEL the effects?”

Me: “Well, I don’t really know because I can’t exactly ask them how they feel. They are birds.”

Tourist: “I just wanna know if they feel the effects!”

Me: “Hold on, I’ll go ask them.” *walks away*