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Someone Woke Up On The Wrong Side Of The Bed Today

, , , , , , , | Working | June 3, 2022

My family and I went on a big family trip in 2009, when our daughters were twelve and fourteen. We had to change planes in Calgary. As we waited in line in the security area, our younger daughter noticed a lot of huge photographs mounted on the walls around us. Being a bit of a photography buff herself, she pulled out her camera — a fairly expensive one that she’d gotten for her most recent birthday — and took a few pictures.

Security Guard: “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?”

We all gaped at him in shock, not knowing what he was talking about. We then realized that he was glaring at our daughter.

Daughter: “Taking some pictures.”

Husband: “Is there a problem, sir?”

Security Guard: “Um, yes. Did you not see those signs?”

He pointed to some signs around us that said, “NO PHOTOGRAPHY ALLOWED.” In fairness to him, they were super obvious, and I don’t know how we missed them.

Me: “I’m so sorry. We didn’t see the signs.”

Security Guard: “That’s no excuse.”

He then reached over and grabbed [Daughter]’s camera out of her hands.

Security Guard: “I’m confiscating this.” *Walks away*

Daughter: *In tears* “My… My camera! Mum, what’ll we do?”

We chased after him and found him behind his desk. He glowered at us and held up the camera tauntingly.

Security Guard: “I don’t know what you expected to happen. You’re not getting this back.”

Me: “Please, sir, can’t you let this go? She didn’t mean any harm, and we can delete the photos in front of you.”

Security Guard: “Not good enough. Goodbye.”

Husband: “She’s just a kid. Please?”

I should mention that our younger daughter was and is very tall, and even though she was only twelve at the time, she could easily have been mistaken for someone in her late teens.

Security Guard: “‘Kid,’ sure.”

Something convinced him to look closer at our daughter, though, who was now openly sobbing.

Security Guard: “How old are you?”

Daughter: “T-twelve.”

Security Guard: “Hmph. Fine. You can have this back, but never do that again.”

Daughter: “I won’t. Thank you.”

My “mama bear” instincts threatened to take over at that point — the sight of my kid crying her eyes out has a tendency to do that — but luckily, my husband kept his cool and pulled me away.

Husband: “Come on, love.” *Whispering* “He’s just doing his job.”

Me: “I know. I do wonder what he’ll tell his wife when he gets home today, though. ‘How was your day, honey?’ ‘Awesome! I got to make a twelve-year-old cry!’”

What’s A Little Lack Of Security Between “Friends”?

, , , , , | Working | May 25, 2022

I’m depositing a large check into my account. I do all my banking online through the bank’s app. However, the mobile deposit function won’t take my check due to the amount, so I go into a physical branch. I’ve never been to this particular location. Please note that I worked in a bank right out of college, so I have some knowledge of holds and funds availability regulations.

Teller: “What can I help you with today?”

Me: “Just a deposit, please. And I understand that you will need to put a hold on the funds. No worries. I can wait seven business days to spend it.”

I hand over the check and deposit slip.

Me: “Oh, shoot. You’ll want my ID. Hang on.”

I dig through my purse, pull it out, and attempt to hand it to the teller. She waves me off and starts typing.

Teller: “No need. I know you.”

Me: “You do?”

Teller: “Sure I do. You’re in here all the time.”

Me: “No, I’m not.”

Teller: “Of course you are. Since I know you, I don’t need your ID, and we won’t put a hold on the check.”

Me: “Okay, hold on. I opened this account online and do my banking through the app. I’ve never seen you, and you’ve never seen me. I am asking you to check my ID and verify that this money is actually going into my account.”

Teller: “But we know you!”

Me: “No, you don’t. CHECK MY ID.”

The teller takes my ID with an eye-roll, glances at it, and hands it back.

Teller: “All set. Here’s your receipt.”

She hands me the receipt.

Me: “Does this show up in online banking immediately?”

Teller: “Yes.”

Me: “Great. Let me check that before I leave.”

I pulled up the app on my phone, and surprisingly, the money had actually made it into my account. I didn’t go back to that branch.

NOPE. I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW, THANK YOU.

, , , , , , , , , | Working | May 11, 2022

I work in security dispatch for a mall. Mostly, I watch cameras and answer phone calls.

One day, I was watching the food court when I saw something that really churned my stomach.

This place in the food court sells, among other things, hotdogs wrapped in pretzel dough. 

It wasn’t a very busy day, the mall was dying, and this was a slow day in a dying mall. I caught one of the workers — the only one on shift that day — prodding under her skirt with a hotdog.

I don’t know what, exactly, she was doing, but after she was done, she wrapped the hotdog in dough and put it in the cooker.

I pondered dispatching a security person immediately, but instead, I notified the owner, who arrived, fired the woman, and threw out the offending pretzel-wrapped hotdog.

The Bag Is Clear But The Rules Are Not

, , , , | Right | May 5, 2022

If you’ve travelled anywhere internationally on a plane since 2001, you know the drill: no liquids in hand luggage over 100mL, and if you have them, they need to go in a little clear plastic bag. I once saw a woman in a furious argument with French airport security about whether brie is a “liquid”, but that’s another story.

I’m at the airport to catch an international flight. The man in front of me at the security scanners has the signs of a well-travelled dude: battered travel bag, passport with various luggage stickers, the works.

And then, the security person squints at the scanner image and unzips the gentleman’s hand luggage… and pulls out a FULL LITER BOTTLE of shampoo. And a 500mL bottle of expensive aftershave. And on. And on. Until he has half a toiletries aisle lined up, and we’re all staring at the gentleman in confusion.

Security: “Sir, these are… these are all over 100ml.”

Passenger: *Happily* “Yes, I know.”

Security: “You know?”

Passenger: “Yes, that’s why I didn’t put them in a clear plastic bag!”

He wasn’t pleased when the head of security came over to explain the flaws in his logic. The shouting may still be happening, even now.

Their Fashion Choice Bombed

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2022

I am checking in a flight for a group of loud young men travelling for a stag do (bachelor party). I suddenly notice the themed shirts that they’re all wearing.

Me: “Guys, you might want to lose the shirts while you’re in the airport.”

Passenger: “Why?”

They’re all wearing T-shirts with a picture of the groom-to-be in the middle of an explosion. The text reads “[Groom] is da bomb!” but most of the guys have some front-satchels that hide the text, so they’re just wearing a shirt with an explosion saying, “bomb!”

Me: “Trust me.”