They Need A Brain Massage

, , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(I work as a receptionist in a spa in an airport, so the majority of our appointments are walk-ins. We schedule times in five-minute increments so it’s easier for everyone, and we always give our massage therapists at least five minutes between each appointment so they can get ready for the next. A client walks in to ask about our next available time.)

Client: “I’m looking for a twenty-minute massage. What’s your next availability?”

Me: “My next available time is 4:35.”

Client: “Well, which one is it?”

Me: *gives a clearly confused look* “4… 35?”

Client: “Which one is it? 4:30 or 5? You need to be more clear.”

Me: *tries so hard not to face-palm* “The time is 4:35. Five minutes after 4:30.”

Client: “Well, why didn’t you say that the first time?”

(All my coworkers on shift and I had a good laugh about this. Why she would think I would give her a very vague appointment time is beyond me. When you go to the doctor, they don’t give you a two-hour window!)

It’s Time They Accepted How Obnoxious They Are

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2019

(This conversation happens at our till point.)

Customer: “I’ll just try these on; do you have the time?”

Volunteer: *glancing at digital display on till* “It’s ten forty-seven.”

Customer: *silent and expectant*

Volunteer: *thinking the customer hadn’t heard* “Ten forty-seven.”

Customer: “Oh, I heard; I just wanted it in English. Ten to eleven, then.” *trots off to try on garment, leaving my volunteer gaping*

They Are Looking To Browse, Specifically

, , , , , | Right | February 7, 2019

(It’s about three minutes before I close. I notice a group of people hovering outside the — unlocked — door, peering in through the glass. When they see me they gesture emphatically, so I approach.)

Me: *opening door* “Hi?”

Customer: “Hi! Are you closed?”

Me: “In about two minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, good, we can come in for two minutes.”

Me: “Uh, sure. Are you looking for a specific item? Maybe I can help?”

Customer: “Oh, no, we’re just browsing!”

Me: “Okay, well, I am going to be starting on closing procedures in a few minutes here.”

Customer: “Of course. Don’t mind us!”

(They were there for fifteen minutes.)

Give It Time… Because They Won’t

, , , | Right | January 30, 2019

(I work at a mall that tends to draw a lot of tourists. Two women come in towards the end of the business day and spend their time complaining about the prices, trying to get discounts on items that aren’t on discount — “Well, we’re from out of town!” — and generally acting like the kind of people who make retail workers drink competitively. They cap off their visit with the following exchange:)

Customer #1: “I can’t believe how early this place closes!”

(The building closes after nine pm during the week.)

Customer #2: “I know, right?!” *to me* “I mean, I know you people want to get home and all, but come on! What have you got to do that’s so important?”

Famous Last Words

, , , , , | Working | January 29, 2019

(This is a text conversation with my boss after a picky client has pushed their session two hours over its scheduled end.)

Boss: “‘We might be done early,’ is almost always code for, ‘We won’t be done early.’”

Me: “It’s the freelance equivalent of, ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’”

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