A Woman’s Place Is Anywhere She D*** Well Wants

, , , , , | | Legal | July 12, 2019

(It’s very hot and late at night, and I’m trying to find cool air on the terrace. My very loud, thick, stupid, and rough neighbour is on his terrace and he’s so loud I cannot help but overhear what he’s complaining about.)

Neighbour: “Yeah, dat girl cop stops me and she wants to control things and all, and I tell her, ‘Nah, stop pissing me off, get back to the kitchen, do some cooking, clean up, leave me alone.’ And then she writes me down, the b****. And ya know what? I’m even scheduled to go to court! Just because I told her to go do women stuff! Life’s a b****!”

When The Faceless Men Take Over The Store

, , | | Right | July 8, 2019

(I am working the till at our Bio-chain. I am in training for another store, which will open up in about two months. About two-thirds of the new staff is in this store, in training. A customer approaches my till. I wish him a good afternoon and start scanning his items, when suddenly:)

Customer: “You know what you should tell your bosses? Tell your bosses that I am not amused. There are too many new faces working here!”

Me: *startled, but trying to remain cheerful* “Well, that’s because we are all in training here for the new store in [Location #3].”

Customer: “There are too many new faces; tell your bosses! Why are there so many new faces? Is there such a big rollover in this company?”

Me: “Well, because this store has such a good reputation, they get to train a lot of the recruits. They trained the people for [Location #1], then the people for [Location #2], and now they’re training us.”

Customer: “Well, there’s still too many new faces, so tell your bosses!”

Me: *gives up* “When our new store opens in two months, us new faces won’t trouble you again.”

Customer: *angry* “That’s not what I meant at all!” *storms out*

(Later, I told my boss about this. She was utterly confused as to what the customer’s problem was, too, or what we were supposed to do about it.)

Training Her Mind With Sudokus

, , , | | Related | June 15, 2019

(I am making a day trip with my teenage niece. To keep her busy on the train, I bought a book with sudokus for beginners. Keep in mind that she doesn’t believe in herself and thinks she is bad at maths.)

Me: “Here you go.”

Niece: “Sudoku? Isn’t that difficult?”

Me: “Not really. And these are super easy.”

(I explain how sudokus work and she starts. She completes the grid in no time and with ease as if she is writing a letter. She completes a second and third one in under a minute, sighs, turns the book to the last sudoku and completes that one in record time, as well.)

Niece: “Auntie, this is too easy.”

Me: “So I see. You know what? I’ll buy you a new one for the ride home.”

(True to my word, I bought one that was one level under “expert,” and she happily worked herself through them. Those took a bit more time to be solved. I finished the super easy ones.)

A Vicious Bi-Cycle

, , , , , | | Working | June 13, 2019

(I’m a regular at my bike repair shop since I bought mine from them about a year ago and it’s had its share of problems. This takes place as I’m bringing it in for scheduled maintenance.)

Employee: “Has he been behaving lately? Any problems, complaints?”

Me: “No, he’s very well behaved. He even plays nice with the other bicycles.”

Employee: “Strange, our bikes are bred to be more aggressive for [Suburb the shop is located in, known for its eccentric population].”

Me: “That’s all right; I don’t live here. I live in [Suburb known as a bit of a ghetto].”

Employee: “Yeah, that’s where our bikes usually end up, one way or the other.”

Nailed It!

, , | | Right | June 10, 2019

(I’m working in a store that sells sewing and knitting supplies. A man is standing by the pins and needles, looking a bit lost, so I go over and ask if he needs help.)

Customer: “I need something like these—“ *holds up a box of pins* “—but a bit longer and thicker. They need to be sturdier so I can hammer them in.”

Me: “You mean… like a nail.”

(The customer’s face lights up as if he has had a major revelation.)

Customer: “Yes. Nails. Indeed!”

Me: “I think you should check the home improvement store.”

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