Groceries Consumed Before Checkout Are Not Free!

, , , | Right | November 29, 2018

(I’m working at the register. This customer is next in line. Among his groceries is an empty jar of yoghurt. I look at the customer.)

Customer: “I ate it in the store.”

Me: “That’s not the way you should do it, sir. You have to pay for it first.”

Customer: “Oh, you can me charge for it, of course.”

(I have a look of bewilderment on my face.)

Me: “Ohhhh, I intended to do that, sir.”

Unfiltered Story #127605

, , | Unfiltered | November 24, 2018

[My friends and I are visiting Belgium from the UK and have stopped in a cafe. After deciding what we want, the waiter comes over.]

Friend: [in Flemish] Do you speak English?

Waiter: [in English] Yes, I do.

[We all place our orders in English and the waiter heads off. Later, he returns with our food.]

Waiter: [in English] Whereabouts in Germany are you from?

Us: Oh, no, we’re not German, we’re English.

Waiter: Oh. [laughs] Sorry. I thought you were German. Usually when we get English people in here they just shout at us loudly in English.

Friend: [smiles] We’re not like that.

Waiter: The Germans usually ask if we speak English. Odd. Enjoy your meals.

[And we did!]

Interviews Work Both Ways

, , , , , | Working | October 30, 2018

(I have a job interview at 10:00 am in a call center. I’m there at 9:50 am, and when I enter the building, I realise I’m immediately in the working area. I find this odd but don’t think much about it since it’s a small company. It takes about five minutes before somebody gets off the phone long enough to talk to me, as there’s no reception desk. I say who I am and why I’m there. It takes about five more minutes before they can call the person who I have an appointment with. They tell me to wait a little bit further, at something I could call a bar, with no chairs, nowhere to sit, about two meters from the desks they’re working, right next to a staircase. I stand there waiting, and see the time going by. At 10:30, still nobody has come to get me. It’s impossible to ask anybody, since they’re all on the phone constantly. I keep waiting, and finally, at 11:30, the boss comes halfway down the stairs and just says:)

Boss: “Yeah, you can come up.”

(I go to his office, where he has already sat down at his desk. All he says to me is:)

Boss: “Okay, sit down. I have a lot of work to do, so I will take the interview while answering emails and phone calls.”

(The whole conversation is him basically repeating what was in the job offer on the Internet, and asking me a few questions to which he would have known the answers if he had read my resume. He doesn’t even listen to my answers, since he’s busy with his email, and keeps answering phone calls, interrupting me all the time. I can’t even ask questions myself, since he’s just not listening. After about twenty minutes of this, he finishes with this gem.)

Boss: “Okay, well, I told you everything I can think about, so just think about the job and call me in a day or two to tell me if you’re still interested.”

(I’m seriously annoyed by his rude attitude and decide I absolutely don’t want the job.)

Me: “Look. I won’t call you back. Just write down somewhere that I’m not a candidate for this job anymore. I’m not planning on working for somebody who can’t even plan his day, since you had to take calls and answer emails while you were having an interview. You didn’t even bother to read my resume, and didn’t even listen to my answers to your questions, or answer mine. I will also not work for somebody who thinks it’s okay to be an hour and a half late, and not even apologise for it. I deserve a little bit more respect than that. And you’re not even able to make a decision yourself, since I have to call you back to tell you if I’ll take the job or not. Sorry, not going to happen. Bye. I know the way out.”

(I didn’t wait for him to react; I just left. Note to employers: when you’re having an interview with a candidate, you might be judging them, but the candidate judges you, as well. If you treat a candidate like a piece of dirt, don’t expect them to want to work for you.)

