My coworker has no kids of his own but has nieces and nephews. He is telling us about taking the kids to a petting zoo.
Coworker: “Do you know that goats smell like Feta cheese?”
Me: “No, [Coworker], Feta cheese smells like goats.”
My chemistry teacher in high school is fantastic. He has an accent like Forrest Gump and a very dry, understated sense of humor. On one memorable occasion, while discussing the properties of gases, he makes the following statement while seeming to point to a spot on the other side of the room.
Teacher: “That air molecule right there is traveling at about 600 miles per hour.”
Cue twenty-five teenagers turning to look at the molecule.
I work at a fast food chain that is known for its double-stacked burgers. It’s my first day, and I’m working the second window, giving people their food. This is the middle of a rush, and we are working as fast as possible.
A customer pulls up and I open my window.
Customer: “MY BROTHER!”
Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. Here is your order; have a great day.”
Customer: “Wow! That was lightning quick!”
Me: “We call it fast food for a reason. Have a great day.”
It’s a pretty typical situation until he comes back fifteen minutes later, unannounced, skipping the order box and pay window, and coming straight to mine.
Me: “Welcome back to [Fast Food Chain]. Was there a problem with your order?”
Customer: “No man! We just wanted some [Famous Burger Sauce].”
I have no idea what to do, so I yell for a manager. The manager tells the kitchen to get a box of the sauce. As I’m handing him the sauce:
Customer: “Can we have two?”
I yell for another. The manager is literally walking up to me with the other sauce in hand.
Customer: “One is actually enough, bye!”
He then peeled out and sped off. We joked around for the rest of the shift by calling me “MY BROTHER!”
Related:
Getting To The Sauce Of The Problem
My boyfriend grew up and lives in Australia half the year and Canada the rest. During the health crisis, he is working a temperature checkpoint at his work, which means that he is pulling double shifts. This also means that, despite everything, we do not get to speak more than twice a week because he is either working or sleeping or I’m the one asleep.
It has been two weeks at this point since our last call, which was our last conversation. I am at work when he sends me a message over Skype, which includes picture spam of my favourite character from an MMORPG, which he always knows cheers me up.
Me: “What’s with the picture spam?”
Boyfriend: “I feel like an a**hole.”
Me: “Why would you say that?”
Boyfriend: “Because I haven’t been around, and whenever I’m free I’m usually helping [Brother] with something or babysitting [Nephew] or neglecting you, and I’m sorry.”
Me: “So, to say sorry, you chose to send me a picture of [Character] in nothing but a loincloth on the beach?”
Boyfriend: “Yes.”
Me: “Apology accepted.”
Me: “Hi. How are you today?”
Customer: “Fine, thanks. You?”
Me: “Doing well, thanks. Are you a member of our rewards program?”
Our program allows for lookups with phone numbers or email addresses.
Customer: “Can I give you my phone number?”
Me: “That’s awfully forward of you. I’m flattered.”
Customer: “Wha—”
Me: “What’s the number?”
