Finish The Endgame Before Phase Parenting Starts

, , , , , | Related | May 20, 2019

(This goes down on my family’s WhatsApp group while one of my sisters is heavily pregnant with her first child, and shortly after the last movie in a long-running franchise is released:)

Sister #1: “I started having regular contractions about half an hour ago, so we’re going to the hospital to check now.”

Sister #2: “Did you get to see Avengers beforehand?”

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Unfiltered Story #148144

, | Unfiltered | April 27, 2019

My bf is the bad customer in this story

We were having dinner in this restaurant which serves salmon cooked in three different styles: Grilled, blackened and pan-seared with sesame. This is not the first time ordering, so I wasn’t paying much attention.

BF: We’ll have the salmon please.
Waiter: How would you like it?
BF: Grilled, blackened and pan-seared.
Waiter: Um… Sorry sir?
BF: Grilled, blackened, pan-seared.
Waiter: Um…. Sesame?
BF: Yes, grilled, blackened and pan-seared with sesame!

Poor waiter stood there wondering how to write the order down.

Me (suddenly realizing and paying attention): Sesame, please get us the pan-seared with sesame, thanks.
Me (to bf): You doofus! Think of how you just ordered…
BF (after thinking): Oh…… I’m an idiot……

Many, MANY Red Flags

, , , , , | Friendly | January 7, 2019

(This is overheard at the gate waiting area in an airport. They both seem to be Americans by accent.)

Stranger #1: “So, what color do you see here?” *points at red*

Stranger #2: “Dark brown.”

Stranger #1: “So, you can’t see the red?”

Stranger #2: “No.”

Stranger #1: “Then what do you see as red?”

Stranger #2: “I can’t see any red.”

Stranger #1: “So, is this ‘red’ to you?” *points at purple*

Stranger #2: “That looks deep blue.”

Stranger #1: “Then is this ‘red’?” *points at actual dark brown*

Stranger #2: “Dark brown.”

Stranger #1: “You see brown! How about…?” *points at pink*

Stranger #2: “Yeah. That’s light blue.”

Stranger #1: “This?” *points at yellow*

Stranger #2: “Yellow.”

Stranger #1: “Oh, you see yellow, too!”

Stranger #2: “Yep.”

Stranger #1: “So, what’s red to you? Can you point at something red?”

Stranger #2: “I said I can’t see any red. Nothing at all will look red to me.”

Stranger #1: “There must be some color you see that looks red. Does black look red to you?”

Stranger #2: *sigh* “No… I see black.”

Me: *rolls eyes and walks away, muttering about how that’s not how being color blind works*

 

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Dated And Hated

, , , | Healthy | August 29, 2018

(I have a bad flu that doesn’t get better for two weeks, resulting in me coughing out bloody phlegm. I go to the hospital to get a checkup to see if anything is really wrong. When I get called into the clinic, the doctor, probably in his 50s or so, asks me about my sickness. He has this really smug look on his face, and I don’t think much about it until I start telling him about my symptoms. When I tell him that my illness began two weeks ago, he gets pissed off. He throws a calendar at me:)

Doctor: “Don’t tell me when; tell me the exact date. Point it out on the calendar.”

(I am dazed and try to recall the exact date I got sick. Meanwhile, he is mumbling about how youngsters have a worse memory than he does. I get pissed off, as well, from his attitude. I slam the calendar onto the table and point at the date. It isn’t the exact date but somewhere there. I take a wild guess.)

Doctor: “I suspect that you may have tuberculosis, but it’s still too early to get an x-ray because it wouldn’t show up. So, you may or may not have it. I don’t know.”

(After that, he had the d*** nerve to say I didn’t respect him, for slamming the calendar on the table. He prescribed antibiotics and I got better. Thank heavens I didn’t have to go back and see him.)

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Can’t Make Up Over This Make Up

, , , , , , , , , | Related | August 15, 2018

(My boyfriend’s mother insists that we organize an engagement party, where we have to follow the traditions of his family — not mine — and there are tons of rules to follow. She insists this due to the pressure of other relatives of hers, which I never liked, since their reasoning is that we have dated for so long, we should get engaged. It is quite a disaster! Even though his grandmother tells us she is going to help pay for the photographers, she later claims it’s too expensive and only pays 30%! And when it comes to decoration, we have a hard time choosing it, as the relatives have lots of opinions, even though the party should be about my boyfriend and me, not about them. One of my boyfriend’s aunts does bridal makeup. When we ask for a makeup trial to see the colors, and ask for the price, it is very unreasonably high. She also uses the very same makeup brushes for all her clients without washing them after using! We find another bridal makeup artist who is willing to give much better prices, and does the makeup and hair so much better than that aunt. On the day of the engagement, his grandmother keeps rushing us to finish changing my dress — after the first prayer, I have to change my saree into another saree which is the official engagement one — and that stupid aunt and her son take all the chocolates that are offered to the groom’s family. My boyfriend’s sister is really mad at this matter:)

Sister: “That is the offering from the bride’s family to the groom’s. This should be shared to the groom’s first before being further shared to the relatives.

Aunt: “I’m part of the groom’s family; why can’t I take anything? Not to mention that you guys owe me the money for doing your makeup!”

Sister: “What? You said that was just a free trial. You have done this business for many years; of course you need to understand there are times where you might not get any business deals.”

Aunt: “I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT PAYING THE RIGHTFUL MONEY TO ME!”

(This is not the first time she did something like this. Previously, another relative was really unsatisfied with the bridal makeup she did, so she asked for a discount as she thought it totally ruined her big day. Not only did she not apologize or do anything of the sort, she kept insisting that she was not in the wrong, and even asked her to pay more than the amount they agreed on prior! To this day, I don’t talk to that aunt and her rude son, who is as rude as she is.)

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