Porn And Handsome Men = Microsoft Outlook

, , , , , | Learning | October 18, 2018

(It is the dawn of computer usage in the service industry, before 2000. Personal computers are not brand new, but new enough for the European Community to grant budgets for teaching “new technology” to workless young adults. With ten years experience in a technology nobody is taking seriously at the time, I become an IT teacher for evening courses and job-oriented trainings. I am currently in a training center for jobless women. Everybody but me is female, so I sometimes have problems with credibility. During an “IT communication” — Outlook and Internet — lecture, it takes me ten minutes flat to determine that they will not listen to a word from a course about configuration and parameters in a browser. Overhearing their babbling, an idea crosses my mind.)

Me: “Now, class, the part you have been waiting for!”

Class: *inattentive* “Huh, whatever.”

Me: “I have named it, ‘How to know that your boyfriend is watching porn on the Internet.’”

(Suddenly, the whole class looks at me as if I am a rockstar, drinking in every word, asking really smart technical questions. Two hours later, they know all about cookies, temp files, the erasing of bookmarks, and confronting timestamps. I have to take up the Client-Server architecture and DNS protocol to answer to some savvy questions. I can’t do the same trick twice, obviously, so the Outlook course promises to go sour. Once again, their babbling gives me the key to teach about Message Rules Strategy.)

Me: “Now that you have all the cards in hand, here is a little exercise.”

Class: “Sir, we don’t understand anything. Why do we have to bother at all?”

Me: “I am sure that you are brighter than you think. Let’s say you have met a handsome guy…”

(The class pays attention.)

Me: “You don’t want to show him that you are interested in him. So, when you are receiving an email from him, your Outlook will send an auto-reply stating to not bother you and kick his message to the garbage. You don’t wish someone to find his message on your PC, do you? But you want the advice of your best friend, so you transfer all his messages automatically to her. I’ll let you try until the break.”

(Most of them jumped on their mouses and clicked frantically. Some ran from screen to screen to see who had a good solution, screaming clues and advice at each other. One even ran to the library to borrow a Microsoft book. They didn’t stop at the break, and hushed me when I tried to give hints. All the solutions that they found by themselves were far more sophisticated than anything I could have hoped to show them. Years after, I met some of them. They had been hired as secretaries but became IT specialists, webmasters, or network technicians.)

It’s Not A Resident Problem

, , , , , | Healthy | September 24, 2018

(Our nursing home has a group of volunteers that often help the nurses during meals and do most of the activities with the residents. This sometimes causes visitors to try to get the volunteers to do things they aren’t allowed to, or things even nurses aren’t allowed to do, such as giving medication at inappropriate times or giving extra medication when residents go on holidays with the family. I exit the elevator and hear an argument.)

Visitor: “I don’t see what the problem is. I want to take my mother to [Local Restaurant], but I need her medication. Now go get them.”

Volunteer: “Ma’am, I’d love to, but I can’t. I don’t know which medication your mother needs nor the exact dosage; you’ll have to speak to a nurse about that.”

Visitor: “You are a nurse. You work here. Stop being lazy and go get my mother’s pills!”

Volunteer: *notices me and points at me* “I’m not a nurse, but [My Name] is. If you ask her, she can check which medication your mother needs and give it to you.”

Visitor: “If you’re not a nurse then why are you in my mother’s room?”

Volunteer: “I was picking her up to go to the dining room; neither of us were aware you were going to come and pick her up. Since [My Name] is here, she can help you with the medication. I’ll go and take other residents to the dining room.”

(At this point the resident opens her door.)

Visitor: “You stop right there. I demand you do your job and get me those pills, and then go get your manager or whatever so I can complain about you!”

(Before anyone can say or do a thing, the mother speaks up:)

Resident: “G**d*** it, can you not embarrass me for once? First off, I don’t need medication during lunch! Second of all, we agreed to go out for lunch tomorrow. And third of all, if you don’t apologize to [Volunteer] right now, I’ll go out for lunch with her instead of you!”

(The visitor just mumbles and checks her phone, then runs away after yelling, “I’m sorry.”)

Resident: *to the volunteer* “You’re free tomorrow?”

Volunteer: “I am.”

Resident: “Good. If you want, pick me up at 11:00 and we’ll go to [Local Restaurant].”

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