Unfiltered Story #139202

, , | Unfiltered | February 5, 2019

(My dad told me this story, which happened just after the death of my grandfather.)

Dad: “I need to have leave on [week]; my father-in-law has just passed away.”

Boss: “You’re the second person who had told me he’s going to a funeral that week.”

Dad: “The other one would be [Name]. He’s my father in law.”

Doesn’t Register The Police Standing RIGHT THERE

, , , , | Legal | January 29, 2019

At my supermarket, we get the occasional dumb customer. Who doesn’t? Turns out, we even get dumb thieves!

A guy walks out with some shopping without paying. We can’t stop him this time, but we now know what he looks like.

Later that week, he turns up in the store before opening, having walked in through our back room which was open for deliveries. The guy is spaced out of his mind. My store manager calls the cops who arrive shortly after. Apparently, he is no stranger to them. But beyond the trespassing, they can’t really do anything. The camera footage of the theft earlier in the week is still being processed, so he is released by the police.

Later that same day, he returns! Having sobered up quite a bit, he is looking around very suspiciously and is watching all our staff really closely. Thinking he wants to steal something again, we keep an eye on him and call the cops again. When they show up, they follow him around for a bit, talk to him, and convince him to go to the register. Since he hasn’t stolen something this time, they can’t do anything. They follow him to the register and stand next to him. When it is his turn at the register, he hands over his shopping, gets it scanned, and then tries to just walk away with it without paying! The officers waste no time and, of course, arrest him. Talk about a silver platter!

It’s A Weighty Meal

, , | Right | December 21, 2018

(I work in a butcher’s shop.)

Me: “Good morning. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, um, yeah. I would like a steak.”

Me: “We sell different kinds of steak; which one would you like?” *shows the steaks*

Customer: “Hmm… I would like that kind.” *points*

Me: “Would you like the bigger piece or the smaller one?”

Customer: “Well, if it’s the same price, I’ll take the bigger one, of course!”

Me: *stunned* “Um, steaks are sold by weight. The bigger the steak, the more it will cost.”

Customer: “Oh… well… sure… I’ll take the smaller one, then.”

Groceries Consumed Before Checkout Are Not Free!

, , , | Right | November 29, 2018

(I’m working at the register. This customer is next in line. Among his groceries is an empty jar of yoghurt. I look at the customer.)

Customer: “I ate it in the store.”

Me: “That’s not the way you should do it, sir. You have to pay for it first.”

Customer: “Oh, you can me charge for it, of course.”

(I have a look of bewilderment on my face.)

Me: “Ohhhh, I intended to do that, sir.”

Unfiltered Story #127605

, , | Unfiltered | November 24, 2018

[My friends and I are visiting Belgium from the UK and have stopped in a cafe. After deciding what we want, the waiter comes over.]

Friend: [in Flemish] Do you speak English?

Waiter: [in English] Yes, I do.

[We all place our orders in English and the waiter heads off. Later, he returns with our food.]

Waiter: [in English] Whereabouts in Germany are you from?

Us: Oh, no, we’re not German, we’re English.

Waiter: Oh. [laughs] Sorry. I thought you were German. Usually when we get English people in here they just shout at us loudly in English.

Friend: [smiles] We’re not like that.

Waiter: The Germans usually ask if we speak English. Odd. Enjoy your meals.

[And we did!]

Page 1/1012345...Last