Slush With Excuses

, , , , , | Right | October 11, 2019

(I work in a cinema. At the end of the night, we put the automatic doors on exit-only thirty minutes after the last film begins so we can start closing down, cashing up, and cleaning. I’m an hour into my cleaning when I spot a guy walking towards the doors, and I elect to ignore him, as I hope he will notice the doors won’t open and go away. Instead, he begins to bang on the doors. I walk over to activate the automatic door function.)

Customer: “Thanks.” *starts walking towards the till*

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed now.”

Customer: “Closed? What do you mean, closed? I wanted a slushie!”

Me: “We’re closed for the night; that’s why you couldn’t get through the doors.”

Customer: *sighs heavily* “But I came all the way here for a slushie.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’ve been closed for an hour now. I can’t sell you a slush. There are no tills and the machines have been cleaned.”

Customer: “Well… it’s an awful long way to drive for a slush and not get one.”

Me: “Well… it’s an awful long time spent cleaning and cashing tills up to undo it all for a drink.”

(He left.)

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Skirting Over The Denim Issue

, , , , , | Working | August 14, 2019

(I work in an office. We get a lot of people for whom this is a first job. I train our new starters. I have my script down pat after many years of saying the same things. There are lots of things I have to cover that seem like I shouldn’t have to say, but if someone has ever done it before, I have to cover it. Amongst them is the dress code:)

Me: “No denim, jeans, or anything that looks like or is styled after denim or jeans. This includes jeans, denim jackets, denim shirts, denim waistcoats, jeggings, clothes made of material designed to look like denim that isn’t actually denim, jean-cut trousers, chinos, or anything else that gives the appearance of jeans or denim in any way.”

(You’d think this is pretty clear, right? Today, one of our newer staff members turned up in a denim mini-skirt. Her excuse?)

New Staff: “You did say that, but I didn’t think this would count. You didn’t mention anything about denim skirts!”

(That, of course, also ignored that fact that the dress code training also included “full-length trousers with socks, or skirt to at least the knee with tights.”)

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These Are Dark Times…

, , , , | Right | July 15, 2019

(I’m at a milkshake bar with a friend. The server finishes making an order before mine and shouts for it to be collected.)

Server: “A white chocolate and a dark chocolate milkshake!”

(A customer approaches the counter and stares at the two milkshakes, one very white and one very brown.)

Customer: “So, which one is the dark chocolate again?

Server: *stares* “You know what? I don’t remember.” *turns away*

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Failing The First Test

, , , , , | Right | July 4, 2019

(A customer walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, what can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to sell this phone for cash.”

Me: “Okay. Let’s get you the price and then book it in to be tested.”

(Moments pass during said process.)

Me: “All right, I just need to get a time from my tester, and then you can come back to pick this up in a little while. I just need you to sign this consent form…”

(The customer signs it and then waits.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with? You’re free to go now.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m waiting for my money.”

Me: “We can only give you that after your phone passes all of the tests.”

Customer: “But it works. Can I not just have the money now, and I’ll come and sign the agreement later?”

Me: “But we don’t know that your phone does everything that it’s supposed to.”

Customer: “It does, though. Why would I lie?”

Me: “…”

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Unfiltered Story #154723

, , , | Unfiltered | June 11, 2019

(At my store, like most, we have impulse buys at our registers: lotions, candy, small toys, etc. Among these items are individually wrapped caramels.)

Customer: What’s this?
Me: Caramel.
Customer: Chocolate?
Me: No… It’s caramel.