May We Suggest An Anger Management Survey?

, , , | Right | November 23, 2020

I work at a call center for opinion polling. The survey today lasted about five to ten minutes, depending how fast we ask and the pollee answers.

Me: “I’m calling for a small survey; it shouldn‘t take longer than ten minutes.”

Pollee: “Okay, that‘s fine. I‘m glad to help.”

The first few questions are about politics and the pollee answers very excessively. I only ask about seven questions and it takes nearly nine minutes. Even in this time, he asks about the remaining time several times and I tell him to stick to my answers for a faster end.

Pollee: “So now we are at ten minutes, so we’re finished, right?”

Me: “No, sir. I’m afraid we’re not nearly halfway through.”

Pollee: “But you said it’s not more than ten minutes!”

Me: “Yes, but only if you answer my questions directly. Your answers are pretty long, so we will need longer for the survey.”

Pollee: “But you said it’s only ten minutes! I’m not doing that survey if it lasts longer than the promised ten minutes!”

Me: “Sir, please calm down. I said it’s ten minutes, but not if you tell a story to answer every question. If you stick to my answers, we can end this in no more than five more minutes.”

Pollee: “Five more? I already lost ten minutes to you! I’m not gonna do this. I’m ending this now!” 

I heard him putting the phone down, but it was not completely hung up. He screamed to his wife about me, asking how I dared to lie to him. I hung up my phone and continued my work.

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The Innovation Of The Future: Micro-timezones

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 11, 2020

I’m playing a game online with a guy from California who I met in the game.

Me: “I’m going to hop off after this game; it’s getting late.”

Teammate: “Oh, what time is it where you’re from?”

Me: “I’m from Vancouver; it’s 5:00 am.”

It is 4:52 am, but I rounded it.

Teammate: “Wow, you’re only eight minutes ahead of me.”

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It Can All Change In Five Minutes

, , , , , | Learning | CREDIT: georgilm | October 30, 2020

I have severe major depression and a sister who is not good at getting organised/ready to leave on time.

We have a teacher at my school who I’ve always despised. He has an unspoken rule that he will lock students out of the class for five-ten minutes further when they are late.

I am five minutes late to his class (first period – 8:45 am) due to my sister throwing a tantrum. I knock on the door, and:

Teacher: “Was the bus late?”

Apparently, this is his only valid excuse for running late to class.

Me: “No, but…”

Teacher: “You can’t come in.”

He shuts the door in my face.

After bursting into tears, I decided that his unspoken rule of being left outside the classroom for five minutes when one attended late never actually stated one was required to wait outside the door to enter the room when he deigned to let the student in. 

So I wander off to the library to find something interesting to read.

Apparently, after he opened the door and found me missing, the school had to call my parents and explain they’d misplaced me and why. I was eventually ‘found’ and the teacher had the nerve to ask – in front of my parents and the principal:

Teacher: “Why didn’t you tell me the reason you were late?”

Me: “Because you didn’t let me say so.”

Teacher: “Why didn’t you wait outside the door?”

Me: “Because you didn’t say so, and I wasn’t going to waste valuable learning time that my parents pay for standing and staring at a door.”

My parents ripped them a new one, and the teacher didn’t lock anyone out of his classroom for at least the next seven years (so my younger brother tells me). 

It gave me great pleasure to get one up on such a hard-headed, infuriating teacher.

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Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind, And Out Of Patience

, , , , | Working | October 26, 2020

My sister and I arrive two hours early for our theater show, and we decide we have time for a nice dinner before the show. We walk to a sports bar/cafe that does a full dinner menu about a block away and tell the hostess that we are there for dinner.

Hostess: “There is about a fifteen-minute wait for tables. Is that okay?”

Me: “Sure, that’s fine.”

We settle in to wait, and about ten minutes later they seat us in an area they don’t normally use for dinner. They seat another couple nearby, as well.

No one comes by to take our orders, not even just the drink orders. Fifteen minutes after we have been seated, with no luck flagging down a server, I get up and try to grab who I think is the floor manager, but as soon as he sees someone approaching, he runs away to the kitchen. We resume trying to flag down a server to find out who is supposed to be covering our section, but they are all “too busy” to bother with a table that isn’t theirs.

By the time we’ve been sitting there for a half-hour without even a glass of water, I’m just done. We’re approaching the point where, if our orders aren’t in the kitchen, we won’t get our food in time to make our show. 

We decide to leave, and I stop to talk to the hostess on the way out.

Me: “Look. We’ve been sitting where you put us for a half-hour and no one has even come by to take our drink orders. We’re just going to leave and go somewhere else. Someone needs to check in with the other couple, too.”

Hostess: “Wait. You can’t leave without ordering once you’ve been seated; it will throw off our numbers on the computer.”

Me: “Not my problem.”

And with that, we left, went around the corner to a quick-serve place, and managed to make it to our show on time. This was the final straw — they had also recently changed the menu and the new offerings were less to our taste than the old ones — and we haven’t been back since.

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Can We Get A Refill On Your Brain Prescription?

, , , , | Working | October 26, 2020

I drop off a prescription at my pharmacy. Instead of giving me a number, they’re slow enough to tell me I can just queue up again after twenty minutes and it’ll be ready. I give it thirty, and when I get back in line they have several customers ahead of me who all have difficult problems, meaning by now they certainly have had enough time to fill it. Finally, it’s my turn.

Me: “Hi, I’m picking up a prescription.”

I give the relevant information.

Employee: “Okay, let me look that up… It says you don’t have any refills left.”

Me: “Uh, yeah, that’s true. I brought in a new prescription.”

Employee: “What was the last name again?”

Me: “[My Last Name].”

Employee: “First name?”

Me: “[My First Name].”

Employee: “Picking up [medication]?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Employee: “You don’t have any refills left. See?”

She shows me the computer screen, which indeed is telling me I have no refills left.

Me: “I know I don’t have any refills left. That’s why I went to my doctor and had my doctor write me a new prescription, and then I brought that prescription here to be filled.”

Employee: “You brought in a new prescription? When?”

Me: “About… forty, maybe forty-five minutes ago at this point.”

Employee: “Who’d you give it to?”

Me: “Uh… Whoever was at the drop-off counter; I don’t really remember who it was.”

The employee leaves for another five minutes and finds my prescription.

Employee: “Okay, we found it.”

Me: “Great.”

Employee: “It’ll be twenty minutes before it’s ready.”

Me: “Of course it will.”

Fortunately, this time, they actually filled it.

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