While changing the shelves for some inventory, I find some crackers that have expired. I am crushing the packet against the counter a bit before discarding them as per policy when a little girl rounds the corner and sees this, and her eyes widen.
Me: “Don’t worry; those crackers were evil.”
Little Girl: “How do you know?”
Me: “They went bad.”
I’m a ski instructor working for a ski school. This winter, we were hired as ski instructors for a high school ski trip. I was assigned the most advanced skiers, who consistently insisted on taking the hardest slopes and racing at high speeds.
During our lunch break on the first day, when we took off our jackets, I noticed that, apart from the mandatory helmet, one of the boys was wearing a full suit of armour underneath. It was a complete suit of hard plastic motocross armour, with a breastplate, shoulder armour, elbow and knee braces, gauntlets, shin guards, buttplate, calf armour, and a neck brace. It was also bright golden, as he once wore it as a Thanos cosplay.
We all laughed and mocked him over it, but he took it in good stride, lamenting that he didn’t bring his purple face paint or two Infinity Gauntlets and laughing off us calling him a coward, insisting that it was a worthwhile precaution.
By the last day, after several crashes, everyone was sore and bruised. One of the guys even dislocated his shoulder after he tumbled down a slope. On the other hand, Thanos was completely unscathed, despite tumbling down a slope in a similar manner thrice — he was showing off — being rammed into by another skier, and even getting into a fistfight with a pair of very rude Americans.
That was the first time in my seven years of ski instructing that I ever heard or saw anyone do that, but given the amount of punishment he shrugged off, I’m starting to think he had a point.
I’m walking my large dog who is generally quiet and a bit shy by nature. We’re approaching a woman who’s walking an itsy-bitsy toy-breed dog a little way down the path.
Me: “Hello! Nice day for a walk!”
My dog wags his tail gently in a polite silent greeting, while the teeny dog instantly goes into full demon mode, snarling, jumping, pulling on the leash like mad, and barking as loud as his tiny lungs can muster. He barks in a funny succession of four loud, quick barks at a time.
Dog: “Yap yap yap YAP! Yap yap yap YAP!”
The woman yells quickly and sharply at her dog.
Woman: “You must be quiet! Why do you do this?! You are too loud! Stop that right now! You’re a bad dog! Calm down right now!”
Then, she turns to me.
Woman: “I’m so sorry. I just don’t know why he does this!”
I just shrugged and my dog and I went on our way. I wonder if that woman will ever realize that her dog is just doing exactly what she did?
I work at a store that sells scented oils. A customer and her friend approach the counter.
Customer: “I’d like to smell your musk, please!”
Me: “Certainly!”
I laugh as I grab the bottles of oil.
Customer: “I bet this is the only store where you can say that and not get kicked out for being creepy!”
The customer and her friend both laughed.
I live on the bottom floor of an apartment. Our units aren’t bad, but there can be some bleed-through, especially with heavy things like heavy stomping and footsteps, shifting things around, etc. I’ve been here a few months and I’ve mostly gotten used to the various things that come from the apartments above me.
The apartment above me has been vacant for a while, and we just got new tenants, so they’ve been moving in over the last couple of days. Again, I’ve mostly been ignoring them. But the other day, I was folding laundry and watching a movie in my living room.
I was watching Alien, a movie I’ve seen many times and haven’t been really scared of since the first time I saw it. However, I will acknowledge that I will occasionally jump at certain points, if I’ve tuned the movie out for any reason.
I was watching the movie and I had tuned it out as I folded my laundry. In timing that I’m guessing rarely happens in real life, the movie was coming up to the scene with Dallas running into the Xenomorph in the ducts… right as the new people dropped something fairly heavy pretty much right above my head.
I will admit that I screamed and dropped the laundry I was holding. Then, I laughed at myself when I realized what had happened.
This story is part of the Aliens roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!
23 Hilarious Stories That Boldly Go Where No One Has Been Before
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