(My parents and I are getting ready to go to a wedding in my parents’ city. I live a few hours away, so I pack late the night before and come down early in the morning. I happen to own a couple of pairs of the same kind of shoe. When it’s time to leave for the wedding, I pluck my shoes out of my bag and realise that in my haste, I packed the right shoe from both pairs. My mum leaps into action to see if she can find a spare pair from when I used to live there. In the meantime…)

Dad: “What’s going on?”

Me: “I packed two right shoes.”

(I expect him to get mad because we need to leave, but instead he frowns at me, confused.)

Dad: “Is this a family trait?”

Me: “Eh?”

Dad: “Your sister did the exact same thing a few days ago when she was going out.”

Me: “Really?”

Dad: “Yes. What is it with you two?”

(He sends my sister a message telling her what I did. A little while later…)

Dad: “Your sister says she wasn’t as bad as you; she took a right and a left. They were just from different pairs.”

Me: “Wait, at least mine makes sense because I own two pairs of the same shoes and mixed them up. How is getting two shoes from different pairs better?”

Dad: “To be honest, you’re both as bad as each other.”

(Years ago, when my brother and I were children, we got into a fight, like siblings do. Since it was his misbehavior that started it, my parents lectured him about it and specified that he owed me an apology. A little while later, when we’re all sitting together again, this is the exchange that happens.)

Dad: “[Brother], did you apologize to [My Name] yet?”

Brother: “Yeah.”

Me: “No, he didn’t!”

Brother: “Yes, I did. I said it silently. To myself.”

(My very amused parents then had to explain to him that this did not, in fact, count as apologizing.)

(This happens way before 9/11, back in a time where airport security is only SLIGHTLY more lax. My brother is leaving for a week-long trip. Rather than pay parking fees, I agree to go with him to the airport, drive the car back to my place, and pick him up when he gets back. My brother has never been great with timing, though, and we are getting to the airport with minutes to spare. Of course, he also pulls into the through-traffic lane, instead of the drop-off lane. Note that there’s the double-yellow “do not pass” lines on the road, as well as periodic reflectors, making it obvious to all.)

Me: “Ah, crap. I told you we needed to take the right ramp!”

Brother: “Hang on.”

Me: “Wha-AAH!”

(And just like that he yanks the wheel to the right, cutting straight across the lane, cutting someone else off, and literally screeching the brakes as he pulls into a spot. I’m basically plastered across the back of my seat and the door out of shock.)

Me: “DUDE, WHAT WAS THAT?!”

Brother: “I can’t miss the flight!”

(He proceeds to jump out of the car without even turning it off, and ignores the POLICE OFFICER that has rushed up.)

Cop: “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?”

Brother: “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m late! I can’t miss this flight!”

Cop: “Do you have any idea what you just did!?”

Brother: “I know, I know! I’m sorry! I never do that, but I’m late!”

Cop: *pointing to me as I’m getting out of the car* “AND YOU! Why did you let him do that?!”

Me: *doing a double-take at him* “Well, he didn’t exactly CONSULT ME ON IT!”

(Thankfully, the officer turned all his attention to my brother, so I was able to get in and leave. Apparently, my brother was yelled at all the way through the bag check and into the airport itself; I have no idea how he didn’t end up getting a ticket or other fine. I also made him promise that any time we went anywhere, I’d drive!)

(My brother-in-law often does things without worrying about repercussions. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t care what happens; he just doesn’t think things through. I’ve wondered — with no disrespect — if he has an undiagnosed mental disorder. He is 26 at the time of this story. The toilet in our main bathroom has been acting funny — not refilling one time, then overflowing the next — so we have decided to use the half bathroom. Not a problem; it’s just the two of us. My brother-in-law comes over after work one day to play video games. During a break, he heads toward the main bathroom.)

Me: “Oh, wait! That toilet doesn’t work!”

Brother-In-Law: “Oh, I just have to pee.”

Me: “It still doesn’t work.”

Brother-In-Law: “I just have to pee.”

Me: “You can’t use that toilet.”

Brother-In-Law: “Oh. That’s dumb.”

Husband: “[Brother], were you just… not going to flush?”

Brother-In-Law: “Well, no. I just didn’t know what she meant.”

(While he is in the working bathroom, my husband takes some duct tape and tapes the broken toilet shut, just in case. A few hours later, they take another bathroom break. Having just used the bathroom myself, I realize our guest is missing.)

Me: “Where is your brother?”

Husband: “Bathroom.”

Me: “I was just in there.”

(My husband runs up the stairs to the main bathroom just in time to see his brother come out. The toilet is nearly overflowing.)

Husband: “What are you doing? Move! Grab towels!”

Brother-In-Law: “I had to pee.”

Husband: “The toilet doesn’t work!”

Brother-In-Law: “Yeah, what’s going on with that?”

(My husband and his brother soak up the mess and come back downstairs.)

Me: “[Brother-In-Law], why did you use that bathroom?”

Brother-In-Law: “How was I supposed to know it was broken?”

Husband: “Besides us telling you earlier and taping the lid shut?”

Brother-In-Law: “Oh. I thought you did that because the lid wouldn’t stay down.”

(My boyfriend’s mother insists that we organize an engagement party, where we have to follow the traditions of his family — not mine — and there are tons of rules to follow. She insists this due to the pressure of other relatives of hers, which I never liked, since their reasoning is that we have dated for so long, we should get engaged. It is quite a disaster! Even though his grandmother tells us she is going to help pay for the photographers, she later claims it’s too expensive and only pays 30%! And when it comes to decoration, we have a hard time choosing it, as the relatives have lots of opinions, even though the party should be about my boyfriend and me, not about them. One of my boyfriend’s aunts does bridal makeup. When we ask for a makeup trial to see the colors, and ask for the price, it is very unreasonably high. She also uses the very same makeup brushes for all her clients without washing them after using! We find another bridal makeup artist who is willing to give much better prices, and does the makeup and hair so much better than that aunt. On the day of the engagement, his grandmother keeps rushing us to finish changing my dress — after the first prayer, I have to change my saree into another saree which is the official engagement one — and that stupid aunt and her son take all the chocolates that are offered to the groom’s family. My boyfriend’s sister is really mad at this matter:)

Sister: “That is the offering from the bride’s family to the groom’s. This should be shared to the groom’s first before being further shared to the relatives.

Aunt: “I’m part of the groom’s family; why can’t I take anything? Not to mention that you guys owe me the money for doing your makeup!”

Sister: “What? You said that was just a free trial. You have done this business for many years; of course you need to understand there are times where you might not get any business deals.”

Aunt: “I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT PAYING THE RIGHTFUL MONEY TO ME!”

(This is not the first time she did something like this. Previously, another relative was really unsatisfied with the bridal makeup she did, so she asked for a discount as she thought it totally ruined her big day. Not only did she not apologize or do anything of the sort, she kept insisting that she was not in the wrong, and even asked her to pay more than the amount they agreed on prior! To this day, I don’t talk to that aunt and her rude son, who is as rude as she is.)