Dated And Hated

, , , , | Healthy | August 29, 2018

(I have a bad flu that doesn’t get better for two weeks, resulting in me coughing out bloody phlegm. I go to the hospital to get a checkup to see if anything is really wrong. When I get called into the clinic, the doctor, probably in his 50s or so, asks me about my sickness. He has this really smug look on his face, and I don’t think much about it until I start telling him about my symptoms. When I tell him that my illness began two weeks ago, he gets pissed off. He throws a calendar at me:)

Doctor: “Don’t tell me when; tell me the exact date. Point it out on the calendar.”

(I am dazed and try to recall the exact date I got sick. Meanwhile, he is mumbling about how youngsters have a worse memory than he does. I get pissed off, as well, from his attitude. I slam the calendar onto the table and point at the date. It isn’t the exact date but somewhere there. I take a wild guess.)

Doctor: “I suspect that you may have tuberculosis, but it’s still too early to get an x-ray because it wouldn’t show up. So, you may or may not have it. I don’t know.”

(After that, he had the d*** nerve to say I didn’t respect him, for slamming the calendar on the table. He prescribed antibiotics and I got better. Thank heavens I didn’t have to go back and see him.)

Can’t Make Up Over This Make Up

, , , , , , , , , | Related | August 15, 2018

(My boyfriend’s mother insists that we organize an engagement party, where we have to follow the traditions of his family — not mine — and there are tons of rules to follow. She insists this due to the pressure of other relatives of hers, which I never liked, since their reasoning is that we have dated for so long, we should get engaged. It is quite a disaster! Even though his grandmother tells us she is going to help pay for the photographers, she later claims it’s too expensive and only pays 30%! And when it comes to decoration, we have a hard time choosing it, as the relatives have lots of opinions, even though the party should be about my boyfriend and me, not about them. One of my boyfriend’s aunts does bridal makeup. When we ask for a makeup trial to see the colors, and ask for the price, it is very unreasonably high. She also uses the very same makeup brushes for all her clients without washing them after using! We find another bridal makeup artist who is willing to give much better prices, and does the makeup and hair so much better than that aunt. On the day of the engagement, his grandmother keeps rushing us to finish changing my dress — after the first prayer, I have to change my saree into another saree which is the official engagement one — and that stupid aunt and her son take all the chocolates that are offered to the groom’s family. My boyfriend sister is really mad at this matter:)

Sister: “That is the offering from the bride’s family to the groom’s. This should be shared to the groom’s first before being further shared to the relatives.

Aunt: “I’m part of the groom’s family; why can’t I take anything? Not to mention that you guys owe me the money for doing your makeup!”

Sister: “What? You said that was just a free trial. You have done this business for many years; of course you need to understand there are times where you might not get any business deals.”

Aunt: “I WON’T FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT PAYING THE RIGHTFUL MONEY TO ME!”

(This is not the first time she did something like this. Previously, another relative was really unsatisfied with the bridal makeup she did, so she asked for a discount as she thought it totally ruined her big day. Not only did she not apologize or do anything of the sort, she kept insisting that she was not in the wrong, and even asked her to pay more than the amount they agreed on prior! To this day, I don’t talk to that aunt and her rude son, who is as rude as she is.)

The Man From Uncle

, , , , | Related | July 28, 2018

(My mother’s side of the family is having our first big reunion in years. In many East Asian cultures, you don’t call older relatives by name; there are specific titles for specific relationships.)

Cousin: *talking about mum’s older brother* “Because I’m half white and all American, I didn’t realise Tua Ku’s name wasn’t Tua Ku until I was, like, eighteen…”

A Taste For Bad Taste

, , , , | Healthy | July 26, 2018

(My family is friends with another family whose dad is an obstetrician/gynaecologist and also a huge joker. In our part of the world, there are sometimes weird pseudo-scientific food fads, including products containing colostrum which is the special milk that comes out just after a mother mammal gives birth — even though cow colostrum isn’t really going to help you unless you’re a calf. At a party, someone shows up with some of these “health” products:)

Friend: “Look, I brought these colostrum biscuits.”

Obstetrician: *takes one and munches on it* “Hmm, doesn’t taste like colostrum.”

Morgan Freeman Was Busy Narrating Dad Cleaning Out The Attic

, , , | Related | June 12, 2018

Me: *collecting trash around the house*

Mom: “Go collect the trash in the toilet, the living room, and the kitchen.”

Me: *in my head* “That’s what I’m doing.”

Me: *vacuuming and mopping the house*

Mom: “Vacuum and mop the house.”

Me: *doing the dishes*

Mom: “Do the dishes.”

Me: “Why can’t I have Morgan Freeman narrating the mundane things I’m doing instead of my mom?”

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